“Daddy!
Look!” The five year-old called out. Her father acknowledged her
with a wave and a smile.
“I
see that you've landed a pretty big role in the recital,” he stated
as she ran up to him and launched her self into his arms. “That's
my princess!” He praised, kissing her on the cheek.
Her
mother watched them with a smile, wishing that she'd been able to
have more children.
A
year later, the now six year-old girl wailed as she buried her face
in her mother's skirt. “I've failed you mama!”
“No!”
Her mother hastily assured her. “You've gotten second place! That's
not failing!”
Her
father placed a hand on her head. “You've never competed in horse
jumping before. I'd say that you were lucky to get so far on your
first try!”
Riding
horses and ballet continued to be her two favorite things until
around the time she turned 12. By then, she had won so many accolades
in each that they just didn't challenge her like she craved. She
wanted something new.
“Mama,
can I start taking fencing classes instead?”
“But
you love ballet!” Her mother protested.
“Can
you do both?” Her father wondered.
She
shrugged. “Probably, but I don't want to.”
Her
parents exchanged questioning looks, and then nodded in permission.
She exhaled in relief.
“You're
not disappointed in me?”
“Of
course not, Angela!” They exclaimed. “We love you no matter what
you decide to do.”
Fencing
proved to be a challenge, but only for a year, and then it seemed as
easy as anything else she'd ever tried. She threw her foil across her
room in frustration. What good were trophies if they didn't make her
happy?
Nothing
helped; not winning long distance races, not painting, not even
training a new puppy to win the best of show. She was sure that the
puppy would occupy all of her time and attention, but he didn't. The
moment he won best of show, she brought him to her parents.
“I
think you should sell him. I don't want him any more.”
“Why
not?”
“I
don't love him and he deserves to be with someone who does,” she
explained with a shrug.
They
sighed but agreed.
“Are
you mad?” She wondered.
“No
princess,” her dad said.
“Disappointed?”
“No
sweetheart,” her mother told her with a smile. “We love you no
matter what.”
At
only 15, she was confused by this. Her parents were the most
wonderful people on the planet, but didn't they want her to be the
best? At everything? Whenever she won something, they cheered her on
louder than anybody, but when she lost, they simply told her that it
was okay and that she would do better next time – which she usually
did.
Wouldn't
they – if they loved her as much as they said they did – wouldn't
they get mad at her for losing? Wouldn't they be disappointed that
she couldn't be happy with anything?!
She
sighed and returned to her room to think of something else to try.
*****
“Hey
Angela, do you want to spend the day at my house?” Her boyfriend
Enrique asked. This was code for making out since his parents were
almost always gone on the weekends selling antiques at swap-meets
around the five state area.
“Sure,
why not? I don't have dance practice today,” Angela agreed with a
shrug. She no longer took ballet, but now focused on learning any and
all dances that she hadn't learned before. Only when she lost herself
in a new and exciting dance did she come close to feeling joy.
At
Enrique's house, their make out session progressed farther than ever
before. Angela felt half numb the entire time, wondering when it
would start to feel good. She put all her effort in to making him
feel good, and figured that she should feel the same by default.
Enrique
sensed that something was wrong and tried his best to make her feel
the way he did, but after it was over, she lay looking at the ceiling
with an expression of hmm...
He wondered if she felt he had pushed her too far too soon.
He
decided to ask her straight out. “Did I pressure you for sex before
you were ready?”
Angela
shook her head. “No, I was ready. Sorry, I'm just worried about
something else. I shouldn't be thinking about other things right now,
but I couldn't help it.”
“What
other things?” Enrique wondered, fearing that it might be another
boy. It wasn't, but Angela didn't know how to describe it.
“Well...
happiness... dancing... horses... Life,” Angela stated, listing off
things that came to mind when she tried to define what the problem
was.
I
thought for sure that sex would distract me and make me feel
something, but it didn't...
She
sighed, and then kissed her boyfriend. “Nothing for you to worry
about. You did everything right.”
Enrique
smiled and held her tight. The next three months passed with her
spending every weekend with her boyfriend. He made their sex as fun
as possible, but even though she liked it, something was missing.
