Go To Conclusion
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Jocelyn's Decision - Part 3
I was feeling a bit lonely and isolated. It was all my fault, but it still felt pretty bleak. I pressed my head into the rim of the tub, and panted as I waited for the pain to pass.
I wouldn’t let my dad or Larry into the room, because I planned to be naked in this tub until the baby came, and I didn’t want my dad to watch the baby come out. I’m not entirely sure how he felt about it, but I think he was more relieved than disappointed.
I might have considered letting Mark in here, but he didn’t want to see. This was good, because I’d have had to blindfold him anyway. Even so, I wanted my friend to hold my hand.
Strike that, what I really wanted was Scott to come hold my hand, but he refused to enter my room. As far as he was concerned, my entire bedroom was off limits, and he never stepped so much as a foot inside it.
“This is his child too, damnit!” I muttered. “He should be legally required to be here for me.”
Sydney laughed, and used a sponge to wash some sweat from my forehead. “Thank your lucky stars that he’s nearby and willing to support the baby. Most teen moms are lucky if their baby’s father answers the phone when she calls.”
She wore a sleeveless tank top, which allowed her to reach into the tub a moment later so she could stick a hand up inside me to measure my progress. “Not long now.”
I sighed. “I wanted someone to record the birth and someone else to hold my hand.” In my mind, I pictured a blindfolded Mark holding my hand and Scott holding the camera, or perhaps the other way around. Though I’m not sure how well Mark could film the event with a blindfold on.
“I brought you some lemonade to drink, Miss Jocelyn,” Hayley told me as she set the glass on the edge of the tub, on a flat spot that seemed designed to hold a drink for the bather.
“Thanks,” I whispered, a contraction making my face scrunch up.
Hayley disappeared, and then reappeared a few minutes later with her mom. “I know I’m not the one you really want here, but I’ll hold your hand if you’d like.”
Bea held up a video camera. “Hayley told me that you want the birth recorded. I suppose I can do that.”
“Make sure it’s really graphic!” I blurted in between pants. “I want to be able to see what happens when I watch it later.”
Hayley took hold of my hand. I squeezed her hand gratefully, trying to convey my gratitude with a smile.
“You’re doing great!” Sydney encouraged me again. “You’re fully dilated and the baby’s head is in position. I’m sure your next contraction will be big, and you’ll desperately want to push. Go ahead.”
“I gotta get out!” I announced frantically. “I gotta get out of the tub!”
“You’re baby won’t drown,” Sydney reassured me.
“No, it’s not that, I just have to get out of the tub!” I had no idea why it seemed so urgent, but I was already struggling to do so, using Hayley’s hand as leverage. Unfortunately, I wasn’t making much progress.
Sydney lent a hand, and soon I was standing on the cold floor. I wrapped a towel around my chest for warmth. I pointed to a large mirror on the wall. “Hayley, bring that to me, I want to see this!”
Hayley rushed to bring me the mirror, and then steadied me as I squatted over it. If Bea didn’t get a really graphic view after this, she simply wasn’t trying! I could see a purplish ball in my crotch, and gasped softly in awe.
“She’s crowning,” Sydney explained even though I already knew what was happening.
The contractions hit me hard, and I cried. They weren’t painful, well not painful like breaking an arm or being thrown into a wall during a fight, but they were intense! I felt like if I didn’t push right now I’d be stuck in this awkward and uncomfortable position for the rest of my life!
My cries turned to wails because it felt good to vocalize. Sydney was breathing rhythmically to remind me to do so, but I didn’t care about that. I felt like I needed to take the biggest dump ever, and pushed with all my might.
“Okay, stop. Wait for the next contraction,” Sydney advised, and I cried in despair. I need to wait with baby still more than half inside me?!
Then the next contraction hit. I wailed and then roared in triumph as I felt the baby slide from my body. I felt so relieved that I wanted to go right to sleep!
Hayley was crying too. She looked like a proud new aunt. “Oh wow! Look at her, she’s so beautiful!”
Sydney handed my baby girl to me, and I held her in amazement as the midwife did what she needed to do. I felt my body expel the afterbirth, but I was so fascinated by my new baby that I didn’t pay much attention to what was happening. I traced her face with one finger, and counted all her fingers and toes.
