Libra Thoughts on Marriage - AKA, I'm a weirdo, lol!

As a Libra, I naturally think relationships and Marriage are awesome and totally worth it. I think that when two people meet and feel a spark, they should immediately plan out their next step, such as moving in together or even getting married. It seriously frustrates me whenever I watch a show - or know a couple in real life - that take FOREVER to admit that they like each other and want to be together. I do believe in love at first sight AND in death do you part.

That said, I am a weirdo, lol! I have always been poly in my heart, planning out how awesome it would be to have a husband AND a wife, and I would seriously love it if my beloveds had girlfriends and/or boyfriends of their own. My motto would be the more the merrier if we could find people that would actually fit into our little family without causing strife. I mention strife specifically because my hubby has a temper and is the most likely one to cause strife, so really, we'd need to find loved ones who can either handle a temper gracefully, diffuse it easily, or just plain ignore it and wait for it to blow over. I absolutely do not want to be part of a family that does nothing but hold shouting matches!

Okay so, that out of the way, here's what I suddenly realized the other day. Our ancestors may have known more about what they were doing than we give them credit for! I'm talking about the ones who arranged marriages for their kids. I'm also talking about a time when it was so common that it was almost expected for the bride to be young and the groom to be old. I'll give you a moment to shudder over that because you probably have some ugly preconceptions in mind of perverted old men raping teenaged girls in the name of creating heirs.

Okay, you good? Shuddering done?

Good!

Here's why I think our ancestors may have known more about what they were doing than we think. Let's start with the common scenario of an older man marrying a younger girl. For ease of math, we'll make him about 40 and her between 16-18. That makes him approximately 20 years older than her. Ironically, it would be even better for her if he was even older, but I'll just go with this for now.

Our older man probably has at least a little money, because that was a big thing that parents looked for. They wanted the husband to be able to take care of their daughter. HE wanted his new wife to be young enough to easily have babies to inherit his money some day. It seems like a match made in heaven to everyone except perhaps the outsider wondering why the poor girl can't marry for love.

Here's an odd phenomenon: The more you spend time with someone, the more you love them. This means that people you hate can grow into good friends, and people you kind of like can grow into passionate lovers. So long as a man is not abusive - and really, most men aren't - his wife will either grow to love him OR love her children and be grateful to the man who gave them to her and takes care of them - her included. A lesser form of love happens. She's probably happy, even if she had already fallen in love with someone else, and if she's not 100% happy, she'll probably take a lover on the side to meet her baser needs.

Okay, so fast forward 20 or so years. Our younger wife has had her husband's heirs and he's gotten older and - assuming he's indulged in bad habits his whole life - he's now closing in on death. Let's say that he dies while she is still in her late 30s to early 40s. She's still young enough to get married again and even have more kids if she wants. He probably left her a little something to live off of in his will (though most of it went to his eldest son), so now SHE'S in the position to take care of herself and possibly a much younger man.

So she marries a man in his early 20s, one who is just getting on his feet and doesn't necessarily want kids yet, but needs love and support. She supports him - maybe having kids, maybe not - until he is in the position to take over and support a family. This really is a love match and makes her so incredibly happy! He's there for her as her health declines, and then one day, he's the 40 year old man who wants a younger wife. Especially if his first one didn't give him children. He's now fully on his feet and capable of supporting a family.

So the cycle starts over. Yes, I made it a little to cut and dry, assuming that the older person would die while the younger one is still young enough to move on and marry again. But think about it, THIS way, a person has the opportunity to have 2 loves in their live. One which is more like a good friendship and the other which is more passionate. Hell! They could both be passionate! But more importantly, it is a very supportive system, making sure that younger people are taken care of. (And you know, in my poly world, the older one wouldn't have to die before the younger one married again, lol!)

Some of the fun of marriage is struggling at first and then overcoming all obstacles and challenges. I get that, I really do, but in my opinion, overcoming challenges is less stressful if done in a supportive environment. Also, when two people want to bring children into the world, I personally think that it is just better all around if at least one of them can financially support the entire family. YES, I KNOW that is strange coming from me considering that I am on welfare and cannot support my family. Yes it does contradict my belief that having kids is just part of life and should not be planned or saved until a couple has "enough" money, but if given two choices - having kids with money or having kids without money, I think most people would agree that having kids WITH money (as in you have money, not the kids, lol) is so much easier all around :-)

What made me think about all of this? You might wonder. Well, I reread my story called Jocelyn's Decision and it got me thinking. Jocelyn starts out as a 13 year old, and as teenaged girls are wont to do, she grows infatuated with an older man. Her infatuation grows into full out love over the years, and if she had lived in an earlier time, he could have simply married her and they could have lived fairly happily ever after.

Unfortunately, they live in a time in which - and I could never really understand how this happened in just the last hundred years - any man over the age of 18 (especially over 21) literally CANNOT fall in love with and marry/have sex with an under aged girl. Thousands of years of biology telling us to have young/old pairings, and suddenly now it's wrong. I shake my head in disbelief.

Don't get me wrong, I really do understand that a girl should be able to choose her husband and whether or not she is READY to get married. I do not think that we should go back to a time when young girls were literally FORCED to get married to old men they didn't want anything to do with. I am NOT trying to advocate any form of rape here. All I am saying is that we as a society need to stop being so anal when it comes to age. Teens can and do fall in love. Real love, or at least they think it is real. Even if adults know and can prove that it is simply the result of teenaged hormones, it literally is real to them.

Our society shuns and shames the older lover, saying that he (or she) should know better. We call them perverts and label them as sex offenders and try to send them to jail. It is automatically assumed in any case where an adult has any sort of sexual relations with a minor, that the adult forced, raped, molested, or coerced the minor into sex, but I remember being a teenager... I KNOW that teens often want sex with adults! I'm just saying that if we stopped being so anal about it and just let love - real and true love - take its course in any form, EVEN young/old, then maybe the world would be a better place. Shrugs.

Good night all :-D

Ambivalent

So yesterday I spotted. It started as a little, faint, brown spot, got pinkish and gooey later on, but still miniscule, and then I had one bright red spot before bed last night. Imagine pricking your finger, then dropping one good drop of blood on a piece of paper. It was about that size, maybe a little bigger.

I had already planned to go into the doctor because I was about 10 weeks and knew that it was about time to go in and get checked out. So I went into the doctor today and had:

- A lab visit for a urine pregnancy test - positive.
- A visit with a Doctor to have a vaginal check and various routine tests. With an order to back to the lab for a bunch of blood tests.
- A brief consult with a nurse who ordered more OB related tests to be drawn.
- A second visit to the lab to have all the said tests drawn - I think it was 7 vials, maybe 8.
- An ultrasound to check on baby,
- A much longer visit with the nurse to discuss the ultrasound and plan out my next few steps.
- A visit to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions.

I left my house at 12:45 in order to get to my doc's by 1:30. I stepped out of the pharmacy at 4:16 and found I had just missed the bus and needed to wait until 5:10 for the next bus. Then I transferred to the next 2 buses I needed and got home at about 6PM.

Can you see why I HATE taking the bus?! I ate about 15 minutes before I left the house, and by the time I got home, I was so hungry that I attacked and devoured the left over spaghetti my hubby made for him and the boys!!!

Anyway, so what did the doctor say?

The official answer...

We're not sure.

Lol! Gotta love doctors!

Basically, The tests show that I am pregnant, as did the vaginal exam. However, the ultrasound couldn't find a baby in the gestational sac. The sac itself measures at 7 weeks 5 days, but I expected that. Remember how I told you that the ultrasound always shaves 2 weeks off how far along I am? According to my last period, I was 10 weeks, but in my mind, I already figured the ultrasound would tell me about 8 weeks.

The tech and the nurse both told me that there could be several reasons that they couldn't find a baby in the sac, the most likely being that it's just not far enough along to see. The tech also told me that the sac is in a part of my uterus that is hard for the machine to see. Normally, it's right near the cervix at the "bottom" of the uterus, but mine was up at the top of my uterus. So the vaginal probe couldn't get a good view. The probe that goes on top of my tummy had a hard time penetrating the sac too, probably because of where it's located, and because I have a lot of belly fat.

Basically, they told me not to count it as a loss just yet. More accurate is the HGC test. It's the pregnancy hormone and where it's at - AND more importantly - if/how it changes over the next couple of days will tell them more than anything if I have a viable pregnancy or not.

So, I cannot be excited about the impending baby just yet, but I also am not depressed about a miscarriage yet either. Hence ambivalent. The nurse told me to assume that I am still pregnant and go from there. So I am.

However, just being able to see that there may not be anything in there has helped a lot. If it turns out that there is a baby in there, I will be blessed, but if I should miscarry, it actually helps a lot to know that there might not be a baby in there anyway. In other words, this miscarriage isn't killing a baby, if that makes sense.

I guess you could say that I am at peace. I can easily wait the next couple of days and see what happens. I'm also going to have a talk with my Angels and tell them what I want to happen, but I'm not going to be angry at them if I don't get what I want. It's all part of life and probably part of my life's plan (fate, karma, whatever you want to call it), so I just need to figure out what my lesson is and learn it :-)

Good night all!

Update

Today - 12/14/13 - I am officially farther along than when I miscarried last year. I was waiting for this day because now if I go in to the doctor and have an ultrasound and the baby is alive in there, I can be reasonably sure that it's actually going to stay in there. I'm happy, but I'm still being cautious because traditionally, the risk of miscarriage doesn't drop off until the 12th week, and I'm not quite there yet.

According to the date of my last period, I'm 10 weeks along, HOWEVER, the ultrasound almost always shaves 2 or so weeks off that, so according to it, I'm probably only 8 weeks along. The paranoia is getting a little easier to manage, but I still run to the bathroom every time I feel even the smallest drop of moisture shift around down there to check for spotting. Thankfully, I am NOT spotting.

That said, here's why I just can't relax: My body is NOTORIOUS for playing tricks on me!!! When I was pregnant with Gryffin, my body HID this from me until the last possible moment. I even took a pregnancy test at around 3 months along which came up negative. When I did finally figure it out, my stomach actually popped out and that's when the baby really started moving around in there; like he was saying: Well, I guess I don't have to hide anymore!

