I was a normal 13 year old girl… If you considered it normal to constantly wear a baseball jersey, and play sports. My best friend was the nerdy brainiac boy next door, and I always seemed to get along better with guys than girls.
My dad was a police officer, and we lived in a normal house in a regular neighborhood. His best friend lived with us, and for a long time, I thought they were “together.” When I asked my dad about it though, he simply laughed in a way that made it clear that he found the idea absurd and mildly repulsive.
Anyway, as I said, I was a normal girl, except… I could not get thoughts of boys out of my mind. Ok, I admit it, not boys… men. I wanted a man to take me aside and show me some of the things I’d seen in my dad’s not so hidden stash of porn. Fantasies of what a man might do to me occupied my every waking thought, which made it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything else!
I wonder if I would be… less concerned with sex if I had a mother to talk about these things with, but I was adopted, and my father had never married. My real parents had died in an accident when I was very young, so I don’t remember what it was like to have a mom. Most of the time, my dad was such a good dad that it didn’t matter that I didn’t have a mom. There were just some things, however, that I couldn’t talk to him about.
For example, he would totally kill me if he knew I had secretly watched all his porn!
One day, Larry – my dad’s best friend – came home from his garage all excited. It was Friday, so I figured he was just happy that it was the weekend. I know I was thrilled to not have to go to school for a couple of days.
He babbled on about mechanics for a few minutes – which my brainiac best friend had no problems understanding and seemed interested in – but finally, he got to the point. I had to take a moment to figure out what he was talking about. See, Larry owned his own garage, and he repaired anything that people brought to him. Cars, motorcycles, RV’s, even airplanes! You name it, he fixed it.
“Mr. McDerry is an old friend, and he doesn’t trust anyone to work on his vehicles except me, and one other guy,” Larry explained. “Well, this other guy is sick, and Mr. McDerry wants me to fly in and work on his jet.”
When Larry said fly in, he meant it literally. He had a small 4 passenger plane that he’d owned for years. He once told me that one of the reasons he got into mechanics was that he wanted to be able to maintain his plane so that it lasted as long as possible.
Larry continued. “I hesitated at first, because I’m just swamped with work at the moment, and I don’t like working weekends, but then he said that I could bring all of you with me. I thought, ‘Hey! I get to work on a fancy jet in a garage full of expensive equipment, and I get to bring all my friends with for a little weekend getaway… What’s not to love?!’”
I frowned in confusion. Larry saw my expression and laughed.
“Haven’t I ever talked about Mr. McDerry before? He’s one of my oldest friends, and he’s got more money than practically anyone in the world! A real billionaire, he is,” Larry grinned.
I nodded as I remembered that he had actually talked about the man before. Where on Earth had Larry men such a rich man? Why were they friends?
“So… What do you think, Drew? Jocelyn? What about you, Mark?” Larry asked my best friend separately because he’d need to ask his parents for permission.
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind going to see some rich old dude.”
My dad shrugged too. I knew that for him, if he wasn’t working, he actually liked to go out and do things. I’d rather stay home and play video games – or surf the net for porn, heh heh – but more often than not, my dad dragged me out camping or something so that he wasn’t sitting at home doing nothing. He was interested in going, and Larry knew it.
Larry smiled, and faced Mark. Mark had his finger to his chin in thought, and I knew he was wondering if he had finished all his homework. “I’ll go ask my mom,” he finally replied.
“Great, let’s get packing!” Larry suggested exuberantly.
Three hours later, we arrived at Mr. McDerry’s house. More specifically, we arrived at the small airport Mr. McDerry owned just down the street from his house. Make that mansion! I have never seen such a big house in my life!
“Larry!” Mr. McDerry greeted pleasantly. “Good to see you again. I’m glad you could make it.
“No problem Mr. McD,” Larry replied, shortening the man’s name as was his habit. He liked to call everyone by a nickname – hence the reason he called my dad Drew. It was short for Andrew.
Three boys the same age as Mark and me stood hesitantly behind Mr. McDerry, and I’ll admit that it was a struggle to shift my attention to them. I previously confessed that I was obsessed with men right? Well, Mr. McDerry may be older than my dad… He may be in his 50’s… but Damn! He was good-looking and in great shape for an old guy!
My imagination was running wild, so I forced myself to pay attention to the three boys. They were looking at Larry like he had upset them. They looked petulant and resentful.