What
is wrong with me?!
*****
“Angela,
will you partner with Vanessa today?” Her dance teacher asked,
referring to the new girl in class. “I'm sure you can help her if
she needs it.”
“Sure
thing,” Angela agreed and the teacher left the two of them to
figure out what dance to work on.
Angela
looked the new girl over to determine if she was capable of doing
complicated dances. Vanessa was sleek like a cat with dark brunette
hair and almost black eyes. She looked almost exotic in that she
didn't appear to be any particular ethnicity, and at the same time,
seemed to belong to all
of them.
Vanessa
narrowed her eyes at Angela's coppery red hair, freckle covered
complexion, and blue eyes. She mentally sighed and resigned herself
to the fact that she was partnered with one of those high-strung
snobby types. She forced herself to smile and be nice.
“Can
you mambo?” Vanessa asked.
“Of
course,” Angela stated, and then held out her hand in invitation.
The
two of them started the dance hesitantly, thinking that the other
girl would suck. Both were surprised to find that the other was a
good dancer after all. Vanessa had transferred from a pretty good
dance school, and had assumed that this school would not be as good.
To her delight, she was wrong.
They
started trying to compete with each other. Angela was determined to
be the best dancer, and Vanessa was determined to see if Angela could
be an equal partner. When the dance ended, both girls were panting
from the exertion.
Vanessa
giggled. “I misjudged you!”
“Same
here,” Angela admitted quietly. In general, she spent far more time
thinking than speaking, and tended to speak softly when she had to.
Unless she was upset, then watch out!
“Samba?”
Angela suggested as their next dance. After that, they moved onto
contemporary dances, each trying to challenge the other.
At
one point, their teacher was tempted to stop them before they got
hurt, but then they flung themselves to the floor in exhaustion. They
panted heavily as they rested for a few minutes.
That
may have been the best I can remember feeling in a long time! Angela
thought. She immediately wondered what her boyfriend would say if he
knew that she found dancing better than messing around with him. She
started giggling unexpectedly.
Vanessa
was also wondering when the last time she'd had so much fun was.
Angela's giggling infected her until they were both laughing for no
reason that they could determine. Their teacher rolled her eyes,
chalking it up to being high off of endorphins.
“I
think you two are done for the day,” she stated and then gestured
for them to get something to drink before they got dehydrated.
“Hey,
do you want to come over to my house for a while?” Vanessa asked.
Angela
tilted her head to the side and stared at Vanessa in confusion for a
moment. It was rare for anyone to ask Angela over to their house.
Most people assumed that she considered herself above everyone, just
because she tended to be quiet. Only sheer infatuation had prompted
her boyfriend to gather up his courage and ask her out.
Vanessa
asked as if it was normal for her. As if she asked everyone
to go to her house and hang out. She
must have a ton of friends,
Angela thought.
“I'd
like that,” Angela replied with a rare smile. It was small and
quiet, but genuine. She pulled out her phone and let her mom know
that she wouldn't be needing a ride home.
They
changed into their regular clothes, and then Vanessa drove them to
her house in her older car. It was probably as old as they were, but
it ran well and seemed reliable... except that it didn't have working
air conditioning.
“I
don't mind,” Angela assured Vanessa, who seemed embarrassed by
this.
Vanessa
smiled in relief.
“In
fact, I prefer the wind blowing in my hair. It makes me feel free,”
Angela explained.
Vanessa
chuckled. “You know what? Me too!”
When
they arrived at Vanessa's house, Angela had to bite her tongue to
stop herself from gasping. Vanessa's house was tiny! It couldn't be
more than a two bedroom with just one bathroom! Angela looked around
it in a strange form of awe. It may be small, but it was well
decorated and felt comfortable.
Vanessa
mistook Angela's expression for being impressed, and grinned. “I
know! I can't believe this is all ours! We used to live in a one
bedroom apartment. My mom slept on the couch while my brother and I
slept in the bedroom. It was so tiny that there was barely room for
our twin bed and a dresser. My mom saved and saved, and now –
finally – we have a real house of our own!”
