Yes, I Am an Enigma

I was telling my BFF about an incident when it occurred to me that I may have given people the wrong impression about me. It's understandable really, I have stated that I am a swinger, and discussed my sex life so I completely understand if people think I am a total slut. Except it's not true.

Recently, I went to the laundromat with my hubby because well, where else can you do 8 loads of laundry in about an hour for less than 10.00? After we got the washer loaded up, hubby leaves to run an errand, but before he did, I noticed a man I thought was good to look at. I sit down to watch TV, and a few minutes pass.

Suddenly, this good looking man asks me if I have seen his wallet, and I knew from the first second that he knew exactly where his wallet was - I'm a tiny bit psychic like that - but I am a nice person (no really, I am!) and so I helped him look around a bit. His eyes were red, and his speech was slurred, and I thought, "Oh no, a drunk." Drunks love me. I think it's because I grew up around them and know how to handle them, plus drunks seem to like the idea of more cushion for the pushing. Just sayin'...

So, I sit, and try to ignore him - politely - but he sits down next to me, and starts asking questions.
"Where's your husband?" Uh-oh! He wants to know if I am single!
"He's off running an errand." I am not exactly sure how this next question came about or was phrased, so I'll post it as if it were direct, but to be honest, it was pretty darn sly, lol
"Where's your wedding ring?" He didn't believe that I was married.
"This is my wedding ring, see, it's an opal because that's my birthstone." Other than not being a diamond, it actually does look like a wedding ring, so he believed me.
"You're really nice." He had decided to try to proceed even though he knew I was married.
"Aww, you're sweet." And other than being creepy because he looked and acted drunk, he was sweet. Plus, he had a 7 or 8 year old son floating around - he's a single dad - and his son was well behaved! Oh... and he had a southern accent, mmm mmm mmm!
"Do you think your husband would mind if you gave me a hug? I bet he would think it inappropriate." Uh-oh! He wants to get all touchy feely. BUT, I am a swinger, and I also happen to be pretty darn honest. If I don't want you to know something, I don't lie about it, I just keep my mouth shut. In this situation, I didn't really care either way.
"No, we both think of hugs as something friends do, and as totally appropriate."
"Really? Well... That's true." He seemed to be wondering if he could push his luck, and guess what, I was ready with a reply of "Wait a minute, we're not friends yet." but he dropped the issue.

He nodded off a few times for just a second or two, and had an amazing ability to keep track of the conversation considering that he was probably drunk, and half asleep. His friend decided to come over, and I found out that he was also a single father, though his kids didn't live with him full time. I wondered if this information was intended to make me think of what could be going on when his kids weren't around.

I excused myself to go check on my laundry. AKA I beat a hasty retreat! In front of the driers, I texted my hubby, "Help, I am being hit on by a drunk and his friend!" I was not really afraid, though the though did occur to me that there were two of them, and only one of me, and I may not have a choice in the matter... Which to be honest has a certain appeal... sorta... a little, but also ooks me out.

I returned to my seat, and he had gone to check on his laundry. Now it was time to get hit on by the friend. Are there no good looking and available women in St. Cloud? Or am I just the only one in the laundromat at the time? OR, am I encouraging them by being nice? ...... or, am I possibly attractive to them? I mean I do have impressive pumpkins, and ultimately men don't really care about much else. I guess they figure they can always turn out the light.

Anyway, I asked the friend questions about him to show that if I was going to consider anything, it was going to be with the muscular red-head. Sorry, but the friend was just not my type, but I will admit that he was in pretty good shape, and wasn't unpleasant to look at. My BFF and I would call him a 3 - doable.

I found out that creepy drunk guy was NOT drunk. I honestly thought a drug of somesort by this point because he had a subtle difference from a drunk man, and you want to know what, I have never been around druggies. I refuse, I will not, if a man hit on me and he is a druggie, so long, hasta la vista! Not gonna happen... so I have no idea what a druggie acts like. This guy was on drugs, the prescription kind.

Apparently, he was taking an Anti-depressant that made him go to sleep, and I do know that there are plenty of these. I also gave him the benefit of the doubt because he had such a wonderful, well-behaved son, and I had a hard time believing that he could raise the boy so well if he was on drugs... the bad kind.

He came back to sit next to me, and we chatted a bit more. I felt a bit more comfortable being in between them at that point. Earlier it had almost freaked me out. But this time, the friend knew I wasn't interested, and didn't really flirt. I'm all for flirting when it's understood that it's just flirting, not when someone is seriously trying to get in my pants, and I don't know enough about them to be interested.

Then, just as I thought that we were getting friendly, and in a good way, hubby comes to my rescue! I hadn't expected him back so soon, but he'd gotten his errands done in excellent time, even before I texted him. I saw him and my boys coming at me, and GRINNED. You know, it's not often I am between two men, and neither one is my husband... and I mean that in a totally clean way. Seriously, this is one instance when I am not referring to sex!

We finished up our laundry, and as we left, I looked for the two men I'd chatted with, because I wanted to be sure they saw me leaving laughing and happy with my husband. I wanted to be sure that if I ever did laundry in the future, and happened to run into them, they knew I really was a married woman with two kids. The friend seemed to be on the lookout for me, and smiled and waved goodbye. I returned the smile and wave, safe now that my hubby was with me.

So, here's the enigma. I am a swinger, I could have asked hubby for permission to exchange numbers with the red-headed looker. I could have even gotten permission to have a booty call or two. I could have... but I didn't. I didn't even want it. Granted I thought this guy was drunk, and that is a big turn off, but he seemed sweet, and I was just asking the universe and my angels to send me a person to date and have fun with. So, what if he was the one they sent? What if I missed out because I mis-judged him? I guess if it is meant to be, he will be there the next time I go to the laundromat, preferably not knackered looking.

But you know what, right now, I don't care. I was happy to be hit on... sorta, and I remember the incident fondly, but I am not in a hurry to repeat it anytime soon, lol! Plus, I think it became obvious at one point that I was staring at this one chick's ass. I am not an ass person, but damn! Yummy!

Oh, and while we are on the subject of women. We went to a pizza buffet not too long ago - which is why I have a nasty cold coming on but anyway - and while we were there, I went to the bathroom, and a GORGEOUS and completely well breasted woman walks into the bathroom, and asks me if I am in line. Oh my gods! I so wanted to get her picture! I return to our table, and rather more loudly than intended babble, "Honey, give me your phone, and I will go stalk the gorgeous woman in the bathroom, and ask her for her picture!"

Hubby is amused and reaches for his phone, but I notice that this statement has completely startled the people at the table next to us, so I sit down, and mutter, "Nevermind... but keep an eye out for her, she is just yummy!" Hubby asks, "Is she tall with brown hair, and a wonderful rack?"
"Yes! Did you see her?" Our neighbors are strangely silent. They are a couple with a small child, a toddler. They know we have two sons, who are not yet old enough to be scandalized by our conversation. I turn my body around to get a good look at the bathroom door, and I see her legs but nothing else as she walks back to her table. "Aw damn, you missed her. When we leave, we are going that way, I still want to sneak a pic."
We really did go by her table on our way out too, but I didn't have an opportunity to take a pic, damn!

Oh, and as for the neighboring table, they totally left before we did, heh heh... I have no idea why since they got there after we did, and we didn't take a particularly long time to eat... anyway...