Jocelyn's Decision - The Conclusion

For my 18^th birthday, my dad took me out to a spendy restaurant for dinner. We talked about my plans for the future, which was a bit frustrating because I don’t really know what I want to do. As a gift, he gave me a mother and child pendant with both Dantaelian and my birthstones in it. It was beautiful, and I almost cried from happiness!

The next morning, I buckled my daughter into my car. It was a junker that my dad had bought me last year for my birthday. Larry had fixed it up for me, and kept it well maintained so that I didn’t have to worry about it breaking down.

“Are we going to Daddy’s?” Dantaelian asked.

“Yep,” I confirmed.

“Yea!” She cheered happily. “Mama… Why don’t we live with daddy all the time like other kids live with their daddies?”

I took a deep breath. Oh boy! What to say? “Ummm… Mama is not – Mama wasn’t old enough to live with your daddy without permission from grandpa. Now… Well, you should ask your daddy why.”

“Okay,” she accepted my explanation without question. In relief, I turned on her favorite kids’ radio station, and we sang as loudly as we could all the way to Scott’s. The nice thing about going to Scott’s house regularly is that we both had clothes and other things here, and didn’t need to bring anything with us – except for Dantaelian’s favorite blankey.

It didn’t look like anyone was home at the moment, so I decided to jog around the back yard for a while. Dantaelian followed me, and I slowed my pace just a bit so she could keep up. I loved that she liked to do sporty things with me. It gave me hope that she wasn’t such a girly girl after all.

Despite my wishes, she loved pink and light purple. She wore dresses as often as possible, played with dolls and tea sets, and insisted on taking ballet. At first, I felt almost betrayed by her girliness, but now I accepted her without a second thought. I even took ballet lessons with her, and I must admit that they could be fun.

She eventually grew bored with running, and went to play on her playground. I felt itchy, and went to take a bath. I turned the water on, and the growled. Oh yeah… I’d forgotten to tell Scott that I have a clog in my pipes somewhere. As a result, only the smallest dribble of water spattered from the faucet.

Sigh! … I guess I’m just going to have to use a different bathroom. I wrapped a towel around my naked body, and opened the door to my room. Scott’s shower was literally the closest, and he wasn’t home anyway, so I entered his room, and secluded myself in his bathroom.

After I felt clean, I danced to the music in my head as I toweled my hair dry. My hair was fairly long now, and I loved how it looked after I toweled it vigorously for a few minutes.

“What are you doing in here?” Scott demanded.

“It’s not what you think,” I informed him with a smile, deciding to just wrap my hair up so that I could grab a different towel to dry the rest of my body. Scott watched me sternly, his arms crossed in front of his chest as if telling me that whatever I was planning, it wasn’t going to work.

Now covered, I grabbed his hand, and dragged him after me. “I didn’t come to lurk in your room like I’m sure you’re thinking. Come on, I’ll show you.” A minute later, I was demonstrating how little water pressure I had.

“Okay,” he murmured after promising to have it fixed. “So why use my shower?”

I shrugged. “You weren’t home, and it was the closest.”

He nodded his head side to side as if conceding that I had a point. I tossed both towels into the dirty laundry hamper, and walked to my dresser to rummage through my panty drawer. Scott sighed, and left the room. I rolled my eyes. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me naked before.

That night at dinner, Dantaelian begged Hayley to let her have a sleepover, and Hayley squealed happily. “Of course we can have a sleepover!” Hayley just loved to do all the girly things with Dantaelian that I still found hard to stomach.

I waved permission with an air of “good riddance!” I knew that it was well past time for Dantaelian to have her own bedroom, but we still had to share a bed at dad’s house, so what was the point of giving her her own room here? It’s not like I had anyone else volunteering to occupy my bed.

I eyed Scott grumpily for a minute. Ever since our last encounter, I had maintained a distance from him. I promised Hayley that I wouldn’t make him cry, and as far as I knew, I had kept that promise.

Later that night, I lounged in bed, and chatted with Mark on the phone. “I still can’t believe that you’re in college! I mean I can believe you’re smart enough to be in college, but why did you have to move to the other side of the country?”