Larry finished introducing us, and Mr. McDerry took over the introductions. “Nice to meet you all. I’m Scott McDerry, and these three are my adopted sons; Tim, Jim, and Harry.”
“Adopted?” I questioned.
Larry chuckled. He was such a happy go lucky guy that it was rare for him to speak without laughing in some way. “Yeah. I used to work exclusively for Mr. McD before I got my own shop, and one day, I was tinkering with an experimental plane I was building when it crashed. I landed in a field next to a bridge, and under the bridge, I found these three. After figuring out that they were all orphans who had run away from the orphanage, I talked to Mr. McD and asked him to take them in.”
“I’ve never had any children, and I was getting rather lonely in my old age, so I agreed,” their adopted father added with a smile.
Ah… this explained their resentment towards Larry, they probably felt like he was part of their family, but he had moved a couple of years ago to our city, and was now living with me and my dad. I smiled in an effort to be nice.
“I’m Jocelyn… which you already know,” I muttered nervously. “I’m adopted too.”
Their expressions changed a bit. Softening just a little. “Really?” They asked.
“Yep,” my dad confirmed, putting an arm around me. “I once arrived at the scene of an accident before any other cops, paramedics, or rescue workers. I found the driver and passenger dead, but miraculously, a toddler stared at me from the backseat of the car. I think she was in shock, because she wasn’t making any noise. I pulled her free of the car before it exploded, and then took her home with me – with permission from social services.”
My dad just had to point that out because he was a cop and believed in always doing the right thing. He turned to me, and sternly pointed one finger in my face.
“You and Mark should go play with these three, but do not start any fires, break any windows, or beat anyone up!” He insisted.
“Jeez dad, ruin all my fun, why dontcha?” I muttered unappreciatively. The way he talked, one might think that I purposely tried to get into trouble. I didn’t try… trouble just sort of happened, heh heh.
“I mean it Joss!” He added as I walked away, Mark meekly following me.
“Yeah yeah, dad,” I tossed over my shoulder. “No fires, just small explosions, I get it!”
“NO!!!” My dad yelled after me. “NO EXPLOSIONS EITHER!”
“Spoilsport,” I sighed.
Mr. McDerry – who’s name seemed to twist my tongue, so I’m secretly going to call him Scott – laughed good naturedly. “Don’t worry; I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
Tim, Jim, and Harry examined me and Mark closely once we were away from annoying adults and their supervision. “Do you want to play soccer or something?”
“Awesome, we can play two on two!” I stated, referring to the fact that Mark hated sports, and would much rather read a book as we played.
“Well… If you want, the housekeeper has a daughter. She’s only nine, but she can play on our side while one of us plays on your side. That way we’ll be three on three,” they offered.
I looked at Mark. He sighed. “Fine, but I get to be goalie.”
“You got it!” I cheered.
They called Hayley out to play, and soon we were running across the lawn like heathens, shouting and chasing after our prey. Our prey was the soccer ball, of course, but I liked to pretend it was a small animal running from us mighty hunters. It helped me to visualize the game better, and mostly kept my mind off the fantasies I was having.
Tim was the one to play on our side, and I’m sure that he thought he was going to be on the loosing team because Mark was obviously such a nerd. We surprised him though! It’s true that Mark hated sports, but I often used him as a goalie in the games I played with the neighborhood kids, so he had gotten used to it. No matter if it was soccer, hockey, or any other sport that called for a defensive goalie, he could do it.
He also knew that I would do my best at preventing the ball, puck, or whatever from ever reaching him in the first place. We were an excellent team. Oh, and by the way, just because he was a nerd, it did not mean that he had no athletic ability. He kind of wanted to be a cop like my dad someday, and made it a point to stay in good shape.
After we won the first game, we let the other team win one, and then maintained a tie score all through the last game. We were playing based on points rather than by time, so whichever team reached 15 points first would win – as opposed to real games that were based on who had more points at the end of a certain time.
Just as we were tied 14-14, Hayley’s mother called us in for dinner. Oh well, at least this way, we all had fun, and no one’s feelings were hurt by being the loser. I could have totally won though! I was literally about 30 seconds from scoring the final goal, but I let it go good-naturedly.
