Butterfly

I looked at the dress through the window, and suppressed a groan of longing. I’d already been inside the store and tried it on, so I knew that it fit and looked gorgeous on me, but it was 500 dollars. There’s no way my parents could afford to let me spend that much on a dress that I’d probably only wear once or twice.

I fiddled with my long red hair, and tried to come up with some way to earn enough money to buy the dress. I had a part time job after school, but so far I’d only managed to save up about 200 dollars. Even if I spent every cent of my next check on the dress, it wouldn’t be enough.

The dance was only 2 weeks away! I didn’t really have a date; I was going with my friend. He was my next door neighbor, and while we had been friends for years, we weren’t anything more. In fact, his girlfriend had just broken up with him, so I was going with him to be nice.

Even if we weren’t like that, he might ask me to have sex with him… After all, it was somewhat expected that couples attending their senior prom together would try to sneak off and have a bit of fun after the dance. I guess it didn’t really matter to me because I trusted him, and he would make a good boyfriend.

I was staring at the window in a way that made my eyes go almost blurry. I was unfocused, and didn’t really see anything, not even the dress I wanted so badly. Something caught my eye, and I realized that there was a man sitting on a bench behind me staring at me.

The mall was crowded, so it was nothing for someone to want to rest their feet for a moment on the benches provided by the mall. He was probably only people watching, and not really interested in me in the slightest, but something about his gaze made me wonder. I’m not sure, but I think he was in his 30’s or 40’s. He looked like he worked out, and was pretty handsome.

Handsome?! What the hell am I thinking??? He’s probably at least as old as my dad! I decided to move on.

Without really intending to, I kept some of my attention on him, so I immediately realized it when he got up and followed me. I stopped in front of another window display, and pretended to examine it. Sure enough, he sat to watch me some more.

Ok, now that’s just creepy! What do I do, what do I do? I could head to the mall security office, but he wasn’t really doing anything, so should I really make a big deal?

I went to the nearest ladies room, took care of some business, and then reapplied my makeup. Maybe I had wasted enough time that he would have moved on by now. I kept my eyes on my cell phone as I emerged from the bathroom, and used my peripheral vision to scan the area. He was sitting on a chair, waiting for me.

I didn’t want to risk him stalking me all the way home, and I also didn’t want to go to security unless he was actually doing something wrong, so I flopped into a different chair – one that I happened to know was right under a security camera.

I texted a few of my friends, and surfed the net a bit on my phone. I loitered there for at least a half an hour, but still… he did not move. Oh god! At this point, I may just need to tell him to stop following me!

I got up to leave. If he followed me again, I was just going to have to report him to the security office. I had to pass him as I walked away, and he startled me as I did so.

“Excuse me…”

I looked at him in surprise; I didn’t think he would actually talk to me! “May I help you?” I asked sweetly in my customer service voice.

“I have a confession to make… I’ve been following you.”

What was I supposed to say to that? “Um… okay?”

“I know that this is entirely inappropriate, but… if I paid you 1000 dollars, would you have sex with me."

I was open-mouthed in shock! “I am not that kind of girl!”

What the hell?! Why would he ask me that? Did I look like a whore? I was modestly dressed, and my makeup wasn’t bad. I liked it to look like I was wearing none at all so I couldn’t look like a slut.

He was still watching me, and his expression made me think that he didn’t believe me. Well of course he doesn’t believe me! What am I still doing standing here?

Then again… he was offering me 1000 dollars! With that kind of money, I could buy my dress and have money left over to put into my college savings account. 1000 dollars…

What the hell am I thinking?! I am not going to accept his offer, but because I was too absorbed in my thoughts to move, he probably thought I was waiting for him to ask again. Like it would be okay if he simply asked me a second time!

Turn him down girl! Don’t just stand there, walk away! Go report him to security! Do something!

“5000!” I blurted out. What???

“Excuse me?” 