“Jocelyn, I got into the college of my choice. Of course I moved across country to attend it. More importantly, when are you going to get serious and apply for college?” Mark wondered.

“I’m technically still in my senior year,” I protested.

“Maybe, but I know – because I helped you study – that you could get into practically any college you wanted to. Colleges like homeschooled kids, and you could even take classes online,” Mark pointed out.

I scoffed. “And what do I do with Dantaelian? Bring her to class with me?”

“No, but I’m sure Mr. McDerry will pay for a nanny,” Mark reasoned.

“I’m not going to ask Scott to hire a nanny so that I can go to college!” I protested loudly.

“That’s an excellent idea!” Scott slurred, startling me. “I’ll even pay for your college.”

“Um … Mark? I’m going to have to call you back later. I think Scott’s drunk.”

“That’s ok, I’ve got homework to do,” Mark assured me. “Talk to you later.”

I hung up, set my cell phone on my side table, and then watched Scott stumble to his way over to my bed. I frowned, noticing that he had shut my door. Not only did he never come into my room, but on the rare occasion that he did need to come talk to me, he never shut the door.

“What brings you here?” I wondered.

He held up a wine bottle, sitting on the edge of my bed just beyond my crossed legs. “It’s your 18^th birthday! I thought we should shellabrate.”

Considering how much he was slurring, I’m positive that the nearly full bottle of wine wasn’t what had gotten him drunk.

“Um… ok,” I agreed hesitantly, taking the open bottle from him, and drinking a sip. Then I set it on the side table.

He pulled me close abruptly, and seized my lips in a demanding kiss. I melted, more than willing to let him do whatever he wanted to me.

“How dare you wag your naked little body in front of me?” He asked, and I assumed that he must be referring to earlier since I was currently wearing a pair of panties and a tank top. “Don’t you know how much that affects me?”

I grinned; I guess I know now!

“It’s maddening!” He whispered in my ear, and then sucked on my neck. Note to self, manage to get naked for Scott more often!

He trailed kisses from my neck to my breasts, and then sucked on each, pulling my shirt down to allow him access. My tank top was worn and a bit tattered, which made it easy for him to tear it off me a moment later. Have I just died and gone to heaven?

He eventually abandoned my breasts so he could kiss his way down my stomach. If I had even the slightest hesitation, it completely vanished the moment his tongue licked my panties. I shifted my hips so that he could slide them off me, and then rested my legs on his shoulders.

I’ve wondered for a very long time what this felt like. Before I ever had sex, I had seen plenty of pornos show a man eat a woman out, and so I thought it was something that happened every time. To my disappointment, Scott had never once seemed inclined to try it on me.

I gasped and sighed in pleasure, loving every moment of this lavish attention. He impishly continued to lick me even after I cried and thrashed about from an orgasm. I tried to let him do what he wanted, but I was so sensitive now that the pleasure was too intense!

“Please stop!” I begged.

“Why should I?” He asked. “You never listen to me.”

I gaped at him a moment. Damnit! He’s right!

He quickly stripped out of his robe and boxers, and then settled himself between my legs. I tilted my head to the side to let him nibble on my neck again while he located my opening and stuffed himself inside me.

“Oh!” I gasped, ready to orgasm again just from the thought of him willingly entering me. I could not believe how much better this felt!

I expected him to finish fairly quickly, but after a good half an hour of him thrusting into me, he pulled out, and ordered me to get on my hands and knees. I happily complied, grunting as he reentered me from behind.

“Yes!” I chanted, instinctively rubbing myself until I shuddered, screaming into my pillow. He held still, but I could tell that he wasn’t filling me up.

“Not so fast,” he murmured, still slurring slightly. “I don’t want to finish so soon.”

Soon he says! He withdrew unexpectedly, and rolled onto his back. Then he grabbed me, and encouraged me to straddle him so that he could impale me on his shaft once more. This one night may well make up for my many years of waiting for him!

I was able to play with myself as I bounced up and down his shaft. Oh! This is so much better than playing with my toy! Just as I was getting close to climaxing once more, he chuckled.