“She’s perfect!” I whispered reverently.
She made these tiny little cute grunting noises, and snuggled into my arms. Hayley handed me a blanket, and I dropped my towel so that I could hold my naked baby to my naked body and cover us both with the blanket.
Bea was crying silently, also deeply moved by the miracle of new life. She squeezed Hayley’s hand briefly with a smile at the baby. Then she focused on her daughter, and her expression got stern.
“Do not have a baby before you’re married!”
“Yes mama,” Hayley murmured.
“I mean it!” Bea stated firmly.
“I understand,” Hayley replied with a smile, and it was obvious to me that she had no plans to get pregnant anytime soon. She was only 10, so this made absolute sense to me. Give it a couple of years…
Soon enough, Sydney tucked me into bed with my little bundle of joy, and showed me how to nurse her properly. Then, the midwife went back into the bathroom to help Bea clean up the mess I had made. I felt bad for not helping them, but I was exhausted.
The baby was not actually hungry, and practiced sucking on my breast almost lazily. I felt a strong tugging sensation, and wondered how long it would be before the milk came in. She gradually fell asleep, and I thought this was an excellent suggestion.
Hayley helped me cover up better – without smothering the baby – and then whispered to Sydney. “Shouldn’t we put a diaper on the baby?”
Sydney chuckled. “That’s up to Jocelyn. As I understand it, she wants to try something called Elimination Communication. See that bowl on her side table? She plans to potty train the baby with that.”
I was more than half asleep at this point, but still heard Hayley gasp in astonishment. “Potty train a newborn?!”
Sydney shrugged. “I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never tried it. Everything is new right now, and Jocelyn needs a few days to figure things out. In the meantime, try to help her as you can, and don’t judge her decisions. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t.”
There was a light knock on the door, and my dad poked his head in. “It’s been quiet for a while now. Is everything all right in here?”
Hayley gestured for him to come in and see for himself. I could feel him staring at us, and then there was a soft click and a flash from a camera.
“No fair taking pictures when I’m like this,” I murmured in my sleep.
“Can I hold the baby?” He asked.
“No… not yet… let us sleep a bit first,” I mumbled, and honestly, I’m not sure if he understood me, but I heard him sigh.
“Okay, later.” He kissed me on the forehead, took another picture, and then left the room.
A few minutes passed, and I felt like I was asleep, but I wasn’t. Not completely, because I could still hear Sydney and Bea cleaning, and Hayley softly talking to herself about how adorable the baby was. The bed shifted a little, and I wondered who was now sitting on the edge of it.
“You should come back later, Mr. McDerry,” Sydney suggested sternly. She knew that this baby was a result of my actions, but she still had a slight attitude against Scott, as if she suspected that he might be letting me lie on his behalf so that he wouldn’t get into trouble.
“I just wanted to see the baby. I won’t wake them,” he promised. I felt him readjust the blanket covering the baby ever so slightly so that he could see her face better. “Beautiful,” he whispered so softly that I don’t think anyone else heard him.
The bed shifted again a moment later, and then I heard the door shut. Judging by the silence, either everyone had left us alone, or whomever was left was being very quiet. Everything faded, and now I was asleep for real.
“What’s the best toy for a two year old?” Scott asked me. I stared at the phone in disbelief for a moment.
“I told you, Dantaelian doesn’t need any more toys! I already have to go through and throw out like half of what she has because there’s so many!” (Dawn-tay-lee-ann or – alternatively – Dawn-tal-yan)
“Then what should I buy her?” Scott asked.
“She’s two!” I pointed out again. “She doesn’t need anything.”
He made a quiet noise of disappointment. I inhaled, counted to ten while pulling on my hair, and then slowly exhaled. “I suppose you could buy her some blocks, but not Legos! “
Tomorrow was the day that we went to his house for a week. We stayed with my dad for two weeks at a time, and then with Scott for one week. This had been the pattern since before Dantaelian was born, and was the best compromise we could agree to.
Now that I was 16, Scott wanted me to let him have more visitation – such as one week here and one week there – but my dad objected. I didn’t really understand why because I had been a good girl since the baby was born. I hadn’t snuck into Scott’s room or anyone else’s!