I blushed and looked at the floor. “I really have never… I’m not that kind of girl, so… If I’m going to sell you my virginity, shouldn’t I get paid a lot more for it?”

He gave me a questioning look, and then smiled a tiny bit. “You’re absolutely right. It’s good to see a girl who values herself so highly… but… if I am going to pay you 5000 dollars, then I expect to have you all to myself for the entire weekend and you will let me do whatever I want to you.”

I was still looking at the floor, and I bit my lip. I already stated that he would be buying my virginity, which meant he’d would be going all the way. What more could he possibly want from me? Oh… I bet he’ll want me to give him a blowjob and maybe even swallow.

That thought made me grimace slightly. It wasn’t pleasant to think about, but having 5000 dollars in my college savings account would really help me in the future. I could maybe even buy a laptop!

“O… Ok!” I finally replied. I already figured that he meant now, since it was a Friday afternoon, and there was too high a chance that I’d back down or even report him if I waited until next weekend. I pulled out my cellphone again.

“Mom? Alicia invited me to spend the weekend at her house. She wants to have a Harry Potter marathon before we go see 7 part 2. Can I?”

“Um… I guess that would be fine. Your father and I were planning on going out to dinner tonight anyway.”

“Great! See you Sunday,” I smiled as I said that. To be honest, I was a nervous wreck, but if I smiled on the outside, hopefully she wouldn’t realize something was off.

“Have fun honey.”

“You too!” I bade her. Afterwards, I put my phone away, and silently followed my… buyer? Client? Oh god! What have I gotten myself into?

I thought of one more thing, and grabbed my cellphone out again. “Hi, you’ve reached Sadie’s phone, and I’m sorry I can’t answer it, but my battery has died, and I won’t be able to charge it for a couple of days. Please leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” I hung up, turned it off, and pocketed my phone.

“Isn’t that dangerous? What if I do something horribly bad to you? How will anyone ever know where you went or something like that?”

I shrugged. “I am definitely on the security cameras here in your company. I figure if things don’t turn out the way we’ve agreed they will, then my parents will have a starting point, and the police’ll know who to look for after reviewing the footage here.”

“Good point… Ah… So you did notice me following you, and that’s why you sat where you’d be visible to several cameras.”

I nodded.

“Pretty smart actually,” he grinned at me.

“That’s me,” I sighed with a strange emotion, like disappointment mixed with sadness. “In the top one percent of my class.”

“Isn’t that the same as saying you are the top of your class?” 

I laughed. “Well, not exactly. My class size is close to 3000 students, so there are actually a couple others at the top with me… like 30…”

“I see.”

By this time, we were at his car. He opened the front passenger door for me – like a gentleman from the movies – and waited for me to get in. I hesitated for only a second, and then got in.

Why was I doing this again? Oh yeah… 5000 dollars… Dear mom and dad, I am sorry that I turned out to be such a bad girl after all. I didn’t really plan to be bad, but…

His house actually wasn’t far away. I could walk home from here if I needed to, but I was confused now. Did a man who lived in this regular neighborhood really have 5000 dollars to spend on my virginity, or was that just bait to lure me here.

I sighed, and muttered, “I guess I’m not as smart as I’m supposed to be.”

I don’t think he heard me as he was walking around to open the door for me again. He held out his hand, and I took it as I got out of his car. I don’t know what I was expecting, but so far I was a tiny bit disappointed.

He opened his house door, and escorted me in. Inside, he held my hand for a minute, and looked into my eyes. I saw a strange expression cross his face.

“Not that it matters – I’m doing something illegal here either way – but how old are you?”

“17 for two more months.”

“I see, and rather more honest than I expected.”

I heard a clock chime 7PM, and wondered who had clocks that chime anymore? Whatever… 

I nervously watched him watch me, and wondered what he planned to do. Was he just going to whip it out right here and expect me to suck on it? Or was my first time actually going to be in a bed?

He didn’t answer my silent question, but he did lead me to a bedroom. I briefly looked at all of the pictures on his wall, and realized that he was pretty much alone in all of them. Looks like he didn’t have a family to care that he was planning on paying a teenager for sex.