Vanessa
proudly gave Angela a tour. “This is the kitchen... the living
room... and the bathroom. Check this out: My mom has a huge bedroom!”
Angela
looked around the room, her head nodding vaguely in agreement. Huge?
My closet is bigger than this...
“And
look, she has a walk in closet!”
Which
was technically true, but not by much. It was maybe 3 feet squared.
“I
saved the best for last,” Vanessa announced with a grin. “This is
the room I share with my brother. We not only have enough room to
have a full sized bed, but we also have plenty of space to walk
around even though we both have our own dressers now, and...
We have a closet! It's not a walk in, but it's still pretty big.”
Angela
had to bite her tongue again and fight to keep a straight face. Four
feet wide is big to her?
With a bit of effort, she managed to plaster an impressed smile on
her face.
“Wow!
It must be nice, huh?” Angela asked, wondering why Vanessa didn't
complain about having to share a room with her brother. Then again,
Angela had always wanted a brother or sister. Badly enough that she
might not mind sharing a room if – for some reason – all the
other rooms in their house were being used.
Vanessa
bust up laughing. “Thank you for being nice. I can tell that you
think our house is tiny, and it's true. Even so, it's all ours and so
much better than what we had. I love it!”
This
time Angela smiled a wide and honest smile. “That's all that
matters.”
“Come
on; let's go to the backyard.”
Angela
followed Vanessa. She bit her lip in thought as she stared at
Vanessa's back. What
is it about her?
Something intrigued Angela.
“Would
you mind if I showed you the dance that won me 1st
place in my school's talent show last year?” Vanessa asked,
gesturing towards a chair in a silent invitation to sit.
“I'd
like that,” Angela stated.
The
two of them took turns showing each other their favorite dances for a
couple of hours. Just when they were tempted to start subtly
competing again, Vanessa's brother interrupted them.
“Ness,
mom says dinner's in five. Who's your friend?”
Angela
stared at him in amazement. Aside from having short hair and broader
shoulders – and no breasts – he looked exactly like his sister.
“This
is Angela. I met her in dance class. Angela, this is my twin,
Vincent.”
“Twin,
wow!”
Vincent
swept Angela into his arms and into a slow dance. “Hi Angela.”
“Cent!
You're being an idiot!” Vanessa admonished him with a stamp of her
foot.
“No
I'm not! I saw the two of you dancing. It's only fair that I get a
turn too.”
Angela
pushed against him lightly in a silent command for him to let her go.
She didn't feel right in his arms. He complied with a flirty pout.
“I'm
positive that my boyfriend would get mad at me if I danced with you,”
Angela informed him.
“Boyfriend?”
Vincent asked with obvious disappointment.
Angela's
cellphone rang a particular tone, making her snort a chuckle. “Speak
of the devil...” She pulled out her phone and showed it to Vincent.
The caller ID said boyfriend.
“Hi
Enrique,” Angela greeted. “What's up?”
“Aren't
you done with dance class yet? You promised to come over tonight for
dinner.”
“Oh
my God! I completely forgot!” Angela squealed in mortification.
“I'm only a couple of blocks from your house. I can be there in a
jiffy.”
“See
you in a few,” Enrique stated and then hung up.
“I've
got to go,” Angela told Vanessa.
“Hey
wait,” Vanessa stated before Angela could rush off. “You know how
our dance studio is going to hold auditions for invitationals? How
would you like to come over tomorrow and come up with a routine with
me?”
Angela
frowned just a tiny bit. Invitationals were for newcomers who wanted
to be able to compete in the local dance competition. It was a bit
like open mic night, only more formal and organized. The problem was
that Angela didn't need to participate because she wasn't a newcomer.
Hmm...
I haven't even danced in the partners division before. I suppose I
could do both...
In which case, she would have to attend invitationals with Vanessa
after all. Angela felt a slow smile stretch her lips wide.
“I'd
like that!”
***
After
working on a routine for the auditions, Vanessa and Angela were given
permission to represent their dance school in the invitationals. They
had just two weeks to perfect their routine, and spent every minute
they could spare on it. Finally, it was the day, and both were so
nervous that they could vomit!