Dinner was awkward at first. Nobody seemed to have anything to say except Larry, who went on and on about the jet. I finally decided to put an end to that by thoroughly describing the game we had played in excruciating detail. My father looked annoyed, but at least I hadn’t broken anything, so he put up with my explanation.
After dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom – one of several. This place had more bathrooms than the entire number of room in my whole house! As I tried to find where everyone migrated to after I was done, I heard a voice.
“I told you I don’t want to see you anymore,” Scott informed someone over the phone. “I don’t want my boys thinking that I’m getting serious enough about you to get married. And if I don’t plan to marry you, it’s not right to let you sneak into my bed at night.”
There was a pause as the other side of the call stated her case. I could only hear enough to know the voice was female. Beyond that, I had no idea what she was saying. I imagined that she was trying to point out that marriage was not a requirement in this day and age.
Scott sighed. “Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t think it’s right… Don’t come over. No, not just once more… No!” He hung up the phone, and was silent for a minute. Suddenly, I heard a clicking noise, and realized that he had just pushed play on a tape recorder.
A woman’s voice laughed. “Scott McDerry?! Don’t be silly! I only play around with him because he’s insanely rich! You’re the one I really want to be with.”
A man’s voice responded. “Oh really? Why? I have nothing, no money, no family. I can’t even walk without a crutch!”
She pouted. “Don’t be like that! I’ll get the rich guy to marry me, and then I’ll divorce him. Then I’ll have enough money to take care of you for the rest of our lives.”
There was another click, and the voices stopped. Ouch!!! He had to hurt after hearing something like that!
I finally heard other voices, the boys laughing at something Larry said, I’m sure. I quickly and quietly ran to them so that Scott wouldn’t know I had been listening in. The rest of the night passed pleasantly enough. Scott even managed to act like absolutely nothing was wrong, which made me want to cry!
Mark was invited to stay in the boys’ room so they could play video games, but my dad got paranoid and told me that I couldn’t play video games in their room at night. I wanted to act like I had no idea why he said that, but I was not clueless, and also not a very good liar. I just sighed in aggravation.
“That’s ok, you can play video games with me!” Hayley offered brightly. “I have a Hello Kitty game, and a Powerpuff Girls game.” She named about 10 other girly games that made me want to vomit. I think my nausea showed on my face because her mother laughed.
“Sorry, Hayley, but I’ve already prepared a room for Miss Jocelyn to stay in while she’s here.”
I smiled at her gratefully, trying not to be obvious about how relieved I was.
The housekeeper beckoned me to follow her, and soon I was all alone in a huge room. It was decorated as if it was intended to house visiting royalty, and I was afraid to touch anything. My dad wasn’t kidding when he hinted that I have a tendency to break things!
I listened as the house grew quiet. They only sounds were of the boys playing video games, and I knew that they would probably stay up well past midnight. Damn! If only I could play some video games too!
There was nothing in this room to occupy my attention, so it roamed, and soon I was having wild fantasies again. They all involved Scott. I felt so hot that I threw the blanket off. That didn’t help, so I got up and paced the room.
It was still much too hot in my room, so I decided to take a bath to cool me off. There was a fabulous bathroom attached to my room, and even though I was not a typical girly girl, I was in love with this tub! It was huge! Totally big enough to lay down in. It was practically big enough to swim in!
I floated on my back, having opted not to add bubbles to the tub. I shampooed and conditioned my hair with whatever was in the basket provided. It smelled… feminine… womanly… floral? It was totally not something I would ever choose for myself.
Next, I scrubbed myself with the body wash provided. It smelled the same, but that didn’t matter because as I scrubbed my body, I noticed something.
It felt really, really good! I touched myself all over, and then wondered what it would be like to do something I had seen in the pornos. I didn’t have long, white-tipped, well manicured nails, but I could still wiggle my fingers between my legs. Once I found the spot all those women must be rubbing, I seriously wondered why they wanted long nails. Even the short bit of nail I had scratched, and I had to figure out how not to do that.
Oh my God! No wonder those porno women played with themselves so much! They got to do something that felt this good and get paid for it! Scenes ran through my mind, giving me new things to try. I wondered why I had resisted doing this before, and then remembered that my room at home was right next to my dad’s, and it was embarrassing to think he might walk in on me as I did this.
Something happened that felt so good I nearly drowned! I sat up abruptly, and coughed a bit to get the water out of my lungs. Hmm… I need to try that again, but not in this tub!