“Wait here,” he commanded, abandoning me in his room for a moment.

I looked around his bedroom, and was mildly surprised that it was as clean and pleasant as it was. It was definitely decorated by a man, but not in a bad way. One would almost think that he had an interest in interior design.

“I know you might find it strange for someone to have this kind of cash in their house, but here you go,” he said as he handed me a thick envelope.

I looked through it enough to realize that there probably really was 5000 dollars in it. Oh my god! My hands shook as I thought about the money in my hands. I was officially holding more money than I had ever seen in my life!

“Thank you,” I stammered.

“For what? It’s only what you are about to earn.”

“I know… Thank you for not being some sicko luring stupid girls like me into…”

He laughed slightly. “Well, I guess that still remains to be seen.”

I put the envelope in my purse, and set it on his dresser. There was a video camera there, and it suddenly glowed red as it started recording. Wait a minute! That wasn’t part of the deal!

However… it was 5000 dollars… I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and wondered what he wanted me to do. Should I strip or should I let him undress me? Was that even important yet; maybe he wanted to only uncover what need to be uncovered. 

I really should have watched a porn or read a smut novel to figure out what a man like him would like done. Then I remembered that this happened so fast that I wouldn’t have had time to prepare anyway. I couldn’t even call any of my friends for advice!

He ran a hand through his hair, and I realized that he was nervous too! This stunned me. Surely he knew what he was doing…

“I… um, well, you see… you did agree to let me do anything I wanted to do, so…” His face turned red, and I started to wonder if this good looking 30 or 40 year old man was a virgin too.

Finally, he spit it out, “I want to tie you up!”

I had already told him that I was fairly smart, but seriously, I felt like such an idiot right now. “Huh?”

“What I really want is to force a young girl against her will, but we took care of that with our little business arrangement, so… I figure if I tie you up, you can pretend to struggle and tell me no. It’s why I have the camera sitting there… so that I can protect myself by having you clearly tell me beforehand if that would be ok.”

Oh god! What have I gotten myself into??? I know I told him that he could do whatever, but I had no idea that he meant this! Um um um, what do I say?

“But what if I really want you to stop?” I wondered.

“Then you tell me a safe word. Something to let me know that you are serious.”

Interesting idea… “Um… butterfly,” I said and then covered my mouth with my hand. That sounded like I just said yes!

“Butterfly, ok,” he nodded in agreement.

Wait no! I didn’t mean that… but it’s 5000 dollars, but but… I nodded in agreement. This is so not how I pictured my first time!

He carefully removed my clothes, and I helped him. I was astonished to discover just what I would do for 5000 dollars. I mean never once had I considered prostitution to be a good idea, but now that I have been confronted with it, I couldn’t seem to find a good enough reason not to.

“I’m going to be rough with you. Feel free to scream, cry, yell… whatever you feel like. Just know that I really will stop if you say the safe word,” he promised.

“I understand.” I am so scared right now. It sounds like he actually plans to hurt me!

He tied my hands together, and then pushed me onto the bed. I whimpered, but otherwise kept my mouth shut. He grinned at me in a way that was slightly evil, and I felt tears slide from my eyes. WHY? Why was I so determined to do this?!

He opened his pants, and pulled out his hard and ready dick. I had never really seen one before – certainly not a hard one – and at this moment, it terrified me. He spread my legs.

“No, please no!” I begged. I honestly couldn’t imagine that that thing would feel any good inside me. He gave me that slightly evil grin again, and I realized that he wouldn’t actually stop because I hadn’t said the safe word. He watched me think this over, and though I was crying – nearly sobbing at this point – I didn’t say it.

“Just so you know, I decided to do this first because the first time hurts anyways. I promise it’ll get better later on.”

He shoved himself inside me, and there was an intense pain. I think only a little of it was the actually pain of losing my virginity. The rest of it was shock, and my already emotional state of expectancy.