“Hey now, I told you that I didn’t want to finish so soon, and if you keep squeezing me like that, I’m not going to be able to hold back any longer,” he informed me.

I whimpered. I was so close! It almost hurt to stop, but I complied. My breaths escaped me in near sobs.

He chuckled again, and pulled me close so that he could roll over. Now he was on top of me again, and I sighed happily.

“Oh God!” I gasped, chanting this over and over for several minutes until my breath caught in my throat. My body got so very tight. It felt like the whole world started shaking, and I clutched Scott to me for fear that he would disappear if I let go. “I love you.”

Apparently Scott lost control of his stamina, because I felt him pulsing inside me. The hotness of it soothed my nerves, and I sighed. This is sheer bliss!

I continued to hold him to me even though he passed out a moment later. Another note to self: Get him drunk more often!

I drifted off to sleep

“Jocelyn! What are you doing in my room?!” Scott demanded, waking me the next morning.

“Um…” I murmured. “We’re in my room.”

I kept my eyes closed, not quite ready to be awake yet, but I felt him look around.

“So we are… Oh God! I got drunk, and then…” He tried to wiggle out of my arms. I groaned, whimpering in disappointment as I tried to hold him tight.

“Please let me go,” he insisted, patiently waiting for me to obey. I didn’t want to, but I was too tired to fight him.

He quickly rolled out of bed. He spotted his robe, and put it on.

“Don’t you know that when you sneak into a girl’s bedroom so that you can slake your lust, it’s only polite to kiss her goodbye in the morning?” I asked.

He sighed, and I resisted the urge to laugh. It felt like everything I said to him made him sigh in frustration.

“You’re right; I’m horrible. I shouldn’t have –”

I leapt up so quickly that I got dizzy, but I was that angry. I slapped him across the face. “Don’t you dare say that you shouldn’t have had sex with me! I’m 18 now, you can tie me to the bed and make me overflow with your cum and there’s nothing anyone can say about it!”

“Does making me feel terrible make you feel good?” He asked.

I guess we aren’t going to get anywhere productive today either. I turned my back on him. “Just go.”

He hesitated. I think he didn’t want to leave in the middle of an argument. He’s the kind of guy that likes to have everything settled neatly at all times.

“Jocelyn…”

I remained firm. I have waited years for him to come to me, and now that he has, he still refused to admit that he has feelings for me. I felt something tickle my legs, and looked down. Damn! It’s that frickin’ time of the month!

I turned to walk to my bathroom.

“Oh my God! Did I hurt you?!” Scott demanded.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Pfft! No! This is just proof that you didn’t knock me up again.”

“Oh…” He sounded almost disappointed. He faced away from me as I washed up my legs and inserted my menstrual cup. “Listen… I got drunk, and I wasn’t thinking…”

“I know. You got drunk, then you got horny, and then you remembered that you have a hot little 18 year old who’s always trying to get in your pants. That’s all fine by me, what hurts is that you won’t admit you want me. You keep pushing me away…” Tears started to fall without my permission, and I brushed them away impatiently.

He shook his head, probably thinking that I still wasn’t listening to reason, and then left my room.

“Daddy!” Dantaelian squealed happily. I couldn’t see her, but I knew that she had just flung herself into his arms.

“Good Morning Mr. McDerry,” Hayley greeted respectfully. “Is Miss Jocelyn awake?

“I er um I,” he sighed. He obviously wanted to explain himself but didn’t want to admit to what he had done. “Yes, she’s…”

“Daddy, I know a new dance! Put me down and I’ll show you.”

The hall was silent for a moment as I pulled on a pair of red and black plaid men’s lounge pants, and a sleeveless black muscle tee.

“Good job! Scott praised.

“Hayley,” I called out as I approached my door. “I’m having my girl time today and don’t feel like dancing.” I patted my beautiful daughter on her head. She was wearing her practice ballet clothes for class. “Would you go with her today?”

“No problem…” Hayley smiled at me. “Unless you need Reggie today, Mr. McDerry,” she added, leaving the final decision up to Scott.

“No, that’s fine. You go ahead,” he permitted, glancing at me warily.