Another example of how my body will play tricks on me. When I miscarried last year, I had mixed feelings about having the baby versus not, so when I started spotting, I begged my body: Oh please don't let it be over so soon! My body stopped spotting, and everything went on as normal until I went in for an ultrasound and was told that the baby had died a few weeks prior to the ultrasound. It was AFTER I found that out, that my body actually went through with the process of miscarriage.

SOOOO - since my body likes to lie and trick me - I am still half afraid that the same thing is happening now, where it's already dead in there, or worse, never really was in there and my body just decided to pretend it was! I wish I could have an ultrasound every day, but aside from getting my insurance to agree to pay for that, I'd have no way to go in and have one every day, and I mean that literally. I can't drive there, and no way in hell am I taking the bus to the doc's office everyday!

Anyway, to combat this rampant paranoia, I have told my Angels to protect this baby and keep it growing healthy and strong in there. It is strange to think that I'm going to have a 9 year old, a  7 year old and then a newborn sometime in July (give or take a few weeks)! I just never thought it would really happen again. I thought that my boys were the only two miracles that the Gods were going to give me!

But you want to hear something really crazy? I think there might actually be two in there... EEK!

Oh, and I gotta tell you that keeping this from my boys is getting harder and harder. They ask me like once a week when I'm going to have another baby, and I can't lie to them, so I've started telling them, Oh... maybe someday soon. Lol! I can't wait until I'm 12 or so weeks along and I'm sure that everything will be okay. Then I can tell them and we can all be excited together :-D

Jocelyn's Decision - Alternate Ending

When I wrote Jocelyn's Decision, I was completely satisfied by the ending. I explained why in the comments, and never planned to change it, even though it made some readers so mad! And then, over the last week, I suddenly had a recurring dream of sorts in which the ending turned out differently. To be clear, I am NOT changing the official ending, but pretend for a moment that there are different realities in which other outcomes happen. This story is that alternate universe and what could have happened :-)

“Miss Jocelyn… Your dad wants to talk to you,” Bea informed me.

“Tell him I’ll call him back,” I mumbled.

“You misunderstand… He’s here.”

I sat up abruptly, and then groaned. I ached everywhere! “Man… he really did a number on me…” I muttered out loud to myself. I forced myself to focus on the clock.

“It’s been five hours?!” I gasped.

Bea handed me my plaid pants, and I slipped them on as I carefully got down from the desk.

“Where’s Dantaelian?” I asked.

“Still with Hayley. She called shortly after I returned from shopping, and since I couldn’t find Mr. McDerry, and you were sound asleep, I gave them permission to grab a bite to eat before going to a movie they begged to see,” Bea informed me.

“Scott’s not home?” I inquired, frowning.

“No,” she replied with a shake of her head.

I followed her to where my father stood just inside the entrance. He was in his police uniform, and Larry stood next to him. Both looked sad, and Larry even seemed on the verge of tears. This was an event so rare, I had never seen it before.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“That’s what we’d like to know,” Jim, Tim, and Harry stated, calling my attention to the fact that they were sitting on some stairs behind me.

My dad cleared his throat softly. “Larry received a phone call not too long ago. It seems that he is listed as Mr. McDerry’s emergency contact…”

I sighed. “Did he ask you to come make me leave? Talk about overreacting!”

“No… he… was in a bad car accident about 2 hours ago.”

It felt like all the blood in my body drained to my feet and then into the ground under me. “What?” I whispered, not able to accept that I’d heard the truth.

From the soft gasps behind me, I knew that no one else could believe their ears either.

“He's critical, Jocelyn. The doctor's don't think he'll live. It was a pretty bad crash involving three other cars.” Dad put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly, but my knees went weak. I fell to the ground, sitting on my knees, my feet wide apart.

“You’re lying! You have to be lying!” I wailed in anguish, unable to believe that the man I loved was at death's door.

I could hear his sons and Bea crying.

“I’m not lying,” my dad insisted gently.

I slammed my fists on the floor and screamed. “No! This can’t be happening!”

“This is all your fault!”

“He didn’t have to work today!”

“He probably wouldn’t have left if not for you!” His sons accused me, and I gasped when I realized that they were right.

I started sobbing. “Oh God! I killed him!” I wailed dramatically, feeling like it was true even though he wasn't actually dead yet.

My dad squatted to pat me on the back. “Hey… this is not your fault.”

“Yes it is!” I insisted in a wail.

One of the boys sighed, sniffling to stop his tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it… You’re not really to blame.”

Another one couldn’t make himself stop crying, but added his thoughts. “We were just so shocked earlier…”

“We weren’t prepared to see that…” The third finished.

I was still sobbing, curled up on the floor in something resembling child’s pose. “Yes it is my fault! From the time we woke up this morning, we were arguing. I challenged him to a drinking game hoping to get some answers out of him, and he got drunk, again. If not for me getting him drunk, he wouldn’t have crashed. So it really is all my fault!”

My dad sighed, and I think he had a pretty good idea of the things I had left out of my explanation. “No… Drunk or not, he chose to drive. Plus, he could have refused to play your game, but he didn’t. He chose to get drunk. You are not to blame.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better!” I shouted. “You’re only making me feel worse!”

“Jocelyn…” My dad tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away. I got to my feet and ran outside until I could see my car. I threw open the door and climbed in, ready to drive to the ends of the Earth if necessary in order to be with Scott.

“Jocelyn! Where are you going?!” My dad shouted after me.

“To the hospital!” I shouted right back, only to realize that I didn't have my keys on me. I screeched in frustration and beat my fists on the steering wheel.

“Hey!” My dad pulled my out of my car and shook me a bit roughly. “If you tried to drive in your emotional state, you'd likely end up in an accident too!”

“I have to get to him!” I insisted passionately, trying to break free from my father's grasp.

“I understand that, so stop fighting me and get into the limo with everyone else. I'll drive!” My dad growled at me, forcing me to calm down and look over to where everyone else was standing. Apparently, Larry had anticipated the fact that we would all want to rush to the hospital and had pulled the limo out of the garage so that it was waiting for us to pile in and go. Everyone else stood in front of it watching me with this look that made me want to start crying all over again.

The look was sympathetic and understanding – we were all upset about Scott after all – but part of it was also angry and hard. Like they not only blamed me for the situation, but also thought that maybe I was just pretending to be upset. Reggie was the only one who had ever said it to me directly, but I knew that they all thought that I was simply playing with Scott so that he would give me money.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and sent up a prayer of thanks that Reggie was with Hayley and my daughter. I really didn't need him to look at me with his hate and anger right now. It would be more than I could bear!

Calmer now, I squared my shoulders and marched to the limo. It's not like I knew where the hospital was anyway, so I really did need someone who could think clearly to drive. My dad was right! I probably would have gotten into an accident by driving around like a crazy woman!

In the back of the limo, I was silent and numb for the first five or so minutes. My hands were white as they gripped each other, and I literally shook. Tears began to fall from my eyes one at a time until I had a small stream pouring from me. I felt like Scott's life literally depended on me getting to the hospital as soon as possible! I felt like he would die if I didn't make it to his side in time.

Those thoughts sent me spiraling into a depression that I couldn't shake. All I could do was curl my legs into my chest, hold my knees with my arms, and rock uncontrollably as I cried and cried. Bea looked like she wanted to comfort me, but she was busy trying to comfort Tim, Jim, and Harry.

They weren't crying like I was, but they did look numb with shock and fear. If I could stop crying long enough to pay attention to them, it would have been obvious that they were hurting pretty bad too. Even Bea looked ready to break down and cry, but she managed to keep it together for the boys.

Meanwhile, Larry was also lost in his thoughts. He had been Scott's friend for a very long time, and he was probably going through the stages of grief himself at the thought of loosing such a good friend. My crying seemed to help him though, because he responded by putting a hand on my shoulder and making soft noises in an attempt to calm me down. It didn't work, but I appreciated the effort.

It seemed to take an agonizingly long time, but we eventually arrived at the hospital.

“Where is he?!” I demanded of the first person who worked there that I came across. She was only a receptionist and looked at me as if I was crazy. Enraged by her lack of cooperation, I grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her closer so that I could growl at her. “WHERE. IS. HE?!”

“Jocelyn!” My father chided me, sounding astonished and ashamed by my behavior. He pulled me off of her and held me tight as I struggled to be free. Considering that he was in uniform, the woman decided not to call for security to come handle me.

“We're here to see Scott McDerry,” Bea explained much more politely than I had been.

The receptionist looked him up and then gave Bea a look of sympathy. “He's still in the ER, but you can all go to the waiting room and talk with the staff there.” She gave us directions to the waiting room and Bea thanked her.

I would have taken off running like my life depended on it, but my dad held onto me like I was a disobedient child. I struggled to pull free, but he was a trained police officer and far stronger than me. With a frustrated growl followed by a sigh, I realized that I was acting like a child, and did my best to calm down.

Waiting for Scott to get out of surgery was hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! I absolutely could not sit still and ended up pacing the waiting room incessantly. Every time a person that worked in the hospital walked by, I asked for an update on Scott, but all they could tell me was that we would be told as soon as there was something to tell.

Hours passed and I wasn't the only one who seemed to go a little crazy. The boys started bickering because they had to release some tension before they lost it like me. I was a mess! Tears flowed from me continually, even after my cheeks literally stung.

Finally, doctors emerged to talk to us about Scott. I practically mobbed them, clinging to one of the pair desperately.

“Is he alive?!” I demanded.

“Are you family?” They asked me, sounding cold to my overwrought ears.

“We're his sons,” the three of them chorused together. “So yes, you can tell us what is going on.

With a nod, the doctors explained that Scott had survived so far and was stable, but that they still couldn't be certain that he would live. We could see him, but he was unconscious and we had to be careful not to jostle him. Doing so could rupture his stitches or cause internal bleeding.

We all promised to be careful, and then stood staring at Scott in shock. He looked terrible! I couldn't stand to see him looking so beat up, so I buried my head in my dad's chest and simply cried.