“Please stop, that hurts!” I cried. He pulled out a bit, and rammed himself back inside me. I gasped, and then sobbed. The safe word was running around and around inside my head, but I couldn’t seem to say the damn thing!

He continued to bang into me for so long that something strange happened. I no longer felt pain. I even relaxed and stopped crying. Did I go into shock? I mean I felt him doing it still, but if anything, I was almost numb. He paused, and kissed the tears from my cheeks.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“Why?” I asked, wondering why anyone would want to inflict that kind of pain on someone.

“Because I know it is wrong and that I shouldn’t do it. Something about the forbidden…”

That actually made some sense! I know I had always wanted to do most of the things my parents told me not to… like have sex with strangers for example… I guess we’re both perverts.

His kissed me, and I felt my heart skip a beat. He resumed his thrusting, only this time I felt a strange heat. It felt… good; or at least it did not feel bad like it had.

I found myself grunting, and it sounded like I was actually enjoying myself a bit. Suddenly, he buried himself as deeply inside me as he could, and I felt something hot and wet gushing inside me. I stared at him in puzzlement until it dawned on me that he had just cum.

He carefully settled his weight atop me – my bound hands between us – and kissed me some more. The kissing was really wreaking havoc on my heartbeat. I found this strange. It had been pounding earlier when he first started, but that was to be expected since I was afraid then. Why was it doing so now?

After several minutes of kissing – in which I felt like I was getting rather good at it – he started to thrust once more. This time he did so slowly, gently. He smiled at me.

“I warn you; a man who has recently cum can last a very long time. We could be at this all night.”

He had to be pulling my leg! I know he asked for a weekend, but I thought that he planned to include sleep, meals, and a shower or two! I had no idea that sex could last all night!

I honestly don’t know how long he leisurely thrust into me as he kissed me, but I felt completely devoured by him. I figure several hours must have passed since we started, and briefly wondered if my mom had called to check up on me yet. If she had, then she probably called Alicia’s house when she heard my message, which meant that she could very likely be worried sick about me right now.

I firmly shoved that thought into the back of my head, and returned my concentration to the man on top of me. He was now sucking on my neck, and that hot and wonderful feeling was back again. I moaned even as I prayed that he wouldn’t leave any marks.

His mouth shifted to my breast, and he paused in his thrusting to nibble and lick my nipples. I made him stop for a moment to untie my hands, and then dug my nails into his head, pushing my chest into his mouth. Okay, this may have been a good idea after all!

A few minutes later, he unexpectedly pulled out of me completely, and before I knew what he was doing, his head was between my legs. I clamped my legs together, and tried to pull him by his hair. “No!” I protested.

“You did say anything,” he reminded me and then resumed his oral assault on my anatomy. I was so sensitive there that it hurt slightly, tickled, and felt good all at the same time.

I tried to control my breathing in order to keep calm, but his tongue was doing something that made my toes curl. I was digging my nails into his head again, and something strange was happening. I felt hotter than ever, and I swear my body was about to melt completely.

“Butterfly! Butterfly!” I screamed.

He laughed. “Now?”

“Yes!” I insisted.

“Sorry, but just this one time, I am going to ignore that,” he informed me and then his mouth was on me again.

“Ohgodohgodohgod!” I screamed and grabbed a pillow to cover my face as I sobbed. This felt so good, and I have no idea why I was sobbing, but having a pillow to cover the whole embarrassing mess seemed like an excellent idea.

There are no words to describe what I was feeling next, but I can say that I was shaking and screaming into that poor pillow. Even so, I am certain that his entire neighborhood heard me. Some of them had probably even called the cops. I could totally picture the look on my parents face if they had to come bail me out of jail after this, and it wasn’t pretty.

I am such a bad girl!

“So…” my lover began, “Do you want me to do that to you again?”

“What??? No! Not yet!” If I had any energy left at the moment, I would have jumped to the other side of the bed.