I thought it was about time my dad started to trust me more, but… well… the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t about trust or sex. He just wanted his daughter at home with him. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, my dad would never have had to share me in the first place.
“I’ll see what I can find,” Scott replied, and I instinctively knew that my daughter was about to get the most fabulous and expensive age appropriate toy her father could find. I murmured in vague agreement, and then Scott handed the phone to Bea.
“What kind of cake do you think she’d like?” Bea asked.
I sighed again. “She’s only turning 2… she doesn’t need a cake.”
“Everyone needs a cake on their birthday!” Bea insisted.
I held my breath again to the count of 10, pulling on my hair to stop from banging my head against the wall. “I think cupcakes might be nice. You can puree some carrots in the food processor, and –”
Bea cut me off excitedly. “And use the organic gluten free baking mix and honey to make carrot cupcakes!”
I smiled. I myself had grown up with food allergies, so I put a lot of effort into making sure my daughter’s diet was allergen free. She still breastfed, but it was just twice a day, at naptime and bed time, so the rest of her food needed to provide her with all the nutrition she needed to grow up healthy and strong. At least Bea understood this. I would have gone absolutely crazy if I had to fight Bea over food every time we stayed at Scott’s house.
“Thank you Bea,” I said with a smile.
The next day, when we arrived at Scott’s house, he was waiting for us right outside the front door.
“Daddy!” Dantaelian squealed and flung herself into his arms.
“Look at how big you’re getting,” Scott praised. “Look over there… See what Daddy got you for your birthday.”
My mouth dropped open in shock, awe, and astonishment! How in the hell had he managed to get that between our phone conversation yesterday and now?! To the side of the house, not easily visible from the driveway, sat a huge playground. It was made out of sturdy wood, and was shaped somewhat like a castle. (Something like this: King Kong Castle Tube City V )
Frickin’ lucky child!!!
“I said blocks!” I blurted out. I wasn’t really upset, but I was trying to raise my little girl so that she didn’t grow up spoiled or expect to just get whatever she wanted.
“I got her some of those too,” Scott assured me.
“I need a drink!” I announced, sincerely wishing that I was old enough to crack open a bottle of tequila and down it until I stopped wanting to wring his neck. I decided to let him supervise my fearless adventurer, and went to the back yard.
His three adopted sons had long ago converted most of the backyard into a sports field, and I welcomed the distraction of kicking a soccer ball from one end of the field to the other.
Everyone doted on Dantaelian for the rest of the day, and I am sure I looked petulant. I wasn’t jealous or unhappy for her, it’s just that every time we come here, she gets treated like a superstar, and then I have to deal with the fits and tantrums when we get back and she doesn’t get her way. Thankfully, she has started to recognize that there are two very different sets of rules for daddy’s house and Grandpa’s house.
Sad that I don’t really think of either house as mine huh? I suppose that’s because I go back and forth with her, feeling a bit like a child whose parents got divorced. Both places feel like home, and so neither place feels like home. It’s hard to explain.
Finally, I sat in the room that I still shared with her, and nursed her as I rocked her to sleep. There was a light knock on the door, and then Scott poked his head in.
“Can I come in – never mind, I’ll come back later.” He fled when he saw that I was topless with a mouth attached to my breast. I rolled my eyes.
I’ve known him close to 3 years, carried his child in my womb, and snuck into his bed twice, but he still avoided getting close to me. Hell! Even my dad had gotten used to seeing me breastfeed! Not that I did it in front of him that often, but you know, sometimes a baby just needs to eat, and there’s no choice but to whip a tit out and pop it in her mouth.
After Dantaelian fell asleep, I settled her into my bed, knowing that she was used to sleeping on it and never rolled over the side. Then I kissed her on the forehead and went to go find out what Scott wanted. After I put my shirt back on, heh heh.
I found him in his study. The door was open, so I simply walked in and sat on a chair. I still found him irresistible, but years of practice had made it easier to talk to him without getting tongue tied.
He set aside some paperwork, and gave me a confused look. “Why were you so upset today?”