Days passed. Scott remain stable, but he didn't wake up. This was only partially because of the drugs they gave him to manage the pain. The doctors assured us that he was simply trying to survive and that he would wake up when he was ready, but the longer he slept, the more concerned I could feel them getting.

Bea couldn't stay in the hospital, neither could my dad or Larry. They left and returned for visits when they could, but I refused to leave, and so did Tim, Jim, and Harry. We all camped out in Scott's room, which – by the way – was big and roomy because Scott was apparently a large donor to the hospital and they were willing to give him and us anything we wanted. They knew he was wealthy and would be paid a fortune for his care no matter what happened, so they played nice.

Even so, the doctors kept frowning at me. I didn't notice it at first, but eventually I couldn't ignore it any longer. “What?” I asked them impatiently.

“Who are you? You're not listed as an immediate family member, so technically, you shouldn't be here.”

“Uh!” I grunted in protest, offended by their rude disregard of how much I loved Scott.

“She's immediate family,” Harry stated, surprising me because I thought they were all asleep.

“She's our dad's... girlfriend, I guess you could say,” Tim added with a shrug.

“She's the mother of his daughter,” Jim finished the explanation.

My eyes were watering again, touched that they seemed to accept me as part of the family. I nodded in agreement because the doctors were looking at me in disbelief. I bet they thought we were lying for some reason.

“I haven't let our daughter come visit because I don't want her to see Scott like this, but it's true. We do have a child together,” I stated, my eyes returning to Scott, who hadn't really changed except that his heart was beating strong and steady now.

“I guess I went against your wishes then,” my father informed me as he entered the room. “Dantaelian threw a fit until we agreed to bring her here. She is afraid for her father's life and needs her mother to comfort her.”

I started crying again, having no idea how I was going to be strong and keep it together for my daughter. My dad stepped to the side and let Hayley and my daughter into the room. They both looked like they had been crying almost as much as I had. I held out my arms, my heart constricting at the thought of my daughter crying so hard over anything.

“Mama!” She wailed as she flung herself into my arms. Sobbing, she squeezed me tight as she looked over at Scott. “Daddy's hurt!”

I lost it again, sobbing with her as the doctors shook their heads and left the room. Eventually, we both calmed down and she fell asleep. I'm willing to bet that she hadn't slept well at all in days! I handed her over to my dad, who promised to take her home and bring her back for another visit later on.

A few more days passed, and Scott was doing really well. His wounds were healing and no longer in danger of rupturing. In fact, if he would just wake up, the doctors would probably let him go home to finish recuperating. As it was, they said there was still a chance that he might give up and die after all. I watched as nurses changed his bandages and shifted him slightly to the side so that he didn't develop bed sores from laying in one position for too long.

After they were gone, I studied his sons for a few minutes to determine that they were really asleep. It was exhausting doing nothing but praying all day long, so exhausting that we had actually all taken turns going to the hospital's gym just to get a break. We'd exercise for a bit, grab something to eat from the cafeteria, and then return to Scott's side.

With a sigh, I nodded in relief that they really were sleeping. I had something to say that couldn't be said in front of anyone because I was too emotionally raw and couldn't bear it if anyone heard me spill my guts. As carefully as I possibly could, I climbed into the hospital bed with Scott. It was larger than the regular beds because the hospital wanted him to feel pampered when he woke up, so I had just barely enough room to lay on my side next to him.

“Hey Scott,” I said softly, not quite a whisper. I grabbed his hand and held it tight. “You'd better be in there listening to me, because I've got something to say to you. Don't you dare leave me! I don't want to live my life without you! You hear me?”

I lightly ran my hand across his face to brush his hair to the side. It was longer than he usually preferred it, and somehow, he looked younger. He still had bruises, and they were that nasty blackish purple color that was tinged with yellow. It was a sign that he was healing, but he still looked terrible. The sight of him made me cry again.

“Please?” I begged. “Please? … Please don't leave me. I need you! I'll do anything you ask if you just come back to me.” I cried all the harder for a few minutes because my begging didn't seem to be working. Then I got angry.

“If you leave me, I'll never forgive you! You have a daughter that still needs you! Your sons may be adults now, but they still need their dad too! You can't leave us like this, damnit!”

This had no effect either, so I simply cried on his shoulder until I fell asleep, occasionally mumbling the word please over and over. As I slept, everyone gathered; my dad, Larry, Reggie, Bea, Hayley, Dantaelian, everyone! They were quiet so that they didn't wake the four of us, which meant that I had no idea that they were there. Simply being with Scott helped me to sleep better than I had since my birthday.

A nurse came in at one point to check on Scott's vitals. She was doing her own thing – documenting his information – when she suddenly gasped. It was loud enough that I heard her, but I refused to pay her any attention because I was so afraid that she had bad news.

“You're awake!” She stated in awe.

“Yes... how long have I been asleep?” Scott asked softly.

My eyes flew open and I stared at him in astonishment. He was looking right at me, the best he could with my head on his shoulder. My hand was in his because I had apparently refused to let it go.

“Mr. McDerry!” Hayley gasped happily, calling my attention to the fact that everyone was here.

Tim, Jim, and Harry rushed to the side of the bed so that they could put their hands on their father and reassure themselves that he was still alive and awake. “We thought we lost you!”

I started crying again, so happy that I just couldn't contain myself. I clutched his hospital gown in my free hand, squeezing his hand in mine; afraid that if I let him go, I would wake up and find that I was dreaming this miracle.

“Oh come now, surely things can't have been that bad,” Scott said, shifting his attention to his sons.

They didn't have a chance to respond before Dantaelian burst out wailing. “Daddy! You were asleep forever and ever!” She ran to the foot of the bed, climbed up carefully, and rested her head on his leg. “I thought you were never going to wake up!”

Scott looked around the room in concern. He could see by the looks on everyone's faces that she wasn't simply over exaggerating. He paled as the implication hit him.

“But... it was just a small fender bender,” he protested.

My dad shook his head. “No, I actually went to the scene of the accident. You may only remember a fender bender, but it was a bad crash involving three other cars. It's been determined that you were not at fault – the person you hit was responsible – but he died. There's been one other death and five people were critically injured. Thankfully, they've all recovered now.”

“How long was I asleep?” Scott wondered, his voice sounding concerned for the other victims of the accident.

The nurse told him exactly how many days – close to two weeks – that he had been in a coma.

“And you've all been here this entire time?” Scott asked incredulously.

“Not all of us,” Bea answered with a soft smile, her eyes shifted to me. “Just your sons... and her...”

“This was all my fault!” I blurted out.

Scott sighed and rolled his eyes. “No it isn't. Now will you all please give me a few moments alone? I want to get out of this bed and also talk to my doctors in private.”

I felt crushed! After all my worrying, he was still pushing me away. It hadn't even been 10 minutes since he'd woken, and already he wanted me to leave him alone. I closed my eyes to hide how hurt I was. If he didn't want me, I wasn't going to let him see me cry!

“Come on baby,” I said, scooping up my daughter. We all quietly left the room, waiting out in the hall. I couldn't handle it anymore!

“Dad, will you take Dantaelian? I need to walk around for a bit to clear my head and I think I'm going to take a bus home.”

My dad nodded, taking my daughter from me and kissing me on the temple. “Hey... don't worry. Everything will be better now.”

I shrugged, unable to believe him.

*****

“Jocelyn? Can we talk?” Scott asked. He had been home over two weeks now, but I had been avoiding him when I was here. As a result, he had come to my room. I shrugged in response to his question.

“Whatever,” I muttered. Inside, I was preparing for him to kick me out of his house for good. I pulled my knees to my chest and held them with my arms.

He looked me over, noticing that I looked horrible, like I had been sick in bed for days. With a sigh, he sat on the edge of my bed so that he wasn't looking at me. He stared at his hands in silence for a few moments.

“Listen... I was telling you the truth when I said that I don't love you. Not the way you want me to anyway. I do care for you as the mother of my child and as my...” He sighed again, running a hand through his hair.

I looked away from him, knowing that he was trying his best to let me down gently.

“I'm never going to marry you, but I do want you in my life. I want what you have been offering me for so many years... a family. I guess almost dying forces a man to reevaluate his life, and I realized that I can be more or less alone when I die, or I can surround myself with loved ones,” he said, sounding like he really had given this a lot of thought.

“Yeah, well you don't need me for that. You have so many people who love you already,” I stated, deciding to make it easier for him to just tell me that he wanted me to be a good mom to our daughter but to basically leave him alone.

“True, but I want more... I have been thinking about how much joy Dantaelian has brought me. You asked me if I wanted another baby and I didn't know how to answer that, but now I do. I want more children, and... And even though I feel perverted even suggesting this, I can't imagine any other woman giving birth to them. So, if you still want to, I...”

“Wait!” I burst out incredulously. “Are you asking me to have more kids with you?”

Scott chuckled wryly. “Yes.”

I narrowed my eyes at him warily. “And do you mean naturally; by making love? Or do you mean by using a chemical process that doesn't require us to share a bed?”

This was important to know because I wouldn't agree to it if he just wanted to inseminate me in a doctor's office. He slumped over, still not looking at me. Every ounce of his body emanated shame for a moment, but then he took a deep breath and faced me.

I watched his hand reach out and slowly pull me closer. Very softly, he gave me a kiss and then hugged me. His hand stroked my hair as I listen to his heart beat. I melted into him completely, hoping against hope that he wasn't about to reject me yet again.

“I said that I don't love you but that I do want you in my life. If you're willing, I would like to have more children... the natural way... by making love...” He informed me hesitantly. “I just need you to understand that I will not marry you, and if you one day decide that you really do just want my money, you won't get a dime! But... if you are serious about being with me and having a family... I'd like that.”

I thought about this quietly for a moment. Could it be that he was suppressing his feelings for me out of the fear that I am just after him for his money after all? Considering that women have apparently thrown themselves at him his whole life, this made a lot of sense.

I snorted a laugh. “So... what were you going to say? You care for me as the mother of your child and as your...” I asked insistently.