“Are you sure?” He asked and then licked me once more.

“Butterfly!” I yelled.

He laughed. “Ok, but then I have nothing else to do but bury myself deep inside you once more.”

Um um um, help?

He did exactly that, only this time something was different. His every thrust rubbed me in a way it hadn’t before, and I was soon begging. I am not sure why I was begging, but I was. I started shuddering in orgasmic pleasure again, but he did not stop.

He continued on for so long that once again I seemed to get numb. I was so tired that I think I turned into a zombie. He must have realized that something wasn’t right for he squeezed me as tightly as he could, and ended with a powerful, banging thrust. I felt that hotness again, and I smiled.

“Thank you!” I cried out in relief. I really hoped that this meant that he would let me get some sleep before he started over again tomorrow. WHY did I agree to a whole weekend???

Strangely enough, Sunday afternoon arrived far more quickly than expected. I was thoroughly fucked in every way imaginable, and I had loved almost every minute of it! I had definitely earned that 5000 dollars.

You know, in a strange way, I think I am going to miss this man. I know that I shouldn’t get attached to a… client… but what girl doesn’t have strange hopes about the first guy she has sex with? I’d look so good as a bride!

Bride?! Yep, I need to get home soon! I’m starting to think some very weird thoughts!

I waited until he was asleep – not finding it unusual at all the he was asleep after our afternoon! – and then got dressed. I wrote him a note to say goodbye, tucked it under “my” pillow, grabbed my purse, and left. Walking home was awkward and I was sore all over.

Plus… I was grinning like a complete and utter idiot! Oh wow! I think that I am going to have a very strange look on my face for the next couple of days. I am certain that my parents are going to find out – just by looking at me – but I’m not going to tell them any details!

I stopped by my bank, and deposited my money into my savings account. There was absolutely no sense in bringing it home with me, and doing so would probably say more about what happened than I ever would. I grinned again, who knew that sex could be so enjoyable?

“Where the hell have you been?” My mom demanded. She’d seen me walking down the block, and couldn’t even wait for me to get in the house before confronting me.

I tried to stop smiling, but couldn’t quite manage it, so I covered my mouth with my hand. I debated lying, but knew that no lie in the world would convince my parents at this point. There was no use in denying it.

My dad pulled my mom back into the house so that we could continue this conversation inside. “Don’t bother asking, it’s written all over her face.”

My mom sighed. “I know…” She sounded disappointed, and I wondered why. This was 2011 after all, and I was not the first girl to have sex while still a teenager.

“You’re right… I was at a boy’s house. His parents weren’t home…” I shrugged, and refused to say any more. I was both telling the truth, and lying, but I had to. If I told the complete truth, my lover would get into serious legal trouble, and I wanted to protect him no matter what.

My parents were speechless that I actually admitted it. I waited for them to decide whether they were going to ground me or accept it. Technically, having sex was not wrong, but lying about where I was going to be so that I could do it was. I knew it, and was prepared to deal with the consequences.

My dad came to a decision first. “We have been worried sick since about this time yesterday, and because you put us through that, you’re grounded,” he announced with soft but firm determination.

I nodded in acceptance, and took a step towards my room. I needed some sleep anyway, and probably a shower too, but right now, sleep was winning the battle. I wondered how I was going to be grounded since I didn’t do anything but go to school and work. It was actually a rare thing for me to be in the mall like I was the other day.

As I took my third step away from them, my mom sobbed a question. “Please tell me you used protection!”

I couldn’t look at them. I couldn’t very well tell them that for 5000 dollars, I didn’t care about protection because I figured I could just have an abortion if necessary and pay for it with my own money. According to my research for debate class, abortions only cost about 400, and I could now afford that.

“Yeah,” I whispered and nodded, and then continued on my way. I was crying just a little myself now. I had never lied to my parents before, but I’d now told three of them, big ones too. I faced them once more.

“I’m sorry I lied about where I was, but I didn’t think you ever let me if I asked to stay at a boy’s house,” I stated.