“The boys left a while ago to go skateboarding at the park, and there’s leftover breakfast in the Kitchen. My mom went grocery shopping, but she said she’ll wash the dishes when she gets back,” Hayley informed us as she led Dantaelian towards the garage. Reggie lived in an apartment above it, and spent a lot of time cleaning and maintaining all of Scott’s cars.

I stroked my chin in thought, an idea forming. A brilliant one if I do say so myself! I ran to Scott’s study, and he followed me, probably wondering what business I had in his study.

I contemplated his selection of liquor. I personally wasn’t much of a drinker, though I have gotten drunk at a couple of parties in the past.

“Jocelyn, you’re not old enough for any of that,” Scott stated firmly.

“Says the man who gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday,” I muttered, and then selected a half filled decanter of brandy – or so I assume. It wasn’t actually labeled. I picked up two small glasses, and then placed them and the decanter on Scott’s desk.

“Okay… I want you to play a game with me,” I said, gesturing to the alcohol. “I’ll ask you a yes or no question, and if the answer’s no, you have to take a drink. Then you can ask me a yes or no question, and if I answer no, I take a drink.”

He raised an eyebrow in concern mixed with amusement. “What will this game accomplish?”

“Maybe nothing, but I’m hoping that I can get you to answer some of my questions honestly,” I admitted.

He gave me a pensive look, and then looked at the alcohol on his desk. “Fine… what do you want to know?” He asked as he sat the chair behind his desk. I sat in the chair in front of it.

I pursed my lips and shifted them side to side as I considered my first question. “Do you love me?”

He stared at me with no expression for a nerve-wracking moment, and then answered, “No.”

I poured about a shot of the liquor into his glass, and then watched him drink it.

He returned his glass to the desk and then stared at me intently once more. “Do you enjoy toying with me?”

I rolled my eyes and poured myself a shot. I downed it in one gulp, and then held my breath until the urge to cough subsided and the sting stopped biting my eyes.

“Do you hate me?” I asked.

He poured himself a shot, and murmured no. He drank it, and then practically blurted, “Are you lying when you say you love me?”

“No!” I insisted adamantly, then poured myself a drink. I swallowed it, again holding my breath for a moment. This time, my eyes watered and I couldn’t stop them. This is some potent alcohol!

I stared him down, wondering if I could or even should ask my next burning question. I took a deep breath. “Do you like having sex with me?”

He closed his eyes, and rested his head on the back of his chair. I unconsciously held my breath as the moments passed in silence.

“If I gave you money to go away and never come back – still retaining shared custody of Dantaelian – would you?”

“Never! I don’t want your money,” I stated, and then took another shot. I panted, definitely beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol in my blood. “Will you marry me?”

He shook his head, and then poured himself a drink. “Pass.”

“Do you want another baby?” I asked. Personally, I did. I wanted to have as many of his kids as he wanted.

He stared at me silently for a couple of seconds. “I don’t know how to answer that… Do you want more?”

“Yes!” I cried out, unconsciously rubbing my cramping abdomen. “Do you think about me as much as I think about you?”

“I don’t know, how much do you think about me?” Scott wondered. I could hear a wobble to his voice, and knew that he was feeling a little something from the alcohol too.

“That’s not a yes or no question,” I pointed out with a smile. I didn’t need to answer because the sheer fact that he had to ask meant that he did think about me quite a bit. “Do you like it when I kiss you?”

He grunted in frustration. “I’m ending this game.”

“Fine, then I’ll just have to find out for myself,” I threatened, and abruptly crawled across his desk so that I could kiss him. The alcohol must have lowered his resistance to me, because he returned my kiss, even placing one of his hands at the back of my neck.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to be a decent person when you’re around?” He whispered into my mouth before kissing me again.

DAMNIT! Why does it have to be that time of the month!!! I finally have him in the right mood, and I can’t do anything! I stopped kissing him just long enough to crawl off his desk and onto his lap.

I explored his mouth with my tongue, taking full advantage of his cooperation. He started massaging my buttocks, and I couldn’t suppress a moan of pleasure. A glorious five minutes passed like this, and then I felt a sudden shift in his mood. He got to his feet unexpectedly, and I was suddenly afraid that he was going to walk away from me again.