He was silent for so long that I thought he was going to change his mind and leave the room before we finished working out our problems. Finally, he took a deep breath.

“Lover,” he stated, honestly as far as I could tell.

I smiled, winding my arms around his neck. “That's enough for me. So... when do you want to get started on those other children you mentioned?”

“How about now?” He murmured, almost whispering against my neck.

I purred happily, utterly thrilled that he was not drunk in the slightest and still wanted me. I kissed him, pressing my body into his.

“Now is good,” I murmured. He moaned, an expression of so many emotions; relief, desire, self-loathing, maybe even happiness. I smiled again. Maybe – if I kept telling him how much I loved him – maybe one day he would believe me and stop treating himself like a monster for having feelings for me. Maybe things would actually work out after all.

For the first time, I had hope for the future.

Sanguine - Part 13 - The Finale

This story has been published to Kindle Vella.

Cautiously Hopeful

I am cautiously hopeful :-) I don't really want to shout about it until I know for sure that it's going to stick around, but like 5 people read my blog and so I don't mind posting it; not that I'm trying to keep it a secret either, lol!

I'm pregnant! :-) This is happy news, and yet, since I miscarried last year, I am doing my best to not got too excited. I'm not going to make any plans or consider any names until I pass at least the 12 week mark. There are only two people in the whole world that I want to keep this a secret from, and that's Gryffin and Phoenix. The last time I was pregnant, they got so super excited, and then when I miscarried, they cried harder than I did!

So, because I don't want to break their hearts again, hubby and I are not talking about the bun in the oven until we are reasonably sure that it's going to finish baking and come out perfectly golden brown, lol!

Here's a pic of the pregnancy test I took. When I first took it, that plus was bright and confident, but then I put it in the plastic bag so I could put it in my purse and bring it home - I was at my mom's when I took the test - and it faded quite a bit before I got a chance to take a picture of it, but you can still see the plus sign telling me that I'm pregnant :-)

Now, according to my last period, I am only like 6 weeks along, so - since I miscarried at 7-8 weeks last time, I am going to wait until the 8th week before I go in for an official confirmation and an ultrasound to make sure that little one is alive and well in there.

But you want to know what? I am totally paranoid! I bet every woman who has ever miscarried feels this way. I am trying not to think about it, but every time I am in the bathroom, I check for spotting, and then I send up a prayer to my angels that this one will be healthy. It's going to be a long and rough 9 months! lol.

Anyway, I haven't done that 30 days of thanks giving in honor of Thanksgiving, but here's mine:

I am grateful for my husband and my boys and thankful that the Gods have seen fit to send another blessing my way. I pray for a girl, but experience has taught me that I'd rather have a live baby of either gender than a miscarried baby of indeterminate gender.

In other good news, I have achy breasts and the ability to sleep nearly 20 hours a day if I want, but I thankfully don't have nausea with this one, so yea! I didn't really have nausea with either or my boys, but I did with the one I miscarried, so maybe this is a good sign.

On this last day of November, may your blessings multiply too :-)

Mob Story

“Your dad's going to kill me, isn't he?”

Rachel laughed, waving her hand airily. “I won't let him! And besides, I think that if he was going to kill you, he would have already sent somebody to murder you in your sleep.”

Grant chuckled nervously. He knew she wasn't joking and it made his stomach churn uncomfortably. His eyes were glued to the mansion they were parked in front of; it looked welcoming enough, but it felt like a death trap!

Rachel sighed and used a hand to make him look her in the eyes. “Look, I told you that my dad's a mob boss because I didn't feel right bringing you to meet him without you knowing. The whole family acts like a mob unit, and it would be pretty hard to miss it. Especially if you happen to overhear them talk about killing someone. I didn't want you to figure it out in the middle of a conversation and freak out, okay? But it's not too late... If you can't handle this, we can still leave.”

“No... I'm... okay. I can handle this... I think,” Grant tried his best to assure her, but his hands literally shook from how nervous he was. The problem was that he had something important to do that was going to be a whole hell of a lot harder now that he knew what he was up against.

“Relax,” Rachel insisted with a smile. “It's only Thanksgiving! It's sucky and awkward no matter what family you're part of! Just think of the bickering you are about to hear as completely normal and you'll be fine!”

Grant nodded, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm his nerves. “I'll try.”

“Great!” Rachel exclaimed happily, kissing him as a reward. “Now, just remember, whatever you do, don't talk about how we already live together and bang like ever chance we get! I mean be honest about it if he asks you directly, but otherwise keep your mouth shut. I'm pretty sure that's one topic that'll have you escorted out behind the shed.”

“Are-are-are you serious?!” Grant stammered, feeling dread rising up his throat.

“Yes. Yes I am,” Rachel stated grimly with a painful shadow in her eyes.

“Got it! Absolutely do not admit that we have even –!”

“Grant! I'm serious! If he asks you anything – no matter what it is – do not lie to him! More than anything, lying will get you killed!” Rachel cried out insistently.

It was taking everything Grant had in him not to freak out and lose it completely. He took several purposeful breaths, trying to control his panic. Finally, it was like the terror let go of him and he was able to function again.

“Okay,” he agreed with a nod. “ I promise that I will not lie to your dad about anything, no matter what he asks me.”

“Good,” Rachel stated in relief. “Now I think it's about time we went inside. I can tell by the fact that at least 10 people are staring at us through the windows that if we wait any longer, we'll be dragged inside soon anyway.”

Grant got out of the car and rushed around to the other side to open the door for Rachel, praying that he made a good first impression to those watching him. Rachel got out of the car and linked her arm through his, looking up at him with unmistakeable love in her eyes. She brushed a strand of hair out of his face, and then smiled at him like he was the only man in the world.

They walked towards the mansion, the front door opening before they were even close enough to reach out for the knob. A man dressed as a servant bowed at them slightly, then looked at them with an almost blank smile.

“Good to see you again, Miss Rachel. Welcome home!”

Rachel returned his smile and murmured a greeting, but then pulled Grant past him and into the main entryway.

“Rachel! Why didn't you tell me that you were bringing someone with you?!” A man demanded, appearing before them as if from thin air.

“Hi daddy, good to see you too. Why yes, I am doing well, so glad you asked! I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Grant. Grant, this is my father,” Rachel stated in a way that sounded like she was seriously pissed off but trying hard to be cheerful and polite.

Her father huffed, obviously displeased that she didn't answer his question. With an expression like he was tempted to roll his eyes and maybe even ground her, he turned his attention to Grant.

“So, Grant is it? How long have you known my daughter?”

“Six months sir,” Grant answered respectfully.

“And how long have you been living together?”

Grant wanted to dive behind the large plant off to the side and hide, but he forced himself to stand his ground. “Uh... almost six months... sir.”

Rachel's father twisted his mouth in disapproval, narrowing his eyes menacingly. “Hmm... I thought you were going to try and deny it, which would have been stupid since my spies told me the day you moved into her apartment.”

“Daddy!” Rachel shrieked. “Spies?! How dare you spy on me?!”

He harrumphed like he was thinking duh! “Of course I have people watching you! You know better than most people what can happen if I leave you unprotected!”

Rachel wanted to growl and insist that she could take care of herself – which was true, she had been raised by a mob family after all – but she really did know that an enemy could catch her unawares, and then her ability to defend herself would be worthless. She sighed in frustration and let the matter drop.

“Anyway, since you have passed a basic background check, and since you haven't had the audacity to lie to me, yet, Grant, welcome to my home. I trust that you will behave yourself while you are here,” the mob boss stated, gesturing to indicate the rest of his family standing behind him.

Grant felt like his life had been hanging by a thread there, but was now relatively safe. With a sigh of relief, he met each and every member of Rachel's large and boisterous family. Most of the people he met seemed to be hardened men who had the vague title of uncle or cousin. They all watched Grant as if sizing him up; like they were mentally planning out exactly how to make him disappear and never be found.

Rachel eventually led Grant over to a large buffet area, which held a fabulous spread that he couldn't believe. “I feel like we are in a five star restaurant!” He muttered to her under his breath.

“That's because it's catered from a five star restaurant,” Rachel whispered in return. They each filled a plate and then ignored the various groups of loudly bickering people as they made a bee line for the long dining table. Grant looked up and down it in awe, wondering how such a massive and long table got into the dining room in the first place.

Grant focused on eating his food, unconsciously moaning in appreciation. Each morsel was to die for! If he survived the day, he was going to thank every God he could think of for allowing him to eat such a fabulous meal. Rachel giggled at him, kissing him on the cheek.

When he was finally full, the rest of the family had quieted down quite a bit, and was now almost well behaved. As an only child, Grant was frankly baffled at the way everyone seemed to fight even as they laughed and joked and even plotted against other family members. In a way, it was almost like being in high school!

After Grant realized that he and Rachel had been staring at each other with a lovey dovey expression for at least five minutes, he cleared his throat and started fumbling through his pocket. He wasn't sure if he should ask for quiet, or if it was even possible for this group to be quiet, so he simply ignored everyone else and focused on her.

“Rachel... I love you so much; will you marry me?” Grant asked as he opened and held out a small box. Rachel gasped in surprise, grabbing the box to scrutinize the ring more closely. The rest of the family fell silent in shock.

“Oh wow! And here I was waiting to bring up the subject of marriage until I was sure that it wouldn't scare you away!” Rachel threw her arms around Grant, crying on his shoulder from sheer happiness. “Of course I'll marry you!” Their lips fused together in a kiss that made the whole world feel like it was spinning.

A couple of people – such as Rachel's mother and siblings – immediately offered their congratulations, but others grumbled darkly.

“But Rachel,” her father protested gently. He sounded truly concerned rather than angry. “You've only known him six months. How do you know that he's the one you want to marry?”

Rachel finally broke off her passionate kiss so that she could turn her attention to her father. “Daddy... My heart tells me that this is the only man I ever want to be with, so what does it matter that we haven't known each other very long?”

Her father sighed gravely, but then nodded in acceptance. “If that's how you feel...” He stood and beckoned to Grant. “Will you please join me for a private conversation?”