“Damn straight!” My dad replied.

“What boy? How long have you known him? Why haven’t you ever mentioned liking a boy enough to do this?” My mom wanted to know.

“I’m really tired…” I said to avoid her questions, and then blushed as I realized that for it to have the proper impact, I was going to have to say it all out loud. “I didn’t get much sleep this weekend.”

It worked, my mom was crying on my dad’s shoulder again, and he was too busy trying to comfort her to stop me from taking refuge in my room. I didn’t even take my clothes off, but simply flopped onto my bed. I think I fell asleep exactly two seconds later.

I didn’t know it, but my parents checked on me a half an hour later, and found me sleeping across the foot of my bed. They straightened me out, and covered me with a blanket. I am pretty sure I was smiling in my sleep.

The next morning, I took a wonderfully soothing shower, and discovered marks all over my body as I toweled off. Thankfully they were mainly on my breasts where no one would see them, but still, I had to make sure that my parents didn’t notice them. No need to freak them out even more.

After school, I stopped by the mall on the way to work, and bought a cute dress to wear to prom. It wasn’t the 500 dollar dress I lusted after before, but one that I could have afforded anyway. I realized that it was stupid to spend so much money on one dress when I was only going to wear it once. My money would be better off earning interest in my savings account for college.

When it was time to go to prom, I went with my friend, and easily told him no when he hinted that he’d like to bring me to a hotel room. I wasn’t interested in him like that, only now I had the confidence to tell him so. He understood, but the look he gave me made me think that my parents had specifically asked him if I was at his house when they couldn’t find me.

On my 18^th birthday, things were finally back to normal with my parents, and I was a good girl once more. Of course this was because I hadn’t snuck off to have sex again, like they had feared. It also helped that they stopped asking me for details.

I went to the mall to buy myself a small present, and was startled to see my lover sitting on a bench watching everyone around him. He looked older somehow, and I frowned as I wondered if he was looking for some other girl to buy for a weekend. This made me irrationally jealous!

I watched him for some time, my cellphone in my hand as an excuse as to why I was just standing in the middle of the mall. He really did seem to be looking for someone – the bastard! I marched over to him to give him a piece of my mind, and then faltered when he saw me coming… and smiled.

Had he been waiting for me? I was suddenly shy. I was officially 18 now, so I could theoretically call my mom and just tell her that I was going to spend a weekend with my lover, but somehow I didn’t think that would go over too well.

“I really hoped I would see you here today. Here.”

I accepted the box curiously, and opened it to find a beautiful emerald necklace. I looked at him in confused amazement. Why had he given me this?

“Happy Birthday… I looked through your purse when you were asleep at one point, and wrote down your name and birthday.”

“Wow!” I honestly couldn’t think of anything better to say, I was too stunned. He took advantage of my silence by putting the necklace on me.

“Just as I thought, beautiful!”

“Thank you,” I gushed, almost crying from joy.

“Marry me?”

“What?!” I gasped.

“You’re 18 now, and so legally you can get married…”

“Yes, but…” I was momentarily speechless. I swallowed repeatedly. “But, I still have school for another week, and…”

He grinned that slightly evil grin again. “That’s not a no.”

I gaped at him; he’s right! Why hadn’t I just said no? I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and then realized that it was because I was holding my breath.

He sighed. “Here’s the thing… I’m dying…”

“What?” I couldn’t have heard him right.

“It’s true, I’m dying. I’ve had heart problems since I was born, and there isn’t anything they can do about it. I’ve kept myself as healthy as possible, and that’s helped, but… Anyway, I never got seriously involved with anyone because I always knew that I would die soon. About three months ago, my doctor told me that it was so bad that I really don’t have too much longer to live.”

“But, but,” I protested the news, tears falling from my eyes. “You look so healthy!”