I scoffed, and muttered to myself, “Why, he asks…” Speaking up, I tried to be tactful. “Dantaelian is only two. As much as it is thrilling and exciting for her to have her own playground, she’s slowly being spoiled rotten.”
Scott looked amused. “She’s two, she’s not spoiled. Besides… I thought that the point of making sure she had a rich father was to spoil her.”
I couldn’t have heard that right. “What?”
“Oh come now; you can admit it. You wanted to have a baby with a rich man so that you would never have to work a day in your life, didn’t you?”
I slammed my hands down on his desk and glared at him fiercely. “What?!”
Rather than backing down or apologizing, he raised one eyebrow and silently dared me to deny it. I was so furious that I shook. How dare he?! I hauled back and slapped him across his left cheek.
“Have I ever once asked you for money?” I demanded. “Have I ever once asked you to buy me or her anything?!”
I abruptly turned to practically stomp out of the room. It was nowhere near as satisfying on carpet this thick and lush.
“No… you haven’t…” He admitted softly.
“Then why do you think I purposely tried to get pregnant just because you’re rich?” I growled angrily, and marched back towards him.
“Because nothing else makes sense!”
There was nothing I could say because he’s right; nothing else does make sense. I paced the floor next to his desk in frustration. How can I possibly explain something I don’t fully understand myself? ‘When I look at you I just want to get naked and jump into bed’ doesn’t really do justice to my complicated and unfathomable reasoning. Or is it simplistic and unfathomable? Lust for no reason other than lust…
“What???” Scott must have mistaken my agitation for weighty matters on my mind, when really all it signified was that I couldn’t think of a single reason that he should believe me. Nothing that made sense anyway.
He got impatient with my pacing and refusal to answer him, so, he stood and grabbed onto my arm. His touch made me feel like I was holding onto an electric fence. My whole body shook from the power of it, and if I had been holding onto him, it would have been impossible to let go.
I used his proximity to launch a surprise attack. I tossed my arms around his neck and pressed a hungry kiss to his lips. He was surprised enough to gasp, and I used that as an excuse to slip my tongue in his mouth. He still tasted of cigars, but not alcohol.
I pressed my body to his, holding onto him tightly. He seemed to go through several stages. At first, he held himself stiffly, too shocked to respond, then he seemed to think: Yep… She really is kissing me. Finally, he held up his hands and tried to pull free from my grasp.
I didn’t want to let him go now that he was in my arms, so I clung to him even tighter. My kiss got even more possessive and demanding – if that was possible. He was still trying to back away, and decided that he was going to have to push on my chest with his hands.
I moaned, wiggling my breasts slightly. His hands were pushing on them somewhat painfully, but it still felt good to me. He shoved a bit more forcefully, and I reluctantly let him go.
“Jocelyn! You are only 16!”
“The age of consent,” I pointed out quickly.
He made a sound that was half dismissive and half frustrated. “And I’m 52! I could still be thrown in jail for touching you!”
I stepped back in surprise, giving him an appraising look. “So you mean that I have to simply wait until I’m 18? I can do that.” It would totally suck, but I now had a toy to help me out when thoughts of him plagued me at night.
I turned to leave, feeling a bit triumphant. If I’m reading him correctly, it wasn’t that he didn’t want me, he just didn’t want to go to jail. He suddenly ran to the door before I could get to it.
Slamming it shut, he faced me, blocking my exit.
“No! It is not simply a matter of waiting! I’m telling you that it won’t happen. I need you to accept that.”
He was between me and the door, so I had no choice but to argue with him. I put one hand on the door behind him so that I could stare him in the eyes seriously.
“Why not? I have protection this time, though I would love to carry another child for you. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before, so the damage is already done; the cradle is already robbed. I’ve learned to keep a secret, so no one need ever find out,” I stated my case.
Scott faltered as he realized that he had made a serious mistake in preventing me from leaving. “This isn’t funny. I’m trying to do the right thing here. I need you to listen to reason and take no for an answer.”
“No, hmm,” I contemplated in a soft whisper. His scent was intoxicating, and I brushed my nose along his neck so I could breathe him in. “I’ve already done that.” I kissed the spot where his jaw met his neck. “I’ve waited patiently for two years for you to sneak into my room, but you keep avoiding me like I’m the last person you want to see.”
