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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Thoughts on a Show Called My 600lb Life

I am going to make this short and probably piss off everyone who reads this, but here goes.

Recently, I watched with my husband and kids a show called: My 600lb Life - Melissa's Story. In it, a woman named Melissa weighed 650+ pounds and needed to get a gastric bypass. The story is an AWESOME account of perseverance and changing one's life for the better. However, according to statistics collected by those that perform the surgery, a high percentage - like 80 to 90 percent - of people who get the surgery end up divorcing their spouse.

Melissa married her husband when she was extremely obese. Their entire relationship was based on the fact that he had to help her do everything, even wipe her butt, because she couldn't do it herself. They showed a scene in which she was naked on the table during surgery, and I have to tell you, I seriously doubt that she and her husband had sex. If they did, it was probably very hard to do, but she had a big ball of fat hanging between her legs that probably made having sex completely impossible.

Dear Melissa, if you ever read this blog post, I am sorry, I am not trying to be mean to you when I say these things, I am simply trying to express an opinion that I already said would probably piss everyone off. I am also an overweight woman, so I know how you likely felt. It's not fun.

That said, here's my unpopular opinion. Later on in the show, it was revealed that her husband had chatted up other women to meet up and have sex. I CANNOT BLAME HIM! A - he probably wasn't getting any, and B - sex is NOT the same thing as love. He so obviously proved over and over during the show that he loved his wife, caring for her through thick and thin. I was outraged thinking that she was going to divorce him just because he had met a basic bodily need with another woman.

Here's the ironic part. In the show, their marriage had initially suffered as she started losing weight and could do things for herself. Their dynamic was destroyed and they had to find a new one. And then they did. Once they found a new dynamic, they fell in love all over again and their marriage was great, AND THEN she found out that he had cheated on her.

She didn't divorce him, but she did start treating him like shit. I literally stopped the show so that I could shout at the TV. I shouted something like: "How dare you get mad at him for having meaningless sex with random women when YOU could not!" I was furious with her! Her husband took excellent care of her when she needed him to, and he never complained. The only thing he needed to do in order to cope was have sex with someone else when he could. I think it is entirely selfish of her to think that he couldn't have sex ever just because she couldn't.

Anyway, to my relief, they worked through some of their issues and stayed married. By the way, this show encompassed 7 years of their life. Just when they seemed to be doing okay again, they lost a baby and SHE started getting bitchy with him again. Ever since originally finding out that he had cheated on her, she'd say things like: "My next husband is going to love the fact that I'm skinny!" I wanted to seriously punch her!

They stayed together and eventually had a baby girl. This girl is so obviously loved by both of them, but their marriage seems to be rocky at best. He cheated on her again when she was unable to have sex after the baby was born. I have mixed feelings on that one because 1 - it's only 6-8 weeks, he could wait that long, BUT 2 - he still had sexual needs, and rather than pressure his wife into having sex before she was ready, he went elsewhere. I find that rather sweet.

I know women who resent their husbands for pressuring them into sex when they weren't ready. Especially after having a baby. Sometimes, it can take women 6 months to feel ready for sex again. Which husband is the bigger ass? The one that verbally or physically pressures his wife into having sex when she isn't ready, or the husband that understands his wife's inability and meets his need without pressuring her? I literally wanted to give that poor man a hug! He was just trying to be a loving and understanding husband, but he happened to do so in a way that turned her into a bitch.

I think she realized that she was being unfair to him, because she stopped being a bitch to him by the end of the show, but it was easy to see that their marriage was not doing well. I pray that they can find a way to set aside all their past mistakes and find a way to move forward as a loving couple with a beautiful daughter. I pray that  they learn to communicate their needs and accept them. I pray that they come to a place where they can be totally honest with each other and not judge or feel threatened by the honesty. Stated simply, I pray for them.

However, to be a bit of a bitch myself, he's a better catch than she is. For 11 years he has understood and supported her needs, setting aside his own except for the few occasions when he cheated on her.
For 11 years, she has struggled with her weight and her identity and worth as a person. Now that she finally has settled into the role of a good woman who weighs 200lbs, is a mother, has a job, and can be independent, I fear that she is going to let it go to her head and divorce her husband after all. It's like slapping him in the face and saying: "You were only good enough for me when I needed you to take care of me, but now that I don't need you, I can pretend to be the victim and toss you to the curb."

It just pisses me off! Marriage is a partnership! It is about meeting BOTH partners' needs. It's about communication and compromise. If  one partner expects the other to do everything and never make a mistake, then that partner is frankly not ready to be married.

ARGH! Sigh... okay, so this turned out to be longer than I thought it would be, but seriously, this whole: "He cheated on me so I must turn into a bitch and destroy his life!" Thing is getting SO old. Get over it already! The only way to "cure" or prevent cheating is to let each partner say when they have needs that aren't being met without fear of starting an argument. When each partner can say: "Hey, I need more sex and you haven't wanted any in months, can I please find a booty call?" and the other partner doesn't immediately start wailing and threatening to cut off body parts, then there is no need to cheat because each partner is secure in the relationship. They trust each other. They talk to each other.

Ah anyway, that's just my two cents.

2 comments:

  1. And it's not just sex. Anytime a partner needs something, it is expected that they should be free to go to the other one and say: "I have this problem, how can we solve it?" Marital problems happen when one person cannot go to the other for help because the other will decide that this plea for help is a reason to get upset and start fighting. Way to work out your problems! not...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't see what is controversial about this blog post...I agree with much of it...

    ReplyDelete

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