I got out and wrapped a towel around my body. Then, I drained the tub, and wandered back into the room. The bed looked huge! I was afraid to get back in it with wet hair. I might ruin the silky pillowcases. I solved my problem by wrapping another towel around my hair, and then I slipped into bed.
I started rubbing myself again, only this time, it didn’t seem like enough. No matter how long I tried, that good feeling didn’t return. I groaned in frustration as my thoughts taunted me, dwelling on Scott again. This was going to be a long night!
An hour passed, or was it two? I don’t know for sure, but I was ready to cry! My body wanted to be touched so badly, but my hands just weren’t cutting it. I was so hot that I couldn’t bear to have the blanket on me. I had long since thrown the towel on the floor, and only wore the one around my hair.
I paced my room again. More time passed, and I think I went crazy, because I started thinking something insane. I bit my lip.
No one would ever know, right?
I tossed my robe on, and flung the towel around my hair onto a chair. My hair was mostly dry now anyway. I wiggled my toes in the lush carpet, and thought about how thick it was. It muffled all sound. I bet I could sneak around with no one hearing me.
No one would ever know, right? I was still biting my lip.
Right?
I opened my door, and slipped into the hall. I knew that my room was across from Scott’s because the housekeeper had mentioned it earlier. I tiptoed just in case the carpet didn’t muffle everything.
His door opened, which was a relief because I thought for sure he would have locked it. I entered his room, and carefully shut the door so that there would be no noise. Then, I stared at his bed, contemplating what to do now.
I had seen some porns, but this was the real thing. I really didn’t know what to do, but my body positively throbbed with the need to do something. I swallowed nervously, and let my robe fall off my shoulders. I set it on the arm of a chair.
The room was dark, but my eyes had adjusted enough that I could just barely see the outline of everything. I approached the bed, holding my breath lest I wake him.
“I told you not to come over tonight, but it seems you cannot listen. Fine… one last time, but I really mean it, this is the last time!”
I smothered a gasp. He thought I was her! Oh… this could so work to my advantage.
I pulled back the blanket, and crawled into bed. My best bet now was not to say anything, and hope that he didn’t notice I wasn’t who he thought I was. I located his face with my hand, and leaned in to kiss him.
Imagine that your first kiss was going to be with a man that didn’t know who you were, and then think about how nervous you’d be. I had to push aside my nervousness and natural hesitation. I pressed my lips to his, and then softened them. According to the pornos, all kisses during sex were supposed to be open-mouthed, so I opened my mouth.
He slipped his tongue inside my mouth, and I wondered what it was I tasted. It was a bit smoky, and a bit bitter. He smelled like cigars and alcohol, so I bet that’s what I was tasting. It wasn’t horrible, but I didn’t particularly like the taste either.
“Mmm,” he murmured. “You’re wearing that scent again.”
Wow! Talk about good luck! That woman must have left her stuff in the bathroom connected to the room I was using. I smiled.
Then he ran his hands over my body, and I was lost! I could not think. I could not speak. All I could do was moan and push my body into his hands.
In a porno, the men always licked a woman between her legs, and then the women always sucked on the man’s dick until he creamed all over her face. Then he’d stick himself inside her until they both made every funny noise they possibly could. This was what I expected, but he skipped a few steps.
He simply stroked my body – including the spot that was so fun to rub – for a few moments, then he spread my legs and kneeled between them. “You’re so wet tonight. I don’t think I’ll even need to use any oil.”
Oil??? Use oil for what? I don’t recall there being oil in the porns.
The next thing I knew, he was pushing himself inside me. I clung to him and dug my nails into his back. I had to hold my breath so that I wouldn’t cry out and give away the fact that he had just taken my virginity.
“Hmm… you’re also very tight tonight,” he whispered in my ear. “You must be very excited. We’re you thinking naughty thoughts?”
I nodded, not daring to speak. He moved inside me, and I was lost again. I sighed happily. The absolute best part was that no one knew! Not even he knew what was going on right now.
He said a few other things in an attempt to get me to talk dirty, but everything he said gave me such a vivid mental image that I couldn’t stop blushing, much less speak! I finally whispered, “Shhhh…”
My body felt wonderful! I was definitely making those silly sounds the women in the pornos made. I shuddered every time he thrust into me because he managed to rub that spot, and it made me feel like I was about to die and go to heaven!