“That’s because… that’s because…” he seemed to be having a hard time concentrating as I kissed and licked his neck. “Because you… do things… like this.”
“I do this because I love you,” I whispered. The entire world fell away and I suddenly understood. It was true! “I just want to be with you. It feels like you are the only thing in this world that I have ever wanted.”
I pressed light kisses to his mouth, and he groaned. I’m not sure what his groan represented. Frustration? Longing?
“No…” he protested. “You’re only 16.”
“It could be worse; I could be 13,” I joked. I knew he was about to yell something at me, so I slipped my tongue back in his mouth the moment it opened.
“Mrph mm mmp.”
I have no idea what he was trying to say, but just as he had blocked my escape, he’d blocked his own. I slid my arms around his chest to his back, and pressed myself closer to him. Then, one of my hands roamed around to his front again and down his pants. For someone so adamant that nothing was going to happen, his other brain seemed to disagree.
The door we were standing in front of had a small little – I don’t know what it’s called… Hallway? Recess? Door way? Scott had one of his hands braced on the wall on one side of it, and his other braced on the other. It seemed like he was trying to tell himself that so long as he didn’t touch me, he could resist until I gave up.
I continued to kiss him, stroking his hard shaft. My other hand joined in by unfastening his pants, and then pushing them and his underwear to his hips. He tried to back away, but he had nowhere to go. His back was already up against the door.
I stopped kissing him to look down at my hands. I had never actually seen his naked part before because both times we’d had sex, it was dark in his room.
“Stop… You need to stop,” he insisted, but it was weak. Half hearted.
I pressed my mouth to his ear, and softly whispered. “I think we both know that you don’t really want me to stop.”
He was silent, his eyes closed, his breath ragged. “… That’s exactly why you should stop,” he admitted in a whisper. “What kind of old man lusts after a girl less than half his age?”
TRIUMPH! I wanted to jump for joy and cackle like a witch from a cartoon! I whipped my shirt off, and firmly forced his hands to my breasts.
“Oh yes,” I whispered encouragement.
Using one hand to stroke his shaft again, I quickly searched my pockets with my other. I was wearing cargo-style pants, and one of the pockets on the side of my legs contained a small plastic box. I had taken to carrying it always in the desperate hope that I would eventually need it. Locating it, I held it up for Scott to see.
“Look, I told you I brought protection this time. In this box is my diaphragm… I just need to slip it inside me, and then there won’t be any more accidents,” I explained. “Unless you want another…”
He stared at the pink plastic box as if considering each option, then shook his head. “No! I told you this won’t happen.” It seems his resolve had returned.
I dropped to my knees, and licked his shaft before burying it in my mouth.
“Joc-e-lyn!” He ground out through clenched teeth. “I’m begging you to stop this!”
“And I’m begging you! Please! Just this once with the lights on. I want to see you make love to me! I want you to know it’s me… and I’ll let you do anything!”
I stood up again so that I could kiss his lips. “Please?” Another kiss. “Please?” Yet another kiss. “Pretty please?”
His eyes were closed and he let out a small sob. “Why can’t I say no to you? I’m an adult and I know better!”
I quickly discarded my pants and underwear, then I prepared my diaphragm, took half a step back – resting my leg on his hip; my foot on the door behind him – and awkwardly reached down so that I could insert it inside me. I made sure it was in correctly, and then stepped close to him once more. I rested my hands on his chest, kissing him lightly before whispering in his ear.
“I’m ready. All you have to do is throw me to the floor, shove yourself inside me, and –”
He interrupted me with another small longing sob, and I remembered how he had tried to get me to talk dirty to him when he thought I was someone else. I smiled.
“You can run your hands all over my body. My perky tits, my firm ass… You can bite my nipples, and possess every inch of me. You can show me what a real man is like in bed.”
He covered my mouth with a hand. “Stop! You have no idea what I want to do to you! Stop driving me crazy!”
“Then do something to me and I’ll stop!” I cried out in frustration after shaking his hand off my mouth. “Lick me, bite me, spank me, something!”
He chuckled. “Spank you, huh? You do deserve to be spanked.”