Vanessa
was so focused on their routine that she retreated into a shell until
their names were called. They walked out onto the dance floor and
then waited for their music to start.
“Why
do I always get so nervous?” Vanessa muttered to herself.
Angela
took a deep breath and located her center. Now that she was calm and
at peace, she whispered to Vanessa, “Hey... look at me. We're
totally going to win this, so don't worry!”
Vanessa
met Angela's eyes and felt all her fears melt away. “You're right.”
The
music began and they started to flow through their routine. It was an
energetic routine designed for two people to perform in perfect
synchronization. They didn't touch at all – except for a couple of
hand pats that were part of the routine. Instead, the dance showcased
their ability to move quickly and perform complicated steps as if
they were one person.
When
they finished, the roar of the crowd reminded them that they were
dancing in front of an audience. Both blushed that they had gotten so
lost in the dance that they had literally forgotten everything else!
They joined hands and curtseyed to the audience.
“We
took third place!” Vanessa announced excitedly when the huge
digital board finally displayed all the rankings at the end.
Angela
sighed in disappointment. “I failed you...”
“What
are you talking about?” Vanessa demanded. “We're going to the
local competition!”
“Maybe,
but we should have taken first,” Angela murmured sadly.
A
laugh rang out from behind her. “You always put too much pressure
on yourself!” Angela's mother said.
“Accept
this as a win and vow to do better next time!” Her father added.
They pulled her into a hug. As always, they were there to cheer her
on every step of the way.
Angela
sighed impatiently. “But I must have done something wrong!”
“You
looked perfect to me,” her mom assured her.
Angela
pushed out of her father's arms in frustration. Just take me home! I
need to watch the video of my performance to see what I need to work
on!”
Her
parents sighed but followed her as she stormed towards their car.
Vanessa
felt abandoned for a moment until her mother and brother finally
fought their way through the crowd to be at her side.
Vanessa
rolled her eyes and laughed. “The first moment I saw her, I thought
that Angela was high-maintenance. I guess I was right!”
“You
did awesome!” Vincent praised her.
“Let's
go home and celebrate!” Her mom added.
***
After
dance class, Angela followed Vanessa to her car. Both girls had been
unusually silent during class because they didn't quite know what to
say to each other. Angela finally thought of something to say.
“Let's
go to my house,” she suggested. “I have more room to move
around.”
“You
mean I finally get to see your place?” Vanessa asked with a laugh.
“I was beginning to think that you were ashamed of where you live!”
Angela
simply shook her head. Her phone rang, so she checked the caller ID.
It was Enrique.
“Hi,”
she answered.
“I'm
hoping that you can come over tonight,” Enrique stated.
“I
can't tonight,” Angela informed him.
“Why
not?”
“I'm
going to be working on a new routine with Vanessa.”
Enrique
pouted. “You're always with Vanessa.”
“Competing
is serious and it takes a lot of hard work,” Angela reminded him.
“I
know! … It just feels like you're avoiding me lately,” Enrique
confessed.
“I'm
not avoiding you, I just need to practice as much as I possible can.
I seriously sucked at invitationals! You probably won't see much of
me at all until after then next competition.” Angela pointed out
turns as necessary to Vanessa.
Vanessa
listened to the conversation in silence. A frown slanted her lips. It
sounded like Angela was about to break up with her boyfriend in order
to dance with Vanessa – which made her feel guilty and
inexplicably
happy at the same time.
“What's
the point of being boyfriend and girlfriend if we never see each
other anymore?” Enrique asked, obviously upset.
Angela
was silent for a moment as she thought about this. “Hmm... That's a
good question... Maybe we should break up.”
Enrique
sighed in frustration. “Somehow I knew you were going to say that.
Whatever. Good luck in your stupid competition!” He hung up the
phone before Angela could reply.
She
stared at her phone for a full minute before Vanessa got brave enough
to say something.
“Sounds
like that ended badly. Sorry...”
Angela
shook her head almost imperceptibly. “Don't be... It's strange... I
expected to feel something. Sadness, regret, loneliness... I don't
know, something!
But all I feel is... nothing...”