I started crying, and my body shook. Something in me remembered that I couldn’t be too loud because my father was an officer and he would come busting in here if he thought something was wrong. I leaned forward into my lover, and bit his shoulder to stop from making so much noise.
He made that grunting noise the men all made on the pornos, and I knew that he was feeling just as good as I was at the moment. He held still for a few moments, and then rolled away from me. I panted for a few minutes, enjoying the lingering sensations.
He chuckled. “Strange, you usually don’t orgasm until after I’m done, and you’re using your fingers.”
I blushed. Must this man be so chatty?!
Then he sighed. “I was serious though. I don’t want you to come back ever again. If you try, I’ll get a restraining order against you, and hire a security guard.”
I decided to play along, and nodded. I slipped out of bed, and located my robe.
“Don’t disturb anyone on your way out,” he commanded, sounding sad. I realized that he must have actually loved her. It must not have just hurt to find out what she was really thinking; it must have torn his heart from his chest. I bet he secretly wanted her to come over one last time. In a way, I might have helped him a little.
I returned to my room, and crawled into bed, robe and all. I was now thoroughly satisfied, and tired enough to go to sleep. Not bad for a first time, I congratulated myself as I drifted off to Slumberland.
In the morning, Hayley and all the boys came in to wake me. “How long do you plan to sleep?” They demanded to know.
“Sorry,” I mumbled groggily. “I couldn’t sleep last night. This bed is so… soft and silky.” I blurted out the first excuse I could think of.
Scott’s sons laughed. “We understand!”
They left me alone to get dressed, and I had to breathe to calm my thundering heart as I remembered what had happened. Did I mention that I’m not a good liar? My dad is going to take one look at me, ask me what happened, and I’m going to have to somehow convince him that nothing happened! So much for no one knowing!
No… I can do this. I can do this… I can’t do this!!! I’m going to be grounded for the rest of my life!
Oh well… It was worth it! I grinned, and finally found the motivation to put my clothes on. On shimmied into the same thing I’d worn yesterday, which smelled much more like me than the perfumy scent from the stuff in the bathroom.
I was quiet all through breakfast. This was a stark contrast from last night at dinner, and I think everyone noticed. I am so not a good liar, and it was taking everything I had just to contain the urge to blurt out a confession!
Finally, my dad – who was sitting next to me – leaned his face close to mine. “All right, out with it!”
“What?!” I squeaked guiltily. I just knew he’d know something was up.
“What happened?” He demanded.
I was blushing so hard that it felt like my face was going to explode. “I… I… I…” I couldn’t confess! I must not confess!
“Spit it out already!” My dad roared.
“I broke something in my room last night!” I blurted out the first thing I could think of to explain my unusual behavior.
“Oh dear!” The housekeeper clucked. “I’ll have to go clean that up.”
“That’s ok, I took care of it,” I assured her.
Scott smiled at me in an attempt to put me at ease. “Don’t worry. I never put anything too expensive in the guest rooms.”
I nodded, unable to look at him. My dad had one hand on my shoulder, and I could tell that he was unable to decide if he should be disappointed in me, or happy that I hadn’t inadvertently burned the whole place to the ground. Jeez! A girl happens to be near a classroom the one time that it spontaneously combusts, and suddenly everyone thinks that I’m a pyromaniac!
He finally decided that since no one was mad, he’d let me off too. “Try to be more careful, Joss. Hmm… you smell good.”
I blushed again, but not quite so hard. “I took a bath and there was this stuff in a basket.” I mumbled. I remembered what else I had done in the bathroom, and my face turned as red as it possibly could.
“Uh-huh,” my dad remarked. “That must be where you broke whatever it was.”
I nodded vigorously. “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.”
I looked up as I got to my feet to find Scott staring vaguely in my direction as he stroked his chin in thought. Uh-oh! If I stick around too much longer, he might figure things out! I raced to the bathroom.
As I ran, I heard Hayley loudly giggle, “You shouldn’t do that, Mr. Andrew. I bet she has her girl time, and didn’t want to talk about it.”
AH!!! Why didn’t I think to use that as an excuse! That would have totally explained my embarrassment!
I think Hayley’s mom clucked sympathetically. “The poor thing! No mother to tell her that it’s ok…”
I was far enough away by now not to hear what my father said, but I imagined that he was probably blushing himself as he admitted that they were probably right.