As I had moved around earlier, his hands returned to the walls. I think it was his way of trying to ground himself; stop himself from getting carried away. Now, he cupped my butt cheeks firmly. I lifted one of my legs to wrap around his waist, pressing against his shaft invitingly.
“See? There you go being naughty again!” He whacked me with one hand, and I moaned. I wiggled my hips causing my front to rub against his shaft and my backside to encourage his hands. He responded with another resounding whack.
“Oh yes! Spank me!”
He changed his mind, lifting me up so that both of my legs were around his waist. He carried me to the couch that lined one wall of his office, and half threw me onto it. Then he turned his back and started pulling up his pants that had fallen to his Knees.
“No!” I cried out as he walked away. I felt unbelievably betrayed, and couldn’t stop the sobs from bursting from me. “Please don’t go!”
He was at the door again, reaching out to open it and leave me alone. His hand faltered and shook.
“Please?! I’ll do anything! Anything!” I begged between sobs.
His hand shook even harder, but then he forced himself to grab hold of the doorknob. He sighed so hard that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he had expelled all the air from his lungs and collapsed. He slumped just a bit, and then locked the door.
I held my breath in fragile hope. He didn’t move, except to rest his head on the door as if he were trying to convince himself that there was a very good reason that he needed to unlock the door and leave the room with all due haste. I leapt from the couch, ran to him, and wrapped my arms around his chest.
I pressed kisses up and down his spine, wishing he was naked too. Deciding to remedy the situation, I opened his pants once more, and pushed them – along with his underwear – to the floor. His shaft was still as hard as ever, and I stroked it briefly before running my hands up inside his shirt to locate and pinch his nipples.
Keep talking dirty! I reminded myself. Drive him so crazy he can’t think!
“I want you inside me. I want you to pound into me so hard the floor breaks. I want –”
He abruptly spun to face me, and then we tumbled to the ground. He pulled my legs over his hips as we fell so that the moment we were on the ground, he could push himself inside me. It was only my third time, and the last time had been almost 2 and 1/2 years ago. As a result, I was unprepared for the suddenness of our sex, but I buried my face against his shoulder to hide the momentary pain, and then panted softly in his ear.
“Oh Scott,” I whispered. “Yes! Pound into me! Grind me into the floor!”
I tried to meet him thrust for thrust, but he kept changing paces on me. Then something magical happened. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and suddenly we were in perfect harmony.
I continued to spout every dirty suggestion I could think of, things that would make me blush if I stopped to think about them. He – on the other hand – was practically silent. He panted and moaned, but he didn’t speak at all.
Previously, sex with him had been fairly quick, but this time he continued to thrust into me for at least 20 minutes. At some point, he must have gotten annoyed by my talking, because he kissed me, and continued to do so until I stayed silent. I must admit that I murmured things here and there just to get him to kiss me again.
I started to quake as an orgasm drew near. My breath was soft and raspy, and I was tempted to bite his ear. “I love you.” I repeated softly over and over until I was squealing from the electric pleasure shooting though my entire body.
The feel of me rippling around him set him off too. I could tell by the way he suddenly grasped my hips as firmly as he could and then ground into me. His hips jerked involuntarily, and he sounded like he was suppressing a roar.
I held him close, and encouraged him to lay on me when he finished. Guiding his mouth to my breast, I wiggled a tiny bit, silently begging him to suck on my nipple. He complied, hungrily, moaning as he received a mouthful of milk. He switched to my other breast for a moment, and then gasped.
It felt like his mind returned with a sudden crash, because he leaned away from me, trying to break free of my arms.
“I’m a monster,” he stated dramatically. “I deserve to be thrown in jail!”
I was silent for a minute, hoping that he would soften his resistant body and cuddle with me again. He gazed fiercely into my eyes.
“You said you would do anything, right?”
I nodded in confirmation.
“Then never ask me for sex again.”
I smirked. If I no longer had to ask, does this mean that I can sleep in his bed? I opened my mouth to voice my suggestion, but he covered it with a hand.
“Let me rephrase that; never have sex with me again.” He paused to let me whimper. “Or I won’t let you come over with Dantaelian anymore. I’ll even get a restraining order if I have to.”