“Daddy...” Rachel growled softly.

“Don't worry, I only plan to talk to him. He'll be returned to you safe and sound,” her father assured her.

Swallowing his nervousness, Grant helped Rachel put the beautiful gold and ruby ring on the correct finger, and then kissed her on the cheek before standing and following her father out of the room. The moment they were alone – except for three men who made certain that Grant knew they were well armed – Grant forced a small smile to his lips as he waited for her father to speak.

“It seriously kills me that I am going to have to accept a pissant like you into my family!” He growled in frustration, running his hand through his hair as if he wanted to pull it out. “You didn't even have the respect to ask me for my permission first!”

One of the three armed men standing behind Grant snorted in disgust. “If he had we would have made sure that he was never seen or heard from again!”

For once, Grant was too curious to be afraid for his life. “Why? Are you so against Rachel getting married?”

“Bah! It's not that! I simply thought she would choose a man who could take care of her, not some shitty courier that barely makes enough to pay his rent!”

“Hey! I resent that! I make quite a bit of money! I could easily support a family, even buying a house!” Grant protested angrily.

“Puh! You think you can support my daughter?! The best house you could afford would be a pathetic little cookie cutter in a lower middle class neighborhood! My daughter deserves a man who can buy her a small mansion at the very least and give her everything her heart could possibly desire! You'll be lucky if you can afford to buy her a new car once every five or ten years!”

Grant sighed, realizing that arguing with Rachel's father would get him nowhere. “You're right. I won't be able to buy her a lot of expensive or fancy things, but that doesn't mean that I can't give her what her heart desires. Her dream is to live on a secluded piece of land where she can create art. She wants to open up her own shop where she can sell art supplies, her art, and even teach kids to be creative. She wants kids someday, and I can give her all of that.”

Her father stared at him with something akin to respect. He was surprised that Rachel wanted something so humble. She certainly didn't take after her mother!

“So you see, sir,” Grant continued. “I truly feel that Rachel and I will be happy together.”

“David,” her father stated abruptly. “You can call me David.”

“Yes sir. Uh... David...” Grant replied hesitantly.

“Despite what you might think,” David informed his son-in-law-to-be, “I only want my daughter to be happy. I hate that she seems to be happy with a nobody like you, but I can clearly see that she is. The way she looks at you just cannot be faked...” he sighed morosely. “So... Welcome to the family...”

“Thank you sir – David – I promise to do my best to always make Rachel happy.”

“You had better pray you keep that promise, because you won't like what'll happen if you don't!” David threatened subtly, and then thrust his chin towards the door. “Go on, go reassure my daughter that I haven't killed you after all.”

Grant nodded at him respectfully, and then left the room.

“It's not too late, Boss. We can still make him disappear!” His three top men reminded him.

“Yes, we could... but I don't want to be the one who breaks my daughter's heart. He is to be left alone; you got that!”

“Yes Boss,” they grumbled reluctantly.

*****

“You're going to love her!” Rachel squealed excitedly. “She's been my best friend since we were little kids, and there's no one I would rather have as my maid of honor. She's going to be so surprised when I tell her we're getting married!”

Grant smiled and cuddled his fiancée close. “I can't wait to meet your best friend. To be honest, I was beginning to think that you didn't have any friends!”

“Well... It's a little hard to meet and trust people knowing that almost anyone could be after me in order to hurt my family,” Rachel admitted.

“How did you know that I wasn't after you?” Grant wondered curiously.

“You're too clumsy to be a threat,” Rachel muttered quietly, wanting to answer him honestly, but also not wanting to hurt his feelings. She hoped he wouldn't actually hear her and then just let the subject drop. “Anyway! I have to tell you something important!”

Grant twisted his lips in a way that let her know that he was both amused and a little offended at her answer. He let her change the subject without a fight.

“Jessica is... Okay, you know how my family is pretty powerful in the organized crime world?”

“Yeah...” Grant replied hesitantly.

“Well, there's a hierarchy, you see? Kind of like the nobility over in England. My family is close to the top, but her family is the top!”

“Oh...” Grant murmured in understanding. Great! MORE mobsters!

“There's more...” Rachel added hesitantly. She looked at her fingers as she fiddled them around and around.

“What?” Grant asked curiously.

“She's...”

The door to their apartment burst open. “I'm here!” A young woman sang out. She set her bag down and then slammed the door shut. “Damn! I was hoping to barge in on you while you were getting your kinky freak on!”

Rachel laughed, and then rushed to hug her friend.

Grant was bone white and felt like fainting. “Tha -Tha -That's...”

Jessica giggled musically and struck a glamorous pose. “That's right! I'm the one and only, world famous, singing sensation!”

“Oh wow! I am such a big fan of yours!” Grant gushed, still not quite believing that he had pop star in his tiny little apartment.

“Of course you are!” Jessica stated with a smirk. “I'd be happy to sign something if you want.”

Grant damn near tripped over his feet as he rushed off to get her latest CD.

“Jessica...” Rachel growled, her eyes narrowed unhappily. “Stop it! That one's mine! In fact... we're getting married... I want you to be my maid of honor.”

“MARRIED?!?!” Jessica demanded incredulously. She gaped at Rachel in open mouth shock. Grant stopped short as he reentered the room and realized that something was wrong.

Jessica turned to look at Grant, looking him up and down for a moment before her expression changed to something that looked like cold calculation. “Married huh? To him?” She asked with a sneer of distaste. “I've found better guys passed out on the floor after one of my concerts!” She huffed snobbishly as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Well... If you insist on marrying such a loser, then I suppose I have no choice but to be your maid of honor and make sure that your wedding is perfect. Well, as much as it can be considering...”

“Huh?” Grant mumbled, scratching his head in confusion.

“Don't worry about her,” Rachel informed him, taking his face into her hands. She smiled at him adoringly. “That's just how she is. She's been a bitch since I first met her. It's how she shows her love.”

“But... on TV...” Grant protested.

“Of course I'm all sweet and innocent on TV, duh!” Jessica sneered at him. “You think my albums would sell nearly as well if my fans knew the truth!”

Rachel sighed and shook her head with a knowing smile. “Oh Jessica! When will you learn that you're not really like that! You literally do anything for your fans. You bend over backwards to make them happy. You've hand written replies to most of your fan mail. If you were just a greedy faker, you wouldn't do all that.”

Jessica couldn't decide how to respond to that, so she changed the subject. “So, when is this wedding of yours?” She asked as she automatically took the CD from Grant and signed it. She handed it back with her trademark smile before turning her attention back to Rachel. “Next year? Maybe the year after that? Long enough to change your mind?”

Rachel gave a short breathy laugh. “No! It's going to be next month.”

“SO SOON?!” Jessica blurted out in astonishment. “But! But! How can you plan anything worth attending in so short a time?!”

“We don't want a big wedding,” Rachel told her. “Just a little gathering of family and friends.”

Jessica grabbed Rachel by the shoulders and shook her. “Are you stupid?! Just getting your family there automatically means that you're going to have a good 500 people in attendance! If he invites anybody, then you're going to have a gala event on your hands that is going to need catering and, and... I can't even imagine what else!”

Rachel smiled and shrugged. “No, I mean that it's just going to be my mom and dad and siblings... and bodyguards. His mom and dad, and a couple of his friends. That's it.”

Jessica let her go abruptly and started rubbing her temples like she had a massive headache. “You really must be stupid,” she muttered. “If you don't invite the family – every single member of the family – you are going to find yourself a frickin' target for everyone who takes offense at being slighted. They will think that you insulted them on purpose!”

Rachel bit her lip and looked to the floor. “You might be right, but...”

“You have no choice!” Jessica insisted. “You have to push back the date by at least a month or two and then let your mom and me plan everything! Between the two of us, we should be able to plan an event that won't offend anyone.”

Rachel sighed. “Jessica... I know you mean well, but... I don't want to be part of the family anymore. I don't want them at my wedding, and I don't want anything big or expensive. I've set the date for next month, and that's that.”

“Oh my God, you're gonna get yourself killed!” Jessica muttered as she looked for a place to lay down and fan herself.

Grant looked back and forth between the two of them, a frown showing how concerned he was. “Maybe she's right...”

Rachel simply glared at him for having the audacity to agree with her best friend over her.

*****

“Are you sure?” The man asked in disbelief.

“Daddy, I have decided that this is what I want, and so this is what I'm going to get!” Jessica stated emphatically. She crossed her arms and stared him down until he agreed.

As an only child to a man that was considered the King of all organized crime, she had always gotten everything she ever wanted. Her father bought a big record label when she told him that she wanted to be a pop star, and then he had bought an advertising company to ensure that she was given the proper priority. If she said that she wanted him to buy her a slave so that she could beat him to death and dispose of his body in the backyard, he would do it for her.

Anything to get me out of his hair! She muttered in her head. Her whole life, he had been giving her things so that she would go away and leave him alone. Ever since her mother died, he just didn't have time for her. He didn't even seem to want her around. She suppressed a sigh of depression at that thought.

“Fine. If that's what you want,” he stated as if the matter was no more important than the weather. “I'll see to it right away.”

“Thank you daddy!” Jessica squealed happily and kissed him on the cheek.

*****

Grant paced his cell for the millionth time. He had been abducted three days ago and tossed in this dark cell, only being given food and water twice a day. He had no idea why he was here, and thanked his lucky stars that there was at least a toilet for him to use.

The absolute worst part of the whole situation was that he knew that Rachel had been abducted too, but he had no idea where she was, or if she was hurt. He wanted to shout until someone heard him and answered his questions, but he had already tried that and it hadn't worked. With a sigh, he flopped onto the hard cot provided.

Hours passed, and then he heard an ominous creak as a door opened somewhere. Sharp and rapid clicking told him that someone was coming his way. He sat up straight in eagerness, praying that they would finally let him go.

“I've come with a proposition.”

“Jessica???” Grant asked, rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

“Listen, you are not worth anything to anyone. You will never amount to anything in your whole life, but even so, Rachel loves you. You make her happy. That pisses me off! My whole life, I've never had that! Everyone loves Rachel! They fawn all over her and forget I even exist! She's been happy since the day she was born, and I've been miserable ever since my mom died when I was six! I can't stand it anymore!!!”