Before
Vanessa could think of anything to say, Angela pointed at a gate on
the left side of the street. “Turn there.” She pulled a small
remote control out of her bag and pushed a button so that the gate
opened up as Vanessa turned.
Vanessa
had heard of gated communities, but she'd never seen one before. She
was kind of curious... until she realized that there was only one
house at the end of the driveway. A big
house.
“This
is where you live?!” Vanessa asked incredulously.
“Yeah...”
Angela confirmed, looking at her hands in her lap. She felt almost
ashamed for some reason. “It's not as big as it looks. It's only a
five bedroom, seven bathroom house. It's not like one of those 40
bedroom mansions – even though that's what it was modeled after.”
Vanessa
snorted a chuckle. “Five bedroom... Did you say seven
bathrooms?! Why on Earth do you need seven bathrooms?!”
Angela
tilted her head to the side in confusion. It seemed like a normal
amount to her. “One for each bedroom and then one near the kitchen
for the staff to use and one near the entertainment room for guests
to use.”
Vanessa
parked where Angela pointed. After she got out of her car, she stood
staring at the house in awe for a moment. Up close, it didn't look
overly huge like a mansion, but at the same time, it was at least 4
times bigger than her house. Also, there was a garage that was almost
half the size of the house, and a couple of other buildings strewn
about the lawn. One of them even looked like a pretty version of a
barn.
“Angela!”
Her father called out happily. He was on a balcony that faced the
driveway, but also had an excellent view of the sun and sky. “Do
you see that gorgeous view? I'm painting the clouds, only I'm making
them look like angels. I plan to add a faint image of Jesus in the
middle. Do you want to come see?”
“Maybe
later, Daddy!” Angela called out as she waved to him. “My father
is a painter... sort of. He only paints things for charity auctions.”
“Nice,”
Vanessa remarked. She thought he was sweet, taking time out of his
surely busy schedule to paint things for charity. “What does he do
for a job? Is he some business executive?”
Angela
shook her head. “No. He inherited a fortune from his parents, so I
don't think he's ever actually worked a day in his life... Aside from
painting. He considers painting his gift from and duty to God.”
Vanessa
didn't know what to say, so she simply nodded.
Angela
led the way into her house. She gave a tour as they went. “This is
the sun room, the entertainment room, bathroom,” and so on. In the
kitchen, she accepted a snack to share with Vanessa from the cook. It
was a ripe peach cut into slices and then covered with plain yogurt
and a tiny drizzle of maple syrup.”
“I'll
have one of those too please,” Angela's mom stated as she walked
into the kitchen. She put her arms around Angela and then gave her a
kiss on the cheek. “I'm so excited! One of my books has been picked
up by the Faith Channel to be made into a TV movie.”
Angela
smiled and returned her mother's hug. “That's great! Which one?”
“The
one in which the main character gets engaged to a really good man,
but then decides that she'd rather enter a convent and devote her
life to serving God.”
Angela
frowned slightly and bit her lip in concern. “But wait, doesn't she
struggle with her choice to be a nun? That sounds like a bad idea to
make into a movie for the Faith
Channel.”
“I
can see your point, but at the end, she realizes that all her
struggles were God's way of testing her faith.”
Vanessa
had carried the plate to the table and now sat next to a college aged
woman eating a sandwich. She waited patiently for Angela to sit next
to her before starting on the snack. Her curiosity got the better of
her.
“You
write, Mrs. Brewster?” Vanessa asked.
Angela's
mom smiled so happily that it literally shone. “Oh yes! I love to
write stories of faith and inspiration. I'm not a best-seller or
anything, but I do alright.”
“That's
cool,” Vanessa stated truthfully. She loved to read and often
thought about writing a book when she got older.
“Anyway,”
Angela's mom finished her original subject. “I'm going to be in
conference with the Producers for hours, so please don't interrupt
me. If you need anything, ask your father.”
“Okay
mom, good luck. And congratulations!” Angela wished her mom – who
accepted her snack and rushed to get back to her office. They could
hear her shut the door with a small excited slam.
The
woman at the table finished her sandwich and looked at the cook. “Do
you want me to wait and wash the dishes, or should I finish cleaning
the guest bedrooms first?”