I raced out the door, and hid in the large yard. I needed to calm down. Everything will be fine. They all think I’m bleeding, and I’m ok with that. I wasn’t though I haven’t before. I have… Once a month for the past six months. I knew how to handle that, but I’d never told my dad about it.
I finally calmed down, and then I got bored, so I kicked the soccer ball around the yard.
“Hey, you want to play some more?” Harry asked.
“Yeah, that’d be great!” I gushed, happy to have something to take my mind off the interesting memories of last night.
The day passed relatively peacefully, and the Larry announced that he had fixed the Jet, so we packed up to go home. Larry insisted that we would have had to leave anyway since he had so much work piled up. Even so, I rather hoped that I could have repeated last night. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t have a chance to risk being caught.
After we got home, and Mark returned to his house, my dad followed me to my room, and tried to explain the things that happen to a girl, and why.
“Ahhh!” I screeched as I covered my ears. “I know dad! I learned about it in health class!”
He sighed in relief, but persisted. “You know that you can talk to me about anything.”
I scoffed. “No I can’t!”
“Yes, you really can,” he insisted.
I rolled my eyes. I needed him to leave before I caved into temptation and told him what had happened. “Oh really? What if I told you that I really didn’t set that classroom on fire but that I was beating up some bully down the hall and that’s why I was at the scene of the crime?”
“Jocelyn!” My dad’s voice seemed both shocked and resigned, like he wanted to protest the possibility that I could ever do such a thing, but knew that I could and would.
“Or what if I told you that I’ve tried both smoking and drinking?”
His expression darkened, and I knew I was about to get grounded.
“See? I told you that I can’t tell you anything,” I muttered.
“Well you could if you stopped doing things you know you’re not supposed to!” He shouted.
I mentally sighed in relief. I had successfully diverted his attention. A strange expression crossed his face, and he stared at me. Oh crap! I think he figured out what I was doing. Please don’t press me for more information!!!
He sighed. “Fine… I’ll go, but I am serious. If you ever want to talk about being a girl, I’m here for you.”
A couple of months passed. I started feeling sick all the time, and I couldn’t understand why. I groaned as I lay in bed. Why did it have to be Monday?!
“Joss…?” My dad poked his head in my room. It was rare for him to have to wake me because my alarm was loud enough to wake the dead.
I was too nauseous to speak.
“Joss?”
I groaned, and concentrated on my stomach so that I could talk without more coming out than I intended. Finally my stomach seemed to cooperate. “I don’t feel so good.”
He sat on my bed and felt my forehead with one hand. “I don’t feel a fever. Do you think it’s a cold?”
“I don’t know… I just feel like throwing up,” I moaned.
“Probably the flu,” Dad mused. “I’ll bring you to the doctor just in case.”
Later on, as we waited for the doctor to see us, I started pacing the waiting room nervously. I had this strange dread. A foreboding that would not go away.
“Dad, let’s go home. I feel fine now,” I assured him, and it was true. I felt like I could go to school and play an entire game of soccer with no problems.
“Nuh-uh!” My dad stated.
The doctor checked my temperature and felt my neck. “There are no signs of influenza…” He finished giving me a basic physical, and insisted that I repeat my symptoms for him again.
He eyed my dad. “Um… would you please give us a few minutes to talk in private?”
My dad frowned. “I know that as her father, I have every right to be here during –”
“I’m not arguing that. I’m just asking for some time to talk in private.”
My dad sighed, but complied. He was obviously upset, but trusted that it must be important. I was dying of curiosity.
“Jocelyn…” the doctor looked at me sternly. “Based on your symptoms, I would normally suspect that you are pregnant. However, you are so young…”
I blushed. I wanted to deny the possibility, but I knew that even if I tried to lie, I’d only be confirming his suspicions. I have got to learn how to lie, damnit! I studied my nails closely, picking at them.
“I see,” he murmured. “Then, I am going to order a lab test, and if it comes back positive, I’m going to have to perform a pelvic exam… or would you prefer that I get a female in here to do that?”
“I don’t care if you do it,” I mumbled. I was used to men, and frankly the thought of a woman touching me down there was weird.
“Am I wasting my time here?” He asked abruptly. “Is there a possibility that you could be pregnant?”