“I know, but I don’t feel healthy. Anyway, that’s why I gathered up the courage to ask you what I did. I’d felt my heart thump when I first laid my eyes on you, and though it was wrong… Well, I figured that I was running out of time anyway, so what did it matter if I started breaking laws, and living my life to the fullest?”

I felt sick, and put one hand over my mouth. The other I used to cradle my stomach. “Then why ask me to marry you?”

“I know, it’s unfair, but I don’t want to die alone.”

“I… I… I’ll be right back!” I rushed to the nearby ladies room, and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. When I was done, I took the time to wash the tears from my face, and reapply my makeup.

I smiled quietly at him as I came out of the bathroom, and noticed he fiddled with a ring. It was a rectangle about ½ an inch long, and the stone was emerald. Now that I thought about it, I realized that it matched my necklace.

“I will,” I answered and held my hand out so he could put the ring on my finger.

“I figured,” he muttered, and I knew that he thought I was just some greedy gold digger who would do anything for the right price. I really couldn’t blame him.

I sat in his lap, and kissed him. Maybe my kiss could reassure him that I wasn’t like that at all. It’s not something I could say because he would always believe what he wanted to anyway.

“I already applied for the license, so we could go right to the courthouse and be married in less than an hour.”

I laughed. Leave it to him to be prepared! “That sounds wonderful, but I am afraid that I won’t be able to stay the night tonight, or any night soon. I need to finish school, attend the graduation ceremony, and have my party… then I can even come live with you if you want.”

“I understand,” he wrapped his arms around me, and I was in heaven. We practically ran to his car, and were at the courthouse in no time.

I checked my appearance, and was thankful that I was at least wearing a pretty dress. It was even mostly white. The ceremony took surprisingly little time, and it was official! I was now Mrs. Tyler!

He drove us to his house, and we made love. I was concerned by the difference between this time and last, and it truly hit me that he was dying. Why did I marry him knowing that he was didn’t have much longer to live?

I can only guess that I wanted all the time I could get with him even if only a day.

That night, I acted completely normal. I gave my parents no reason to suspect that I was now a married woman. I honestly didn’t want to ruin their happiness over my graduation just yet.

I asked my work not to schedule me anymore, and used the hours that I was normally working to visit my husband. I had previously taken the entire weekend of my graduation ceremony off, and so I couldn’t see him at all. He came to the ceremony anyway, and I almost cried to see him in a wheel chair!

Everyone thought that I was teary eyed over graduating, and I just let them think whatever they wanted. I did my best to smile, but I think I stared at him more than I should have. My parents noticed me looking at him, and wondered who the hell he could possibly be.

They had noticed my necklace, of course, but I had hidden my ring. I hadn’t mentioned my mysterious lover at all since that first weekend, and as far as they could tell, everything was the way it was supposed to be. All they wanted now was for me to pick a college.

The day of my party arrived, and I was absolutely giddy! After today, I could announce my marriage and go live with my husband! I hadn’t seen him since my graduation ceremony the previous weekend because my mom kept me hopping with party preparations, and I was spending as much time as I could with them before saying goodbye.

All my relatives were here and most of my friends. A couple had their own parties today, but other than that, it was everyone I knew. I was on top of the world!

Everyone started singing me a congratulations song, and I was cutting my cake. It almost felt like a birthday celebration, but much better. I smiled as I finished the last cut, and then looked at the crowd. I froze.

There was a police officer standing at the edge of the crowd, and my sudden silence caused everyone to look at him. My hands shook. No, please no!

“Which one of you is Mrs. Sadie Tyler?”

I fiddled with my ring, which I had decided to wear today. “I am.”

I could see the looks of absolute shock on everyone’s face. My parents weren’t shocked so much as full of disbelief. Everyone wondered what I had done that I needed to use an alias with the police. 

He walked to my side, and quietly announced, “I regret to inform you that your husband passed away this morning.”

I gasped, and nearly fell to the ground. The officer steadied me as I wailed into his shirt. “No! Not yet!”