“Don't
worry about the dishes. I'll do them,” the cook replied, waving her
away.
A
cook and a maid...
Vanessa thought jealously.
“It
looks like we'll have plenty of uninterrupted time to work on a new
routine,” Angela remarked with a pleased smile.
“Looks
like...” Vanessa muttered.
***
At
the local competition, Vanessa waited anxiously in the back for their
turn. “Where in the world is Angela?!”
There
was still plenty of time for Angela to show up since they had just
started with the single dancers, but even so, Vanessa wanted her
partner there to keep her calm. The announcer caught her attention
just then.
“And
now for last year's local champion: Angela Brewster!”
“What?!?!”
Vanessa exclaimed demandingly. She rushed out to watch the
performance. “Why didn't she tell
me
that she was competing in the single division too?”
Angela
stood on the dance floor waiting for the music to begin. She wore a
fabulous white silk and satin belly dancer's costume and her hair was
done up in a way that was off her shoulders but also flowed down her
back. Vanessa inhaled a surprised gasp.
She
looks gorgeous!
The
dance began and everyone in the audience ooo'd appreciatively as
Angela performed a complicated maneuver.
She's
such a good dancer...
Vanessa thought in admiration. And
yet... her performance seems cold somehow... emotionless...
Angela
finished her dance and walked over to the side to wait for everyone
else to finish and the results to be posted. She saw Vanessa watching
her and smiled. A minute later, she was by Vanessa's side.
“Wow!
You look really good in that costume!” Vanessa complimented her
sincerely.
“Thank
you,” Angela murmured with a shy blush.
They
waited for close to an hour, but finally the results were in, and
Angela was named the champion for the second year in a row. She
walked to the middle of the floor to curtsey gratefully to the
audience and receive hugs from her parents, but then she insisted
that they leave her alone so that she could get ready for her next
dance.
They
had an hour before they were scheduled to perform, so they had plenty
of time to get ready. Both girls changed into a glamorous
flapper-style dress. Then they arranged their hair and makeup to
match each other in a manner befitting women in the 1920's.
Finally,
their names were called and they made their way out onto the dance
floor. The moment the music started, they launched into an energetic
dance inspired by the movie Chicago, and enhanced by other dances
popular in the flapper era. It was easy for everyone to see that they
were having fun with the dance.
The
audience loved them, as evidenced by the roaring cheers. When they
were finished, they bobbed a few quick curtseys to the crowd, and
then retired to the back room to wait for the results. There were
only 3 other pairs performing after them, so they didn't have to wait
long.
Vanessa
held her breath when they were announced as second place. She was
beyond excited, but held her breath because she was afraid that
Angela was going to throw another tantrum. Angela also held her
breath for a moment, but then exhaled and smiled.
“This
is good. This means our intense practice is paying off! We're going
to win first place at the state competition for sure!” Angela
exclaimed excitedly.
Vanessa
sighed in relief, and then grinned. “I'm so happy I want to scream
and shout for all to hear!” She jumped up and down a couple of
times, and then threw her arms around Angela. Without any thought or
planning, she kissed Angela full on the lips.
Angela
felt as if time stopped completely. Her entire body wanted to cling
to Vanessa and hold on forever. Just when she felt like time started
moving again and had the urge to wrap her arms around Vanessa,
Vanessa moved back and tugged on her hand.
“Come
on!”
The
two of them went to give a grateful wave to the crowd and accept
their small trophy. Angela performed the actions out of sheer habit
since her mind was still completely occupied with Vanessa's kiss. She
wanted nothing more than to drag Vanessa to a secluded spot and try
kissing her again.
Vanessa
mom ran up to them, squealing happily. “I'm so proud of you!” She
roared as she glommed onto Vanessa.
Angela's
parents approached her cautiously. “You know that we love you and
that you could never do anything to disappoint us, right?”
Angela
shook off her strange lethargy and laughed. “I know.” She hugged
them both tightly, suppressing a laugh as they sighed in relief that
she wasn't ranting over not winning first place.
“We'll
do even better next time,” Angela promised her parents, and they
simply nodded in agreement.