“A possibility… yes,” I nodded as I whispered. I was so afraid that my dad would hear us talking.
He nodded, muttering something about being 13, and then opened the door. “I’m ordering some lab tests, sir, and then I’ll be back. Feel free to take her down the hall to the waiting area for the lab.”
I followed my dad. He looked at me curiously, and I’m sure I looked guilty. Thankfully, he said nothing.
Soon enough, we were back in the doctor’s office waiting for him to return. My dad finally couldn’t take the suspense any more. “What’s going on, Joss?”
I shrugged.
The doctor returned just then. “Do you want your dad in the room for the exam?”
I shook my head, blushing. “No!”
“Can you please step outside sir?” The doctor was actually still standing in the doorway, and I presumed that he would wait for me to get undressed. I noticed that there was now a folded up paper gown on the exam table in the corner of the room. The doctor pointed at it, and I nodded.
I was left alone, and hurriedly took off my clothes. I slipped into the paper gown – the opening in the back as I had seen done on TV – and sat on the table. I could hear my dad arguing with the doctor out in the hall.
When the doctor opened the door, he smiled at me reassuringly. “I’ve brought a nurse with to supervise the exam at your father’s request.”
“You didn’t tell him?!” I asked in alarm after the door was shut.
“No, by law, we can’t discuss these things with your parents without your permission. Even he knows that,” the doctor informed me.
I sighed in relief. The doctor performed the exam. He explained that since it was my first such exam, and that I had been sexually active, that he was going to perform a breast exam, a pap smear, and test for STD’s while he was at it. I merely nodded in agreement.
When it was over, he rummaged through the various pamphlets on the desk. “There’s no doubt. The tests came back positive, and I could see the changes to your cervix that indicate pregnancy. Here, take this brochure… It has the number and webaddress to a teen pregnancy support group. You can continue to see me as your doctor, or you can choose someone else. You’ll need to decide soon, because there are a lot of appointments to schedule.”
“I understand,” I murmured. I was shaking, and seriously afraid now. Would my dad kick me out? Would he find out who the father is and then have him thrown in jail?
The doctor and nurse both left, and I heard them assure my father that I was fine after all as I got dressed. I was silent as we walked to the car, and couldn’t look at my dad. I must have looked sick again, because he left me alone.
Until we were halfway home. “Alright, out with it! What’s going on?”
I clutched the brochure in my hand protectively. It was now crumpled, and folded in a way that made it impossible to read any of the words.
“Is it a girl thing?” My dad asked as he signaled to change lanes, carefully did so, and then snatched the brochure away from me when I wouldn’t answer.
I burst out crying. I knew that I’d eventually have to tell him, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to yell at me… or worse.
“Teen Pregnancy!” My dad roared out the title of the brochure. He quickly stepped on the brake to avoid colliding with the car in front of us. His surprise had made him stomp on the gas pedal, and we nearly caused an accident as a result.
I think he was in shock because he looked pale and dropped the brochure onto the seat between us. I picked it up, unable to stop crying now that I had started. He focused on driving home safely.
I leapt from the car the moment it stopped, and ran to the door of our house. I heard the phone ringing, and Larry answer it as I burst through the door.
“Jocelyn!” My father shouted as he slammed the front door shut behind him. “How can you be pregnant?!”
I was halfway to my room, and I stopped in my tracks. “I just am!”
“That is not an answer! Who?! Tell me who has done this to you?!”
“I can’t!”
“Tell me!!!
“I CAN’T!!!” I screamed.
We were both silent for a moment. Well, mostly silent, I was still crying, and my dad was panting as if he had just chased a suspect across the entire city.
I heard Larry chuckle nervously. “Uh… Mr. McD? I think I’m going to have to call you back later. You heard that? Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on.”
I gaped at Larry in disbelief bordering on a feeling like I should laugh… like an insane person in a psych ward. My dad looked from me to Larry and then back at me again. I quickly looked away, studying the tiniest details on a picture hanging on the wall. I couldn’t actually concentrate on it, but at least I made it look like I was.
“Was it one of his boys?” My dad demanded. Larry had yet to hang up. I think Scott was still talking about something.
“No!” I stated. The good thing about being a lousy liar is that my dad could tell when I was telling the truth.
“Was it Mark?”
“No.” I murmured emphatically.