Instead, he forcefully turned me around, and then pushed me to bend over face down on his desk. I lay there curiously, passively letting him push my pants down to my knees. I hadn’t put any panties on earlier, so there was nothing in his way, except my menstrual cup.

“Um wait. I’m –”

He leaned over me, his mouth to my ear. “I really am a monster. You keep telling me things like I can tie you to my bed and do anything I want to you, but little do you know that’s exactly what I’ve wanted to do all these years!”

He pressed against the tight and unyielding hole between my butt cheeks. I inhaled sharply in surprise.

“If I hadn’t kept such a tight rein on my lust all these years, it’s entirely possible that you would never have left my bed long enough to be seen by anyone. Your father would have been justified in murdering me as violently as possible.”

He slowly but firmly pushed himself inside me until he was buried as deeply as he could be. I was panting from pain, but the alcohol seemed to be dulling that. I whimpered. Even now, I wanted him, but I will admit that he was scaring me just a bit.

“I begged you to leave me alone so that I could keep that side of me locked away, but you just had to keep pushing me and pushing me until I lost all control!” He pulled himself out almost all the way, and then buried himself back inside me.

I shuddered from the intensity. It felt both bad and good. “I love you,” I whispered. “I just want to be with you, no matter what!”

“Well what about what I want?” He demanded, accenting it with another forceful thrust. “I want to be a decent man, and decent men do not have sex with little girls!”

“I’m not little anymore!”

“Yes you are!” He nearly shouted, and then covered my mouth with a hand. “Shh… you want me to have sex with you so badly, then shut up and let me do this.”

I held completely still as he pounded all his anger frustration and lust into me. I wished that I could get a hand between my legs to rub myself, but he had decided to pin both my arms to the desk with one hand, still covering my mouth with his other. I whimpered again.

“What’s the matter?” He asked with a cruel tone to his voice. “You keep telling me that I can do anything I want to you.”

I maneuvered my mouth until I could speak clearly. “You can… I just want one of my hands free so that I can –”

He cut me off by shifting his hand from my mouth to between my legs. He located the right spot, and then rubbed it roughly. “Is this what you want?”

Yes and no. He was somewhat hurting me, but it felt good at the same time. I nodded my head, wiggling my hands that had fallen asleep from the pressure he held them to the desk with.

Part of me moaned, groaned, and sighed with pleasure, but another part of me focused on the clock on his wall. The minutes rolled by, and I began to wonder if he planned to do this to me all day. It felt good… but at the same time it hurt.

Suddenly, he pulled completely out, and ordered me to roll onto my back. I complied, kicking off my pants and spreading my legs for him without a moment’s hesitation. I was lubricated enough by now that he was able to slide back in without hurting me.

Once he was fully buried, he leaned over me, resting his arms on the desk next to my hips. He slid his hands up under my shoulders, grasping them to hold me steady as he resumed his thrusting.

“Don’t close your eyes,” he ordered. “I want to watch your expressions.”

That was the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do! Looking him in the eye as he has anal sex with me! It’s strangely embarrassing…

Slowly, he lowered his face to kiss me. The fire that burns my body every time I think about him suddenly returned with a vengeance, and I shuddered. I felt like I was about to die from the pleasure!

“Oh yes!” I started squealing. “Oh God yes!”

His desk made a thundering racket as he pounded into me, but suddenly it fell silent. He roared in triumph, and I nearly laughed. The sensation of him pumping me full tickled!

He rested his head on my chest for a moment. I traced a finger alongside his cheek as he looked up. He paled as if he saw a ghost, and I twisted my neck so I could see what he was looking at.

Just outside the door to his study – lined up much like the first 3 pins waiting to be bowled over – stood his adopted sons. They gaped at us in horrified shock. Neither of us had expected anyone to come home, so we didn’t bother shutting or locking the door. Without a word, they ran away; the main entrance slammed shut about three heartbeats later.

