I've been feeling strange lately. Ever since I moved to St. Cloud, I've noticed a trend that normally doesn't bother me, but has been weighing me down lately. People don't seem to like me...
I am a Libra, so my natural tendency is to want to please everyone. To make them like me. BUT I'm also WEIRD, and I like being weird. I know I can't please everyone and would much rather be unique than just another sheep among the rest. However, I believe that I am a good person. A valuable friend, and a interesting person to know. Yet, I'm starting to feel like no one agrees with me.
Circulating on Facebook, there are a ton of pictures that say things like:
Be true to yourself.
Follow your heart
Don't give up on your dreams
Don't surround yourself with liars
Don't put up with drama
Don't let anyone treat you like you don't matter
All sayings that everyone can agree are valid and wise, but...
I don't think ANYONE listens to those sayings! I don't think they even WANT to!
For example, my good points are: I am honest, up front, kind, smart, funny, and I try my best to be a lady despite my "dirty" mind. I've been called wise and an old soul. I can keep a secret for others, but don't think secrets are good and cannot keep my own. I treat everyone with dignity and respect, and try to NEVER judge anyone! I try to never talk smack about someone, and don't like spreading negativity. I do like to passionately defend my beliefs, but can easily agree to disagree. I CAN admit when I am wrong... I've actually been accused by several people of being TOO nice for my own good. I try my best to live by those wise sayings...
Then there are my bad points... I am stubborn and lazy. I don't see a point in cleaning unless I am having important guests come over. I am an insufferable know it all. I tend to act like I am always right. I can be arrogant and even rude - though when I am rude, it's usually because I am being thoughtless and not worried about manners at the moment. I come off as stuck up. I am definitely flaky! If I say I'll do something, usually I will, but the problem is that I move slowly; like a tortoise. So, by the time I get around to doing what I said I would, the person I made the promise to has given up on me and assumed that I either lied or broke my word.
I could probably go on, but nothing else comes to mind at the moment. I am one of those that dislikes drama, so I tend to avoid or minimize it. I also never have money to do anything, so I am almost constantly stuck at home. Honestly, I rather like being a homebody, because then I can create things as the inspiration strikes.
Anyway, back to the point. I may have a high opinion of myself, but I think I am a pretty good catch. I think that I am an excellent person to know and friend to have, but the older I get, the more it really feels like no one else agrees. After all, if people really valued those that live by the wise sayings, wouldn't I be fairly popular? Wouldn't people think about me from time to time? It doesn't feel that way.
My best friends seem to have no time for me, and no desire to even call me up for a chat from time to time. My "new" friends seem to forget all about me the moment I'm out of sight. No one ever calls me up to invite me to anything. I know this is probably because they know I couldn't afford to go anyway, but it feels like they just don't think I am important enough to bother with.
The absolute worst feeling though, is that I feel like I have done something to offend a couple of the people I know around here and would like to be friends with. I have no idea what because they won't tell me, but whatever I did seems to make them avoid me. Even going so far as to tell their children to stay away from my children.
That hurts, and it makes me doubt myself. Why should I bother being a good person when it causes people to avoid me? Sigh... Thank the Gods for Elly!
Anyway, I mostly wanted to affirm to myself that I am a good person, but I also am hoping that someone will read this and take pity on me; TELLING me what it is that I'm doing wrong. What do I do that drives people away? I really need to know...
wish I could help you out. I truly like having you as a friend even if we've never met. You've survived the "dead-wood facebook friends" cut several times now! I've been feeling the same way too. Seems like although people SAY they want honesty, they really don't.
ReplyDeleteI talk to you on facebook here all the time. You've been in the cities a few times and havent even told me!
ReplyDeleteHere's the catch...
ReplyDeletePeople don't tend to like people who are different. People judge others even when they say they don't (not talking about you but I have a feeling you probably fit into that)...it is the way of people.
I have many of the same issues you do and when it comes right down to it this is what you have to do.
1. Take a look at your life. Are you happy? If not, then you need to take steps to change that.
2. Are people avoiding you because of something you have said or done? If you haven't done anything wrong (their view not yours) then don't worry about it.
3. Do you owe someone an apology? If so, offer it up. The fight isn't worth the drama. Once you apologize, you place the blame for their anger back on their shoulders.
4.Learn to hold back your opinion (Dear God this is the hardest one for me!!!). Everyone is entitled to their own opinions BUT sometimes, if you lead an alternative lifestyle, knowing about it makes people uncomfortable. The swinger and nudist stuff...the average person will freak out about...not me, but you know I am anything but average or normal.
But the hardest thing is this. You have to figure out how to teach your boys who live this alternative lifestyle with you, that just because others do it differently, doesn't mean their way is wrong...it is just different.
Part of the thing with the boys may be the attitudes they give surrounding food and clothing. Let me reiterate again that it doesn't bother ME...but I know it bothers others.
We live in this seriously PC and brain washed society. No immunizations for the kids? Scary!!! Unpaturized milk??? Don't you know that will kill you?!?! (Note the sarcasm)
You also have alternative views on raising kids...this is bound to create issues for your boys. Why? Because, other children have been socialized differently. Your children view the world differently. This isn't going to be an issue for the other children involved...it's the parents who aren't going to understand and in many cases aren't going to accept this.
Unfortunately, when you don't chose the path of least resistance (normal mainstream lifestyle) it is going to be a little harder. The question really becomes, So what? If you are happy, none of this matters.
So what? Someone doesn't want your kids around...their loss.
So what? Someone has begun ignoring you or cut you out of their lives...again, their loss.
I am pretty mainstream...but I have an Ashley....guess what. I have one daughter who is special needs and I have all of the same issues.
So what? If they don't want to be in my life or Ashley's life...their loss.
The first thing I would like to say is Roxy even though we haven't really hung out much I love you I see you as family. I will always be here for you if you need to talk or if you need someone to stand next to you and fight along your side when the rest of the world is beating you down. You and I are to very different people and at the same time we are so much alike. We view the world so different but that doesn't make you or me a bad person. If everyone was the same then life would be boring. When is comes to other people they will think that being different is the best way to be only if the "difference" is being like them. I'm sorry that your going through this and I hope it will get better for you. Joe and I where talking about heading back up that way sometime in the next year. When that happens I promise you I will find a way to make sure we can hang out and get to know one another and so our kids can play with there cousins. Like I said if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here you can call text or email me on facebook.
ReplyDelete