In Search of God

Ever since I first decided to be wiccan/pagan, I've thought about choosing a God or Goddess in particular. My belief - which is very wiccan - is that ALL gods are one God, and that the one God is really two Gods: The Mother and the Father. If I want to Honor one aspect of divinity - such as Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth and Home - I can do a ritual invoking her specifically.

My options are unlimited, which really appeals to me. To be honest, I tend to work more with my Angels than with any one God/dess. I love the Angels! They seem to be more accessible than the Gods.

However, everyone who has chosen or been chosen by a patron God/dess talks about how much more spiritual work they get done. That appeals to me too. More and more as time goes by.

Ever since I was a child, I've been....... Anti male...... If I heard two Amazing songs, one performed by a woman and one by a man, I almost always loved the one by the woman 100 times more. Someone once asked me why my playlist was all female artists, and I hadn't really done that on purpose, so it was a shock to realize that it was true.

Then I also have to deal with being a Libra - which is all about balance. I want to honor men as much as I honor women. It can be very confusing, especially since I have boys, and I want them to be exposed to boy power every bit as much as they are exposed to girl power.

All of this is basically to explain why I find choosing a particular God or Goddess as a patron to be difficult. I like them ALL! I love Kuan Yin and Budda and Jesus and Mary and Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Aphrodite, and Artemis every bit as much as I love Apollo and Thor and Loki and so on... (SEE? I have WAY TOO MUCH variety to choose from! It's like being a non-diabetic in an all you can eat candy store!)

Okay, so recently, the idea of choosing a patron God has appealed to me more and more. It occurred to me that I could do SO much more spiritually if I had one God/dess to give me direction and purpose. However YEARS of trying to find the RIGHT Goddess have not produced a single one that SPEAKS to me on a deep and profound level.

My main spirit guide (who I refer to as an Angel - named John, lol) is a man. The only person who could ever truly see him told me that he is native american, which makes SO much sense to me. I bet that he is standing next to me laughing his ass off that I keep looking for a Goddess. It never once occurred to me that I should look for the right GOD...

Then I read an article from a woman that talked a lot about how we neo-pagans tend to favor Goddesses over Gods, but that she personally has always been fascinated by Zeus. This actually resonated with me.

As I said, I am a Libra - which is traditionally a male sign; airy, balanced, and indecisive. My moon sign is Taurus, and my rising sign is Aries (that's where I get my fascination with women kicking ass, by the way, lol!). Taurus is pretty much the complete opposite of Libra: Female, grounded, stubborn...

To me, a patron God or Goddess is going to have to appeal to both sides of me. The airy and the grounded. This seemed impossible, but since Zeus resonated with me, I decided to look into him a bit more. Previously, I knew that he was a womanizing Sky God who hurled lightning and frustrated his wife Hera to no end. Very basic research revealed this astonishing fact:

BEFORE Zeus overthrew his father to become the King of the Gods, He was an EARTH God! This is so exciting! He is the only God that I have ever come across that literally IS BOTH an Earth God and a Sky God! He has my air and my earth qualities AND the more I read up on him, the more like me he seems. So I think I may have found my Patron God after all :-) Yea!

And then - during the course of my research - I did some research on Hercules, who also seems like an AWESOME God in my opinion, so now I am conflicted again, lol! However, I think that the reason I am drawn to Hercules is that he is the World's most beloved Hero. I wouldn't really want him as my God, but I love thinking about him and researching him, and imagining his life.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this down, mostly as a way of recording my thoughts so that I can think some more and then come back and reread this and see if I still feel the same later on. Choosing a Patron God is a HUGE step after all :-)