Also without a word, Scott pulled out of me, adjusted his robe so that it fully covered him again, and then left the room. I lay sprawled on his desk wondering if I should go talk to him, or leave him alone. Neither option seemed right. I think he wanted to be left alone, but that was a big part of our problem… We never worked through our issues until we reached some sort of compromise.

I curled up on my side, cradling my head with my hands. I think I may have completely lost him this time.  Just when we were making real progress, he utterly retreated once more. The thought was too depressing.

The drowsiness that follows good sex teamed up with the alcohol I’d drank and put me to sleep. I didn’t even have time to stumble to my room. Nor did I care that I was naked from the waist down sleeping on a desk in a room with the door open.

“Miss Jocelyn… Your dad wants to talk to you,” Bea informed me.

“Tell him I’ll call him back,” I mumbled.

“You misunderstand… He’s here.”

I sat up abruptly, and then groaned. I ached everywhere! “Man… he really did a number on me…” I muttered out loud to myself. I forced myself to focus on the clock.

“It’s been 5 hours?!” I gasped.

Bea handed me my plaid pants, and I slipped them on as I carefully got down from the desk.

“Where’s Dantaelian?” I asked.

“Still with Hayley. She called shortly after I returned from shopping, and since I couldn’t find Mr. McDerry, and you were sound asleep, I gave them permission to grab a bite to eat before going to a movie they begged to see,” Bea informed me.

“Scott’s not home?” I inquired, frowning.

“No,” she replied with a shake of her head.

I followed her to where my father stood just inside the entrance. He was in his police uniform, and Larry stood next to him. Both looked sad, and Larry even seemed on the verge of tears. This was an event so rare, I had never seen it before.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“That’s what we’d like to know,” Jim, Tim, and Harry stated, calling my attention to the fact that they were sitting on some stairs behind me.

My dad cleared his throat softly. “Larry received a phone call not too long ago. It seems that he is listed as Mr. McDerry’s emergency contact…”

I sighed. “Did he ask you to come make me leave? Talk about overreacting!”

“No… he… died in a crash about 2 hours ago.”

It felt like all the blood in my body drained to my feet and then into the ground under me. “What?” I whispered, not able to accept that I’d heard the truth.

From the soft gasps behind me, I knew that no one else could believe their ears either.

“He died, Jocelyn. In a pretty bad crash involving three other cars.” Dad put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly, but my knees went weak. I fell to the ground, sitting on my knees, my feet wide apart.

“You’re lying! You have to be lying!” I wailed in anguish.

I could hear his sons and Bea crying.

“I’m not lying,” my dad insisted.

I slammed my fists on the floor and screamed. “No! This can’t be happening!”

“This is all your fault!”

“He didn’t have to work today!”

“He probably wouldn’t have left if not for you!” His sons accused me, and I gasped when I realized that they were right.

I started sobbing. “Oh God! I killed him!”

My dad squatted to pat me on the back. “Hey… this is not your fault.”

“Yes it is!” I insisted in a wail.

One of the boys sighed, sniffling to stop his tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it… You’re not really to blame.”

Another one couldn’t make himself stop crying, but added his thoughts. “We were just so shocked earlier…”

“We weren’t prepared to see that…” The third finished.

I was still sobbing, curled up on the floor in something resembling child’s pose. “Yes it is my fault! From the time we woke up this morning, we were arguing. I challenged him to a drinking game hoping to get some answers out of him, and he got drunk, again. If not for me getting him drunk, he wouldn’t have crashed. So it really is all my fault!”

My dad sighed, and I think he had a pretty good idea of the things I had left out of my explanation. “No… Drunk or not, he chose to drive. Plus, he could have refused to play your game, but he didn’t. He chose to get drunk. You are not to blame.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better!” I shouted. “You’re only making me feel worse!”

“Jocelyn…” My dad tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away. I got to my feet and ran outside until I could see the irreverently blue sky. I shouted at it angrily.

“Why the hell did you have to leave me?! Things were finally getting better, damnit! Did you hate me that much?!”

The blue sky sparkled from the bright sunshine. Even so, it started to rain on me. Only on me. I looked around to see if someone was trying to cool me off by hosing me down, but everyone was staring at me from the stairs in front of the door.