Jessica roared in outrage and paced outside the cell. “You are going to love me! You are going to marry me! You are going to make me happy because I will finally have beaten Rachel at something!”

“What???” Grant asked, shaking his head and cleaning out his ear. I couldn't have heard that right!

“It's all set,” Jessica stated. “The wedding will take place tonight, and everyone who should be at a family event has been invited. Even your parents have been brought here for our wedding.”

“Why would I marry you?!” Grant blurted out, truly baffled by her lack of logic.

Jessica smirked at him silently for several long seconds. “Because... you love Rachel. You see, I had her abducted too, and she's been in an even less pleasant cell with barely enough food and water to survive. I can do one of several things... I can simply leave her there until she rots. I can have her killed and disposed of. Or...”

Grant shuddered in horror at the thought of either option occurring.

“I can let her go,” Jessica stated. “Which I will do if you agree to marry me, but you have to be the one to tell her that you are choosing me over her!”

“Uh...” Grant didn't know how to respond. “That's not really a good incentive for me to want to marry you.”

Jessica frowned and stamped her foot angrily. “Maybe I didn't make myself clear! If you don't marry me, I'll have her killed, I'll have you killed, and go on living my life knowing that she will never be happier than me again. However, if you do marry me, she will go free and who knows, maybe she'll find someone else who can make her happy, but it won't be you and it won't be anytime soon.”

“You are insane!” Grant blurted out before he could think about the wisdom of his words.

Jessica shrugged. “Maybe. At least this way I will have finally beat her!”

Grant simply stared at her, his mouth gaping open ever so slightly. In his head, a war was raging over his limited choices. He really wanted to refuse her ludicrous offer, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that doing so would just be a win for her too.

“Well?” Jessica demanded impatiently.

“Fine... I'll do it,” Grant muttered.

“Great!” Jessica squealed happily. She opened the cell and flung herself into his arms so that she could kiss him to seal the deal. “Now don't get me wrong. In public, you will be treated like any other assistant. I may not ever let my fans know that I am married, but we will be legally and bindingly married. If you should ever try to leave me, or if you should ever try to file for a divorce, I'll send someone out to kill Rachel before you can even finish your sentence! When I get married, it's for life!”

Grant gave her a wry look, trying to push her away without upsetting her. Married for life? To someone she doesn't even love?

Jessica linked arms with him and tugged him after her. “In private, you had better be a loving and attentive husband! You have no idea how lucky you are! You get to marry me!”

Grant rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. He followed Jessica to a room where she had a handful of people waiting to dress him up in a posh suit. Once he was dressed, he stared at himself in the mirror in amazement! I don't recall ever looking this handsome before! I guess a good suit really does make a difference...

“I have to get dressed now,” Jessica informed him. “But before I do, I'll bring you to Rachel so that you can tell her that you'd rather marry me. I'll even be generous and give you time to say goodbye.”

She escorted him to a dank and moldy dungeon-like area. Grant noticed that they passed a couple of guards as they entered the dungeon, but there wasn't anyone in it to actually keep an eye on the prisoner. She could have killed herself and they wouldn't have noticed until they deigned to feed her.

Jessica stopped just inside the dungeon and whispered into Grant's ear. “Here's the key. You have as long as you need to say goodbye, but don't try to set her free. The guards will just have to hurt her, and besides... She'll go free as soon as we are married!” Jessica smirked and then kissed him on the cheek. She left him alone, rushing away to get dressed.

“Hello? Is someone there?” Rachel called out from inside her cell.

“Rachel!” Grant cried out. “I was so worried about you!”

“Grant!” Rachel exclaimed in relief. “I thought for sure that they had killed you!”

Grant wasted no time in unlocking the cell and joining her inside. He hugged her tightly. “I missed you so much!”

“What's going on?” Rachel wondered, still holding him to her as close as she possibly could.

Grant took a deep breath. “I've been given an ultimatum: marry Jessica or we both die. I wanted to refuse, more than happy to be like Romeo and Juliet, but then I realized something important... I love you too much to just let you die for something so stupid!”

“Marry Jessica!” Rachel gasped in astonishment. “Why would she want to marry you?”

Grant shrugged helplessly. “I can't really explain it, but apparently she wants to win against you for once.”

“Oh Jessica...” Rachel murmured sadly.

“So...” Grant took a deep breath and prepared to break both their hearts. “I agreed. I decided that this way, you get to go free and live. More than anything, I want you to be happy, so you have to promise me that you will try to forget about me and... and maybe find someone new who can love you and...” His voice broke, unable to say any more.

“Oh Grant!” Rachel sobbed on his shirt. “I love you too much to let you do this! If you marry her, you'll be stuck in a marriage that makes you miserable! You can't agree to this!”

“The alternative is death, Rachel! Not just yours but mine. How does that help anyone but her? Now listen, I figure that it'll happen like this. You'll find someone else in time and maybe even get married. She won't be able to pull a stunt like this again, and so you'll be able to have those kids you want and a decently happy life. Once that happens, Jessica will grow bored with me. She'll realize that I don't make her happy, that we don't love each other, and that she deserves better. She may even fall in love with someone! When she realizes that she can't stop you from being happy, she'll divorce me, and then I'll be free to find my own happiness,” Grant explained.

“But we won't be together!” Rachel wailed miserably.

“No... but who knows? Maybe when we are old and gray, we'll find that we are both free again and can be together. It's a chance at least; one I'm willing to bet on. I'm not allowed to leave or divorce her, but I can almost guarantee that she'll want to divorce me sooner or later.”

Rachel took a deep breath and then exhaled a long sigh. “Fine... If we have to endure forced separation and wait until we are old before we can have our happily ever after, then... Then I guess it'll be worth the wait. As much as I want to recklessly vow to die rather than let you go, I have too much to live for, especially now...”

Grant tilted his head curiously. “Now?”

“Nevermind that. Just... just make love to me one last time.”

Grant nodded, brushing the hair out of her face so that he could kiss her. They were afraid that someone would interrupt them – especially considering that Jessica said that the wedding was tonight, and neither of them knew what time it was. So, they wasted no time joining their bodies. Grant barely pushing his pants down past his hips.

They were frantic and needy, but still wanted to take some time to show just how much they loved each other. Had the circumstances been different, both would have probably considered this the hottest place they had ever had sex! When he was done, Grant gave her a tender kiss and pulled his pants back up.

“I should probably get going before she comes to see what is taking me so long,” he murmured sadly.

“Yes... Go before I start to cry again,” Rachel agreed.

“I love you!” Grant stated firmly. “Just remember that. She may have won this twisted competition, but she doesn't have my heart.”

“I'll always love you too,” Rachel told him honestly, one hand over her heart. “I just wish that I could have her assassinated for this!” She sighed morosely. “But that would only start a long and bloody war, and she knows it. I can't put my entire family at risk like that...”

Knowing that he would only linger here forever if he didn't leave now, Grant nodded at her in understanding, and then left her cell. He carefully locked the door so that the guards wouldn't think there was any reason to hurt her. Not to mention, leaving it open might be construed as an attempt to help her escape, which would give Jessica a reason to let Rachel rot for a few more days.

She would too...

One of the guards checked on Rachel, proving Grant right, and then – once sure that everything was the way it should be – offered to escort Grant back to Jessica so that he didn't get lost. Grant agreed, knowing that he was really being guarded so that he couldn't escape. His heart sank as he realized once again that there was no way out of this marriage.

He was shown to a room where he waited alone – except for a couple of armed guards – until music started to play and a gesture from the guards told him that he was supposed to go through the door they opened. He strode through the door as confidently as he could, only to discover that he was literally in front of a crowd. Trying not to faint, he went to the place the priest indicated that he should stand.

A nervous glance around showed him that his parents were really here. They sat in the front row next to a huge and menacing man that glared at him murderously. The rest of the crowd was dressed up. Not dressed up as in they were wearing something that looked nice like normal people wore to normal weddings, but dressed up like they were movie stars attending a premier.

The whole place was decorated in a way that must have cost a fabulous amount of money; flowers and ribbons and what looked like jewels everywhere. Grant was secretly impressed that such a lavish event was partly because of him. He wasn't kidding when he said that he wanted a small wedding, but anybody would be thrilled to see such wealth at their wedding! Especially if they didn't have to pay for it.

The music changed abruptly and the doors at the back of the room opened. Jessica floated into the room wearing a dress so beautiful that it took Grant's breath away. He may not be marrying her willingly, but he had been a huge fan of hers for years. To see her looking so gorgeous as she walked towards him was like a strange and twisted fantasy come true.

Jessica cast smiles at people in the audience, radiating joy like a small sun. If Grant didn't know what she was really like, he'd almost be fooled into thinking that she was happy to be marrying him. Instead, she was simply playing it up for her adoring fans – even the mob loved her music!

All too soon, the priest was giving them permission to seal their union with a kiss. Jessica stared at Grant adoringly, muttering just loudly enough for him to hear her.

“Remember, you had better make this look good!”

Grant nodded almost imperceptibly, and then placed his hands on her face so that he could give her a decent kiss – or at least look like he was. Once again, Jessica threw her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss that should have left him weak in the knees if he cared for her at all. Part of him was a tiny bit sad that he felt so cold and numb on his wedding day. He had always thought that it would be the happiest day of his life, but it wasn't.

*****

“It's required, so I am only going to do this once, you got that!” Jessica stated with a growl.

“Do what?” Grant wondered, not having a clue what she was talking about.

“Consummation, of course!” Jessica replied with a tone that implied he was stupid for not knowing what she was talking about.

Grant paled, honestly not thinking that she would take things this far. “Why? We're married like you wanted, so why does it matter if we have sex?”

“Because it's required!” Jessica growled impatiently.

“No it's not,” Grant protested.

“You are only saying that because you have hope that this can be annulled, aren't you?” Jessica demanded angrily.

“No! I just don't see why you want to do it! No one is going to know either way, so let's not and just say we did,” Grant suggested.