I was suddenly terribly sick, and turned to lean over the trash can. I vomited violently, and moaned as someone helped me into a chair. I immediately crossed my arms on the table, and buried my face in them to sob.

The officer finally finished his message, patting my shoulder as he did so. “Your husband placed a call to 911, but did not say anything. He was gone by the time we got there, and his body was taken away in an ambulance. We found this addressed to you.”

I accepted the large manila envelope, and stared at it without seeing it. The officer apologized for ruining my party, and walked away. I was feeling numb again.

My parents had no idea what to do, and the guests figured that it was probably time to leave. I could do nothing but clutch and stare at the envelope in my hands. I knew he was going to die, but I honestly thought we would have more time than this.

The envelope contained all of the instructions for his funeral, and his Will. He had taken care of everything, which was probably for the best because I was too much of a mess to know what to do. It also contained a letter, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it.

I said almost nothing for the next three days, and ate very little. I only had one black dress in my closet, and I refused to wear anything else. At the funeral, my parents sat beside me, and I was amazed to see that most of the people who attended were older. Which – when I thought about it – made sense considering that my husband had been 38 when he died, and hadn’t had any close family.

During the funeral, I gave my letter to the minister to read, since I couldn’t see straight long enough to read it myself. My mom had responded to my grief by pushing her shock into the back of her mind, and holding me as much as possible. She even made herself not ask me questions. My dad was not happy at all, but he also held his tongue.

“And now I shall read a letter from Marcus Tyler to his newly wedded wife. My dearest Sadie, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so sorry that I have put you through this. Please… forget about me, move on, and live your life. Fall in love again… and know that I will always be watching over you from heaven.”

I was sobbing again. How in the hell was I supposed to do that?! I had my hands over my mouth and stomach again, and knew it was only a matter of time before I threw up. My stomach had refused to behave ever since I heard the news.

Two weeks later, I was lying in bed when my mom came into my room. I hadn’t gotten out of bed since I came home from the funeral, and my mom was worried about me to say the least. She rubbed my back.

“I thought that we could go clean out his house and figure out what to do with it… but first, I need you to do something for me.”

I looked at her curiously. “What?”

“Will you please take this into the bathroom with you and pee on it?” She handed me a pregnancy test.

“What the – Why?” Then it hit me that she was worried that I had gotten pregnant. “Oh…” I thought about this for a bit. I hadn’t had my period since… “Oh… oh!”

I was suddenly excited. I raced to the bathroom, and took the test. I paced the bathroom nervously as I waited for the results, and knew that my mom was now waiting with me. I was going crazy, and decided to distract myself by pulling on my hair and staring in the mirror.

My mom gasped, and I looked at the test. It was positive! I jumped and squealed excitedly. I threw my arms around my mom, and then hugged my dad – who had come to investigate my suddenly loud demeanor.

After hurrying to get dressed, I dragged my parents to my husband’s house, and felt so much better about this whole relationship than I had in days. We were going to sort through his things, and give out the things he had willed to various distant family members, but first, I needed to do something.

I opened the door, and gasped again. Everywhere I looked were tiny little post-it notes, and they all said the same thing; Sadie, I love you. I went to the nearest picture of him – which was located on a side table next to the couch – and knelt.

“Marcus, I’m so sad that I did not get a chance to move in with you and enjoy married life before you died, but you told me that you were dying when you asked me to marry you, so it is my own fault for putting my graduation before you. I miss you so much! … You asked me to move on, and I thought that would be impossible, but today I found out that we are having a baby! I’m so excited! I really wish that you could be here for this, but I promise to be a good mom and love him or her enough for the both of us.”

I felt almost happy after saying all that, and noticed that my mom was crying. My dad was holding her, and I would swear that he had tears in his eyes too. A gust of wind blew through the house – but don’t ask me how since none of the windows were open – and one of the post-it notes landed in my lap.

I took that as a sign from my husband that he had heard me, and that he really would be watching me from heaven. I kissed the note, and stuck it to the picture of him. “I love you too.”