“Jocelyn…” I heard Scott whisper, and knew he was crying as he watched me. That was when I could no longer deny the truth. This was not some cruel twisted joke, he really was dead. I sank to the ground again, beating my fists on the driveway and wailing my grief.

Surprisingly, only a few short moments later, I was out of rage, and I curled up in the fetal position to let the rain numb all my pain. If I was lucky, maybe it would give me pneumonia and I’d soon be with the man I loved.

I heard the soft sound of a car slowly driving closer. I prayed that it would run me over. The rain stopped as abruptly as it had started, but I was already sopping wet.

“Mama… why are you on the ground?”

I sat up, hugging my daughter to me. I felt numb. Like I wasn’t really in my body. “Go say hi to grandpa, baby. Mama’s tired… Mama’s very tired…” I pushed her towards my dad a little, and then stood up. I decided to walk around the house until I got to the patio that belonged to my bedroom. I didn’t want to have to pass all those people in order to go through the house.

I crawled into bed, and as far as I was concerned, I was never coming out of it again.

*****

A few days later, the will was read. Scott had written it about a year ago, updating it from a previous version he had written shortly after Dantaelian was born. In it, he gave Bea and Reggie a generous bonus, but expressed his wish that they both continue to serve his family. Bea was appointed the one in charge of Scott’s estate and fortune which was to be held in trust until his sons turned 21. Then – so long as they didn’t sell the mansion – the fortune could be split into 4 equal shares. One share for each of his kids. Dantaelian’s share would remain in trust until her 21^st birthday.

As for me, I was allowed to use money from his estate to pay for college, and I was 1/5 owner of his house, so I’d always have a place to live. Other than that, he didn’t give me a dime. This was fine by me since I was serious about not wanting him for his money. He did give me a car. I was allowed to choose any one of the cars in his garage, but I was far too out of it to think about that.

*****

“Hey Jocelyn, wait up!”

I stopped. I was about to go home since my last class had ended a while ago. Now that Dantaelian was in school – a wonderful private school that Scott had wanted her to go to – I had time to go to college.

“Wasn’t your birthday last week?” One of my classmates asked. He was always finding any excuse he could to talk to me.

“Yeah… I turned 20…” I admitted.

He took a breath, and then pressed a light kiss to my lips. “Happy birthday.”

I studied him silently for a moment. One or two other guys had been interested in me since I started college, but they lost interest when they found out about my daughter. I actually kind of liked this one, and hoped he might stick around to be friends.

“Thank you… Would you like to come to my place and meet my daughter?” I asked, plunging right into the deep end.

“Oh… You have a boyfriend… How old is your baby?”

I smirked. “No… I don’t have a boyfriend…” I pointed to my car – the same junker my father had bought me once upon a time ago. Thank God for Larry! “Why not meet her?”

He shrugged, and then held open my door for me. I settled myself in my seat, and waited for him to go around to the other side of the car. Once he was ready, I inserted the key in the ignition, but then hesitated. It’s only fair to give him a chance to back out.

“My daughter’s almost 6, and her father died in an accident 2 years ago.”

“Oh…” He murmured, giving this some thought. “I’m sorry. It must be tough raising her all on your own.”

I shrugged. “Yes and no.” He didn’t make a sudden excuse to abandon me, so I started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. The college I went to was only about a half an hour from the mansion, so I lived there while I went to school. All of my days off, I spent at home with my dad.

As we approached the mansion – having passed the private airport on a long secluded road – my new friend, Dean, muttered. “Wow! I wonder what it’s like to live there!”

I slowed the car, and dialed the access code to open the gate.

“You live here?!” Dean asked incredulously.

“Relax, the house is not mine.” I stated, which was 4/5ths true. I parked, and we got out of the car.

“Hey Joss!” Tim called out to me from the balcony of his second floor bedroom. “Your dad called. He wants to know why the hell you bother having a cell phone if you never turn it on!”

Jim waved at us, having come to see me grumble about my cell phone since he knew that it was an older model that died on me frequently. “We’re about to play the new rock band game. You guys want to come play?”

“Maybe later!” I yelled so he could hear me.