“Then who was it?”
“What does it matter?!” I screamed. “It just happened. I did it all by myself, okay?” I finished running to my room, and slammed the door.
I curled up in my bed, and cried into my pillow. I hadn’t thought my actions through, and now I was paying for it. I can’t ruin anyone else’s life because I am too stupid to wear protection when I sneak into a man’s bed in the middle of the night. I didn’t for one second think that it would never happen again. I had liked it too much… At least next time, I’ll know better. I’ll be on birth control or have condoms… or both!
What am I going to do?
Time passed, but I couldn’t stop crying. I might get kicked out, and then I’ll have to figure out how to support myself and a baby! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn’t handle it! If my father let me stay, then I stood a chance at being a good mom, but if I was out on the streets, there’s no way I’d be able to raise a baby!
The more I thought about it, the more I just knew what I’d have to do, but it was breaking my heart to consider. My sobs grew harder, until I was coughing and gasping for breath.
I didn’t hear my dad come into my room, but suddenly he was stroking my hair. “Hey…” he whispered soothingly. “It’ll be alright… You don’t have to cry so hard.”
I tried to calm down as he pulled me into his arms.
He repeatedly made shh noises like he was rocking a baby to sleep, and I was surprised to find that it helped me stop crying. He stroked my hair until I was completely quiet.
“I got so caught up in thinking that you were a tomboy that I completely forgot you’re a girl. I was just so shocked earlier… I overreacted… Tell me what happened, and we’ll figure this out together.”
“Dad,” I mumbled into his shirt. “I’m sure you know how it happened.”
“I mean,” my dad cleared his throat in mild embarrassment. “Were you raped? Who’s the father? Do you even know?”
I took a deep breath, and decided to be completely honest… to a point. “Yes, I know who, no I wasn’t raped, and I’m never going to tell who the father is. I don’t want to get him in trouble. This is all my fault.”
The hand stroking my hair paused for a moment. “No… I’m pretty sure that it takes two people to create a child.”
“You don’t understand, and I can’t tell you something so…”
“Embarrassing?”
Close enough! I nodded.
“He needs to be told. It’s his responsibility to help care for the baby. You never know, he might want to be part of your child’s life,” my dad reasoned.
I sighed. It sounded like he wouldn’t drop it until I confessed. “It really was all my fault. I snuck into his room, and he thought I was someone else. I’m positive that he would have sent me away had he known.”
“Jocelyn…” my father whispered in astonishment. He sounded hurt, like he couldn’t believe his little girl could ever do such a thing. I really couldn’t blame him.
“So, you see… I can’t ruin his life like this… I can’t ruin my life like this. I should just… … …” I couldn’t say it. I started crying again.
“There’s always adoption,” my father suggested as an alternative. I had a loving and supportive adopted father – thank God! – but even, so that was never going to be an option for me. I simply could not give up any baby of mine. It was keep it or not have it as far as I was concerned.
Larry was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “Can I play the favorite uncle here for a minute?”
I pulled out of my father’s embrace, wiped away my tears, and nodded permission.
“Someone else just described the other side of the story to me, and he’s figured it out. If he knows, there’s not much point in keeping it a secret. I can’t imagine what you were thinking, but… Anyway, I think you should talk to him about it.”
“Oh God! He knows!” I flung myself onto my bed and buried my head with a pillow. “I didn’t want him to find out!”
My father must have glared at Larry or something, because suddenly he was confessing like he was being held in a police station for questioning.
“Apparently, it happened just like she said. He thought she was someone else. Except that something was different. When he heard that she’s pregnant, he put two and two together.”
“Who?” My father growled.
I sat up abruptly holding up a hand to silence Larry. I looked at my father, and took a deep breath.
“S… Scott McDerry,” I announced.
“Why him?!”
I shrugged. I couldn’t exactly say because he was there and I was horny! Plus, I had been strongly attracted to him, and not even I knew why.
I gathered up the courage to call the man I had duped, and he agreed to abide by my decision either way. He heavily encouraged me not to choose abortion, and promised to send me all the money I’d ever need. I wanted to cry again because I was not after money!
Then, he went on to describe how he’d want visitation, and that because I was the mother, I’d be welcome to come along. I could see how hard he was trying to be nice and not blame me for what I had done. By the time we finished talking, I felt like I could handle this situation a lot better.