I pulled his hand off my mouth. “In 2 years, I’ll be 18, and then no one in the world can say a word about what we’re doing. I’ll wait patiently for you, and then we can get married.”
“No!” Scott cried out. He seemed frustrated, tempted, confused, adamant, angry, and just plain stubborn. “I’m not going to marry you, and I’m not going to have sex with you ever again!”
“Why not?!” I demanded. He had never been able to adequately explain this to me. It felt like he kept giving me excuses that mainly revolved around what other people thought; that this was illegal or morally wrong. He’s never once directly explained why he cared what other people thought.
“Because… I feel like a pervert… a dirty old man… I don’t want to be one of those men that pays barely legal girls to have sex with him, and let’s face it, if I didn’t have money, you wouldn’t be here,” he stated, almost calmly now.
“Yes I would!” I insisted. “I’m not after your money, I’m after you! I think about you at least 20 hours a day! When I’m not with you I want to cry; when I am with you, I just want to strip naked and have you run your hands all over my body! Nothing else in this whole world matters to me as much as you do!”
He sighed in amazement, smiled just a tiny bit, but then shook his head. “That still doesn’t change how I feel. I feel like I should be beaten to death or like I should tell your father to shoot me. I don’t feel love when I think about you, I feel lust. I should not feel lust for anyone under 40 at the youngest!”
I chuckled, finding his statement ironic. “But don’t you see! You do think about me, and you do feel lust for me! That’s enough for me…”
“It shouldn’t be! You should be waiting patiently for the man who can truly love you and devote his whole life to you!” Scott nearly shouted.
I wiggled my body slightly to bring his attention to the fact that I still held him on top of me, and that he was still more or less inside me. “If I always did what I should… then I wouldn’t have such a beautiful daughter whom I love deeply. If I could go back and do it all again, I would. I wouldn’t change anything… except I’d probably sneak into your bed every night.”
He was silent for a long time, and I knew he was thinking about how much he loved our daughter as well. The fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything led me to believe that he also would not change her conception.
He rested his head on my breast. “Why must you always confuse me?”
“Because I love you. Why must you always resist me?”
“Because I don’t love you,” he stated, and then rolled off me.
“Yes you do,” I insisted in a whisper.
“No… I don’t,” he repeated, getting to his feet and pulling up his pants. “Last warning; behave or I won’t let you come back here ever again.” He unlocked the door, opened it, and left the room. As the door closed behind him – to preserve my modesty in case anyone walked by – I couldn’t decide whether to be happy that I finally got him to admit to feeling something for me, or cry that he still pushed me away.
I rested my hands on my stomach. I shouldn’t have inserted my diaphragm. I drove him to the point where he wasn’t even thinking about that anyway. Maybe he would finally admit we are a family if I gave him another child, but there was no chance of that.
There was an extremely soft knock at the door, and it opened a crack. “Miss Jocelyn…” Hayley whispered, then murmured quietly, “Dantaelian was crying, so I read her a story, but she’s asking for you.”
I gaped as I realized that Hayley probably knew exactly what had happened in here.
“I brought your robe,” she informed me poking her upper body in the door just enough to hand it to me.
“Thanks,” I told her as I sat up and accepted the robe.
Hayley stepped into the room fully, and shut the door behind her. Then, she knelt to help me put the robe on, and whispered, “I watched from your room as Mr. McDerry went to his. He didn’t see me, but I saw him crying. I wish you wouldn’t make him cry.”
I hugged her. She has always been nice to me, but she was nice to everyone. I knew her loyalty was to her mom’s employer, and that if it came down to it, she’d stop being my friend. I didn’t want to lose her any more than I wanted to risk alienating Scott for good.
“Don’t worry,” I promised. “I won’t. Not anymore.”
Go To Conclusion
Go To Conclusion
This was originally intended to be the conclusion. By that I mean that I wasn't going to do more than 3 parts to this story, but as I got writing what happens next, I realized that this part would end up running WAY too long, so I'm splitting it up in to 2. Therefore, this part is probably a bit shorter than what I normally post. I can't promise that it'll be posted for a couple of days though :-)