“Mama mama!” Dantaelian ran to me and flung herself in my arms. She was wearing a dress that looked like it was made for Cinderella to wear to the ball.

Normally, I’d ask her if she was starring in a play or something, but I already knew that she had insisted on buying it – Bea gave me an allowance from the estate to buy us clothes, and often bought things for Dantaelian if she thought Scott would have bought it for her – simply because she liked it, and then hadn’t taken it off since.

“Hi baby,” I greeted her with a hug.

“Guess what, our class is raising baby chicks! Mine’s so cute and fluffy!”

“Aww,” I purred the way I knew she wanted me too. “I can’t wait to see them.” I introduced her to Dean, and then asked, “Why don’t you go practice your dance steps for ballet tomorrow?”

“Okay!” She agreed enthusiastically, and then ran off to her bedroom, which was large enough to have its own mini dance studio in it. Frickin’ lucky child!

I led Dean into the house. He was quiet, and I think he was contemplating how old I was when Dantaelian was born. He didn’t need to know just yet that I was only 14 by about 2 months.

“Miss Jocelyn,” Bea gained my attention from the kitchen. “I’m trying to decide what to make for dinner tonight. Any requests?”

“Ribs and kraut and a side of green beans?” I asked, hoping that she liked my suggestion.

“I can do that,” she agreed with a grin. “Is your friend going to be staying for dinner?”

I looked to him, and he shrugged.

“Why not make enough just in case. I promise I’ll eat his share if he decides to leave.”

Bea simply shook her head, knowing full well that I would, and then got busy cooking.

“Miss Jocelyn? Do you know anything about fractals?” Hayley asked from a room that was like a cross between a living room and a small library.

“Nope, not a clue! I suggest you call Mark. He can talk fractals with you until your head spins,” I informed her. She nodded, and pulled out her cell phone. “Tell him I said hi, and then tell him that I’m still mad at him for not coming to visit on his last break!”

Hayley laughed. “I’ll just tell him to call you later.”

“That won’t help, my cell phone is dead again,” I muttered.

I gestured for Dean to follow me. “Are you athletic? Do you like running?”

He shrugged. “Yeah… Kind of.”

“What does that mean?” I wondered.

“I used to love running, but I haven’t done it since I graduated high school,” Dean explained.

I nodded with a smile, and then led him to the backyard. It was a general sport field circled by a jogging track. “Let’s jog!”

Dean nodded in agreement, and we stretched for a couple minutes before taking off. I waved to Harry, who was kicking a soccer ball around the field.

“You sure have a lot of brothers,” Dean remarked. “And you all seem to be the same age.”

I laughed. “They’re not my brothers, they’re Dantaelian’s. Her father adopted them, which means that they’re not technically related to each other or to my daughter, but they are her family.”

This seemed to confuse him. “Um… how old was her father?”

“When he died? 54.”

I could see him trying to do the math and it just not adding up. He stopped short, and stared at me as if I had two heads. I invited him to sit on a patch of grass, and explained how I had snuck into his room one night and was astonished to learn later that I was pregnant.

“Scott was a good man, and even though I did an unthinkable thing, he took responsibility and cared for our daughter,” I finished my explanation.

“So… this is his house?”

I nodded.

“Wow!”

I stared at the grass as I remembered the man I loved. A single tear escaped my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. This new friend had not run away yet, so he had potential, but I wasn’t counting on anything. I still don’t think I’m ready to get over Scott and move on, but it was obvious even to me that I couldn’t mope over him forever.

Maybe a new friend is just what I need. Maybe he can distract me long enough that I gradually stop thinking about Scott. Maybe I’ll eventually have sex again. I miss sex so much! I shook my head slightly.

“Anyway, let’s keep jogging until Bea calls us in for dinner,” I suggested.

“Good idea,” Dean agreed.

I smiled as he held out his hand and helped me to my feet.

“First one to run 10 laps wins!” He informed me over his shoulder as he ran away.

“That’s cheating!” I protested, still smiling. Maybe he’s not the next guy I will fall in love with, but at least I’m willing to consider the possibility. That’s definitely a start.

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