Jessica pushed him onto her large bed. “I told you, it's required to make the marriage fully binding, therefore we are going to do it!”

Grant sighed in defeat, realizing that if he refused, she'd probably just threaten Rachel's life again. “Well, if you want to have sex with me, then you are going to have to do it yourself.”

Jessica huffed in protest but then squared her shoulders in determination. “Fine, if you want to be like that, then be like that; see if I care!” She stripped out of her wedding gown, taking care not to ruin it. “It's only my first time after all,” she muttered to herself. “It's not like I expected it to be magical and wonderful and –” She huffed again, throwing her shoe at him. “I saved myself for my husband damnit! The least you can do is be grateful that I am giving this gift to you!”

Grant sighed, feeling like an asshole even though he wasn't at fault here. “Look, if someone had told me a year ago that I would be married to my favorite singer and that she still had her virginity, I would have been the happiest man on Earth, but I fell in love. You can't just expect me to want you after everything you've done to me!”

Naked now, Jessica crawled into bed and started undressing him. “Yeah I get it, I do. I am the bad bitch that tore you from your true love, but I'm not kidding. We have to have sex to make this marriage binding, and so all I am asking for is sex. Just frickin' close your eyes and imagine that you are with her!”

Grant sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to picture Rachel at a time like this, so he just let his mind wander. Meanwhile, Jessica exposed his penis so that she could suck on it and work him up.

“Remember, I've never done this before, so you have to tell me if I am doing it right,” she told him. “Hmm... this tastes pretty good. I didn't expect that...”

Grant blushed as he realized that what she was tasting was Rachel. He cleared his throat, tempted to tell her that. Instead, images of Jessica licking Rachel filled his mind and he was surprised to feel himself getting hard.

“That's good,” he murmured. “You're doing just fine.”

“Hmm,” Jessica hummed in thought. “Well it does seem to be working.”

Grant let his imagination run wild with all the possible combinations. He purposely pushed her true nature out of his mind, and then fantasized about her having sex – not only with Rachel – but also with other celebrities that he had crushes on. When she got fed up with orally pleasing him, Jessica sat back on her heels.

“Now what?” She asked. “I've watched porn, but I don't know what you want. Should I get on top and ride you? Should I –”

“If this is really your first time, then you deserve to do it however you want,” Grant informed her, not quite believing that she was a 20 year old pop star virgin. She was a sex symbol after all, who had dated a lot of men over the years.

“Then can I...” She hesitated.

“What?” Grant asked curiously.

“Can I be on bottom? You know, like a virginal bride is supposed to be...”

Grant shrugged. He briefly thought that he should be brutally violent with her to pay her back for forcing him into this situation, but he just couldn't do something like that to anyone. Once she was on her back, he watched her stare at him in fear for a moment before she took a deep breath and opened her legs so that he could get between them.

“If you hurt me, I'll kill you!” She exclaimed threateningly.

“I understand,” Grant murmured, astonished to realize that she actually must be a virgin! He pushed into her gently until he was all the way inside her. She gasped in relief and used her arms to hold him tight.

Getting lost in his fantasies once more, Grant was able to have some pretty good sex. Having just done so earlier, he had more stamina that he would have otherwise. His fantasies got pretty hardcore, and soon, he was pounding into her like she was a well paid porn star.

Jessica started out gasping and panting like she was enjoying what was happening, but eventually, she grew bored. “Jeez! Are you ever going to cum?!”

“If you want me to,” Grant promised breathily, honestly close now anyway. He sped up, grinding into her as much as possible. He grunted in satisfaction as he pumped her full. The moment he was done, he rolled over onto his back.

“There, it's binding now,” he stated before turning away and going to sleep.

Jessica sighed, watching him breathe. “Is this what happiness is?” She wondered softly before snorting derisively. “Of course it is! I finally beat Rachel!” With a grin of triumph, she got comfortable and went to sleep.

In the morning, she woke up to find that they had curled up to each other while sleeping. Grant now held her like she was precious to him, which made Jessica feel something warm and unfamiliar. With a smile, she grabbed her cellphone from under her pillow and pushed a speed dial number.

“It's me,” she muttered into the phone. “You can let her go now. Hell, I'm in a good mood, so you may as well drive her home and even buy her breakfast if she wants.”

She was assured that it would be done, which made her purr as she hung up the phone. I have everything I've ever wanted now!

*****

Grant felt like a chicken with it's head cut off! True to her word, Jessica had made him one of her assistants. She was a bitch to all of them, often talking to him like he was scum and not worth her time. He had gotten very good at biting his tongue and just doing what he was told.

At the same time as he was running errands and assisting her, he was also being taken aside from time to time by her father. At first, the huge and imposing man simply stared at him, not saying a word. Then Grant finally sighed impatiently.

“Look, sir, I'm not afraid of you. The only thing you can do is kill me, and that doesn't sound like such a bad thing anymore,” Grant stated grimly.

He harrumphed a couple of times, which Grant was astonished to realize was a form of laughter. “I like that attitude! Unfortunately, as much as I would like to kill you, I can't.”

Grant raised an eyebrow, intrigued by this information. The King of the Mob can't kill me?

“You'll understand when you are a father,” he informed Grant with a shrug. “I love my little girl so much that I would do anything for her! If she wanted to go to the moon, I would make sure she had a state of the art spaceship to bring her there and a terraformed mansion waiting for her on her arrival. You simply can't imagine how much it hurt me when she told me that she wanted to marry a worthless nobody like you!”

Grant simply shrugged, having long since come to accept that to men like this, he just wasn't good enough.

“But she told me that it would make her happy, and so I arranged for her to have the best wedding she possibly could,” he sighed deeply. “And for that very reason, I can't kill you no matter how much I want to. So, I am faced with a dilemma... Just what exactly am I supposed to do with you???”

“Sir?” Grant asked, not sure why this was such a dilemma.

“By rights, Jessica is my only heir. She's supposed to take over after I'm gone, but she's a bit too public for that... So, I figured that I would simply train whoever she married as my successor, but then she married you...”

“Oh...” Grant murmured, suddenly realizing all over again that he had married into a mob family. Not just any mob family, but the mob family.

With a sigh, Jessica's father gestured to a couple of his men. “I guess I have no choice. Bring him along with you and explain things to him!”

A year went by with Grant feeling like he was caught in a tug of war between his wife and her father. He was treated fairly badly by Jessica when others were around, but then she was surprisingly lovey dovey to him when they were alone. All the while, her father had his men bring Grant with them as they did those mob things that he really didn't want to think about!

The only good thing was that Grant was finally learning some of the fighting skills he had always wanted to since he was a little boy. His parents couldn't afford to put him in karate or anything like that, so he had grown up learning how to fight by watching videos such as anything by Jackie Chan. Then one day, he realized that he had grown up and no longer had time for such childishness. Besides, his job as a courier had him working so many hours that he barely had time to spend with Rachel when he got home!

All that was different now...

*****

“Are you okay?” Jessica asked in concern the moment they were alone in their room that night.

“Your dad made me kill someone today,” Grant informed her darkly. “So no, I'm not okay!”

Jessica perked up with interest. “Really? Who?”

Grant roared in frustration as he threw something across the room. “How should I know?! All he told me that it was an underling who had betrayed the family!”

Jessica laughed. “Well then, you killed a mobster. That's one less to darken the world.”

“How can you be so...” Grant couldn't even think of a word to describe her!

“Heartless?” Jessica asked, and then shrugged. “You would be too if you had grown up having your heart ripped from you every time you thought you might be happy for half a second.”

“Whatever...” Grant muttered, not believing her in the slightest.

“Anyway, I'm in the mood, so get ready to fuck like bunnies! I even bought new lingerie...” Jessica announced, pulling her robe off to reveal the sexy outfit.

Grant growled in frustration. Here he had opened up to her, hoping for something resembling a normal married couple that supported each other, but all she was interested in was what she wanted. Like usual!

Grant was so angry at her that he didn't realize at first that her outfit really had inflamed his lust. It was one of his coping techniques. So long as she insisted that they have regular sex, he had had to replace his tender emotions with the baser ones of lust and selfishness. This time, he felt an urge to kill her!

Grabbing her, he tossed her on their bed. “All you ever think about is yourself! All you ever want me to think about is you! Well I've had enough! How about what I want for once?!”

He grabbed the rope that she had in a drawer full of toys, and then used it to tie her up. He was honestly surprised that she let him, not struggling or protesting in the slightest! He stared at her in suspicion.

“HA! I knew you didn't have it in you! What did you plan to do? Spank me? HA!” Jessica taunted with a smug sneer. Grant responded by grabbing a gag and shoving it in her mouth.

“There! Now you have no choice but to shut up!” He harrumphed in something akin to triumph. “And spanking you isn't a bad idea!”

Arranging her so that her plump and lovely rear was in the air, Grant cupped his hand so that he could whack her. Jessica gasped through her gag. “I bet no one has ever dared to spank you in you whole life, no matter how much you deserved it!”

He spanked her over and over until his anger deflated and his hand throbbed. She had been squirming in an attempt to get free, but now held still, wondering if he was done. He told himself that he was... Then he thought about everything she had done to him and his anger burned hotter than ever. “You know what I think? I think that deep down, you know you are a bad person who needs to be punished!”

Grant opened his pants just enough to expose his hard and ready shaft. He got into position behind her, and then shoved himself inside her without any warning. “Wow... you're wetter than I can remember you ever being before,” he remarked.

Jessica whimpered, squirming to try and get free of her bondage once more.

“You dirty little bitch! You actually like this, don't you?!” Grant asked incredulously, pounding into her as hard as he could. “I bet you secretly wanted someone to come along and put you in your place, didn't you?”

Jessica growled, turning her head to glare at him the best she could since he was behind her and she was tied up face down on the bed. Her expression promised to murder him the moment he let her go! Grant ignored her, continuing to do anything and everything to her that he could think of.

Just before he pumped her full, he wondered if he had gone too far. Her whole body was convulsing in a way that made him wonder if she was in shock, literal clinical shock. The moment he filled her up, he felt bad and untied her, gently pulling the gag from her mouth.

“Oh. My. God!” She stated in a way that made him wonder if she was pissed or impressed. “That was incredible! I had no idea that I could feel like that!!!”

She pulled him close and rained little kisses all over his face. Grant's brows drew together in confusion and surprise. He felt mildly numb, too many things had happened to him today to fully process.

“Wait... You mean you liked that?” He asked.

“Liked it?! That was incredible! I think I actually had an orgasm!” Jessica gushed, still kissing him.

Considering that Grant had never once cared enough to see to her pleasure, it wasn't surprising that she hadn't had one before. He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, feeling like a bastard for, well... Being a bastard to her...

“At first, I thought it sucked and that I was going to have to kill you, but then...” Jessica sighed blissfully. “I felt like the entire earth moved!”

Grant sighed and promised himself that he would try to give her a normal orgasm at least once. Considering that she could have easily taken a lover to treat her with something other than tolerance, but she didn't, he felt he owed it to her to be a little more attentive in bed. With a sigh of guilt, he kissed her in return.

“I'm sorry that I haven't been very nice to you,” he murmured in her ear.

“Nice?! Ha, I'm surprised that you haven't murdered me in my sleep!” Jessica laughed. “But – as I've just discovered – perhaps nice isn't what I really want from you!”

“Hmm...” Grant hummed speculatively. He pulled her with him as he lay down. It was a thought for another time, for now, all he wanted was the oblivion of sleep.

*****

“Hey babe?” Grant called out as he entered the bedroom he shared with Jessica. She watched him in the mirror as she brushed her hair, smiling but not saying anything. “Tonight is the last game of the season; I thought it would be nice if you went with me, for once.”

He was referring to the VIP box he and his father-in-law used at the basketball game. It was every bit as ritzy as everything they went to, and was almost worth being married to Jessica for. Not to mention, he had bonded over basketball with Jessica's dad, and now they got along pretty well. It helped that Grant was steadily becoming everything a mob boss – to be – should be.

Jessica smiled at him almost adoringly. “You know, that might not be such a bad idea. I know that my assistants have long figured out that we are married, but maybe it's time to let my fans wonder what's going on between us.”

“Don't they already wonder? After all, you did take me with you to the music awards,” Grant reminded her.

“Bah!” Jessica exclaimed with a shrug. “I take a lot of guys to a lot of events and it means nothing. Never once have I been seen in public with the same guy twice before, so this really will set the world ablaze with speculation.”

She put her brush down and turned to face him. “And then tomorrow night, we'll go to a famous restaurant and let the paparazzi “catch” us. If that doesn't inflame rumors that you are at least my boyfriend, then I don't know what will!” She stated with a laugh.

“We've been married nearly two years now...” Grant murmured. “I still can believe that no one has found out!”

“That's the power of the mob,” Jessica giggled as she stood up and then put her arms around him. “If we don't want something leaked to the press, it doesn't get leaked!”

Realizing that she was in the mood to dance to the music in her head, Grant put his arms around her waist and led her through a slow dance. One great thing about being married to her was that she insisted that they dance together a lot, and to his surprise, he really liked dancing.

“Oh, I noticed that your car got dented today,” Jessica informed him.

“Yep, just a minor fender-bender,” Grant assured her. “It's nothing! A shop can have it buffed out in no time.”

“Nonsense! It's about time that you got a new car anyway!” Jessica exclaimed.

Grant laughed. “A new car?! I've only had this one a couple of months!”

“Yeah, but now they're coming out with new models and you should really be driving the best,” Jessica told him with a pout.

He sighed and shook his head in amusement. “Fine, if you insist... We can go car shopping tomorrow before our dinner date.”

Jessica squealed happily. “We can get matching cars in his and hers colors!”

“We'll see...” Grant murmured, a wry smile betraying the fact that he was amused by how happy the prospect made her.

“Just don't forget, we absolutely positively have to go to that family event this weekend,” Jessica reminded him.

“I never knew there were so many get-togethers in the mob,” Grant stated, finding it ironic that a bunch of law breakers seemed to have a better sense of family duty and togetherness than most regular people he met.

“It's a control thing,” Jessica shrugged.

*****

Grant helped Jessica out of their brand new and insanely expensive car, and then tucked her hand into the crook of his arm like some old-fashioned gentleman. She looked to-die-for in a shimmering, one of a kind, tailor-made for her dress, and he looked fairly handsome in a subtly matching suit. Grant still couldn't get over how different expensive clothing made him look; he could almost pass for a movie star!

This party looked a lot like it was being held by a bunch of snooty rich people. Grant had thought – when he first started attending these parties – that a bunch of mobsters getting together would be a rowdy and somewhat crude event, but instead, they always rented out a high-priced country club and had something fairly close to a ball. It made no sense to Grant!

But he had to admit that it was kind of fun to go to a party where he got to eat rich food and dance with expensively dressed women who smelled fantastic. Even if something should happen – such as two lesser families suddenly breaking out into a brawl – the whole thing was broken up and everyone simply continued partying like nothing had happened. It was so weird to him!

Jessica smiled and chatted with people graciously, acting like a lady that Grant knew she wasn't. She acted much like a pop star giving an interview on TV; never letting any one see the real her. She had everyone convinced that she was some paragon of virtue, much like the Princess Diana had been.

Suddenly, Jessica growled. “There's Rachel...”

Grant felt his heart skip a beat. “Where?!”

Jessica hit him on the arm. “Behave you!” She studied Rachel with an expression of distaste, and then suddenly smirked.

“She's here with a man!” Jessica announced as if Grant had somehow missed this fact. “I simply must go introduce myself to him!”

“Jessica...” Grant growled darkly.

“Shut up and come on,” she snapped out the order impatiently.

All too soon, they were standing in front of the woman Grant really wanted to be married to. Rachel looked surprised that Jessica wanted to talk to her, but narrowed her eyes suspiciously. It would totally be in character for Jessica to try to steal her new man too!

“Rachel, darling! How I've missed you!” Jessica greeted her with a purr, taking Rachel's hands into hers and kissing her on the cheek.

“Jessica,” Rachel murmured the greeting as pleasantly as she could.

“How have you been?” Jessica asked, smiling as if she actually cared.

“Busy,” Rachel stated flatly, but then her expression changed. “I've been blessed with a baby boy, so I feel like I am constantly chasing after him, keeping him out of trouble and playing with him.”

The happiness she felt at having a child was evident on her face. She literally glowed. She cast Jessica a smug look. “And my boyfriend and I just found out that we are going to have another baby in about 7 months! I'm just so happy that I could cry!”

Jessica twisted her lips into a sour expression. “Wonderful...”

“Jordan,” Rachel addressed her boyfriend with a smile. “Why don't you invite Jessica to dance with you?”

“Sure thing,” he replied with a shrug and then held his hand out in invitation.

Jessica harrumphed, flipping her hair over her shoulder as if she were too good to dance with someone like him, but then she placed her hand in his and let him lead her onto the dance floor.

“So...” Rachel began nervously. “How are you?”

Grant shrugged. “Good, I guess. I'm glad to see that you were able to move on and find someone new.”

“Nah! I hired him just to drive Jessica crazy!” Rachel confessed with a laugh. “I mean yes, I do have a new boyfriend, but he is literally brand new. I just met him a couple of days ago... and I want to get to know him better before I drag him into all of this.”

“Understandable,” Grant murmured with a nod.

Rachel smiled at him. “I'm glad to see that you're not miserable. In fact, either you've gotten very good at acting, or you're actually happy with her.”

“What?!” Grant asked, baffled by this concept.

Rachel playfully pushed him with her arm. “Oh come on, I saw the way you were looking at her! She's interesting to you; I bet she keeps you on your toes!”

Grant bit his lip and frowned in thought. “Well... yeah... I guess so.”

“Plus, you look like you belong here,” Rachel added with a smile.

Grant shrugged. “I learned to play the game from the “King” himself, so...”

“This life actually seems to suit you,” Rachel informed him, which made Grant really think. His head was soon spinning, but he realized something very important.

“Yeah...” he whispered incredulously. “It does. I kind of like being able to buy a brand new car just because my “old” one got dented. I like having a top box at the basketball games and eating all this fabulously expensive food... I didn't think I was this shallow, but I guess I am...”

“I don't think you're shallow. I think you're simply happier than you care to admit.” Rachel kissed him on the cheek. “I'm glad. It was killing me thinking that you were suffering at her hands, but now I can truly move on.”

They both saw Jessica returning with Rachel's hired boyfriend. Rachel ran to them and threw her arms around him. “I missed you!” The two of them wandered off to find something to drink, Rachel waving to them as she left.

Jessica grabbed Grant's arm and forced him to look at her. “You better not have dared to plot anything with her!”

Grant shook his head. “No. We only talked about how my life has been, and she pointed out that I look pretty happy.”

“Of course!” Jessica huffed. “You're married to me!” Then she stamped her foot impatiently and crossed her arms. “But she's happy because she's a mom, and that's something I don't have!”

Grant shrugged. “So get off the pill or whatever you're on.”

“I'm not on anything!” Jessica screeched softly, not wanting to attract attention to her behavior.

“You're not? But I thought...” Grant frowned, puzzled.

“Why would I be on birth control?” Jessica asked with a sneer. “I'm married and it's all the rage for celebrities to have babies.”

“Hmm...” Grant thought this over, biting his lip. His eyes glanced towards Rachel for just a moment before falling to the ground. If it's true that she's a mom now, then I guess she's won after all!

The thought made Grant grin. He tucked Jessica's hand in the crook of his arm and kissed her on the cheek. “Maybe you're just not meant to be a mom, and if it's something you really want, we can always adopt.”

Jessica crinkled her nose in distaste – at both options. “No... If Rachel had a baby, then I'm going to have one too!”

Grant laughed. “Okay, if you say so!” He pulled her onto the dance floor, snuggling with her as they swayed back and forth.

“I will not lose to her!” Jessica insisted.

Grant smiled but kept his mouth shut. I think you already have...